Tuesday, November 24, 2015

FROM FRAUD-inariate to ODD-inariate

From this ex-Episcopalian

usually dressed like this

and replaced in the Episcopalians by an ex-Roman Catholic who usually dresses like this

to this new head of ex-Episcopalians, a Roman Catholic Hispanic sometimes seen at the Pontifical North American Dance Academy but not ever an Episcopalian

who made Somebody laugh at the new Ordinariate Missal

and got his job in Rome's CDF at age 16, the year after he was confirmed by poor Cardinal Levada, MA, STD, JCD, DD, DUI

From Me and Mine
to You and Yours
and Them and Theirs

Thursday, November 19, 2015

WTF! Where in the World are Father D and Reynaldo?!

WTF! What The Fun!

Been rather busy around WDTPRDAD past couple months.

I've not been able to post as I've spent some time on the islands where internet connections are very spotty and unreliable on the best days.
The truth is one of my very best friends, Father Ted Crilly needed coverage for his parishes on Craggy Island while he went on sabbatical to Creighton at the insistence of his bishop.

Since American Thanksgiving is coming up, Reynaldo and one of his classmates (a very special cleric to a very pretentious prelate) decided to join Father D for a couple days, rather than get stuck at the anal annual NAC Cornhole Tournament.

So in the midst of all the Mercy flowing from the pope and all the madness spewing from the Krazy Katholic Konverts, Father D has been without a connection to the real world except for the evening paper delivered on The Island by boat almost twenty-four hours after it is published on the mainland. So old Father D is even more out of the loop than normal.

Father D's best friend, Father Ted

Father D in the driveway of Parochial House

Reynaldo and Buddy horsing around

Father Crilly, as many of you already know, was the subject of a BBC reality show many years ago. The bishop recognized the administrative and pastoral abilities of Father Ted, and made him priest in charge of the parochial house on Craggy Island. The two other clerics in the house have had some challenges In the past, so they require the support of an experienced priest like your beloved Faddah D. So the powers that be, decided  that you devout readers, (all three of you)  should be deprived of my wisdom for a few days.

Boy if you think your pastoral team is whacky, wait until you get a load of these guys!

Tuesday, November 10, 2015

Distress Sweeps Catholic Nut Blogs! But meanwhile, in Firenze . . .

empowers his official spokesman
to issue this warning

10 November 2015

Pope Francis

Today's Bolletino contains addresses which for the most part simply repeat what we have so often heard from our Holy Father about whom he likes and whom he very deeply dislikes. Franciscan hate-words such as Pelagian and Gnostic make yet another weary appearance. But there is, at one or two points, a profound and distinct anti-intellectualism, which I have not noticed before. I find this worrying. Anti-intellectualism is a stance people very often take when they propose to do something irrational.

Some people may find this extract quite funny. I resist the temptation to comment.
"May your words be simple, so that everyone can understand, rather than long homilies."

I'm still resisting hard ...
The Ordinary Newton's Official Spokesman
Resisting Hard

(with 'stache)
empowers his official spokesman
to issue this warning

Bishop Cagey's Official Spokesman
Warning Hard
(without beard)
 (with beard)
(always with maniple)
(manly author beard & boyfriend absent)

empowers his official spokesman
to issue this warning

Fr. Z asks for help: houseling cloths (communion rail)

Where I help out on Sundays we are planning on adding “houseling” cloths, cloths over the Communion rail. I don't have my "houseling" Vietnamese servant boy anymore. But these cloths? Yes! Yes I do!
The Communion rail is used at the parish for all Masses.  It is wonderful how smoothly, quickly and reverently Communion time goes. And pieces of Jesus don't fall onto the people born again in Jesus by reason of their baptism but still filthy ugly human beings. Just like me.

Bishop More-(But Really Not So Less)-Lean-O's
Official Spokesman
Asking Hard


Meanwhile, seen today on TV
from Florence Italy
by the rest of us who
unlike the above trash bucket of nut-jobs
are actually happy to be Roman Catholics
came this lovely picture
after this amazing speech:

Pope urges Catholic Church to disavow conservatism and fundamentalism:

“Before the problems of the Church it is not useful to search for solutions in conservatism or fundamentalism, in the restoration of obsolete conduct and forms that no longer have the capacity of being significant culturally ...

I would like an Italian church that is unsettled, always closer to the abandoned, the forgotten, the imperfect. I desire a happy church with face of a mother who understands, accompanies, caresses.”

Jesus' Vicar understands, accompanies, caresses.
Tuesday, Thirty-second Week in Ordinary Time

+ Gospel: Luke 17:7-10

Jesus said to the Apostles:
“Who among you would say to your servant
who has just come in from plowing or tending sheep in the field,
‘Come here immediately and take your place at table’?
Would he not rather say to him,
‘Prepare something for me to eat.
Put on your apron and wait on me while I eat and drink.
You may eat and drink when I am finished’?
Is he grateful to that servant because he did what was commanded?
So should it be with you.
When you have done all you have been commanded, say,
‘We are unprofitable servants;
we have done what we were obliged to do.’”

The Gospel of the Lord.
Praise to you, Lord Jesus Christ.

Monday, November 9, 2015

"Of All The Churches In The City And The World, The Mother And Head"

I know, my church it doesn't look like all that much.

But you'd be surprised how often people use the word "Mother" and "Head" around me now and then right here.

Of course, they usually pronounce those "Mutha" and "Shithead," if you get my drift. But I digress.

At least it's near the beach and not freezing like way up north! So we were able to take the Sisters out just last weekend both for formal times with their school kids

And some "loosen that wimple" time too!

So that's our fun life and lovely church, and I've seen it fill it up weekends with many more souls than some of our local parishes.

And since most clergy around here no longer live in rectories but their private homes, guess who gets to rush off at top speed on emergency sick calls and even non emergency stuck-at-home-old-and-sick-and-nearly-dead anointings?
That's right. Me! The one who doesn't have the money to own a private home or the cash to go out to eat every meal or even think of going to crazy Old Mass conferences run by Bag o Bitter Onions or buy the crap Father Zildo's pushing, if you get my drift.

Meanwhile. Instead.
Today we gladly celebrate the real Mother and Head of all the churches all around the whole wide world!

Today's the Feast of the Dedication of the Basilica of Saint John Lateran in Rome. What a church! What a sanctuary!
Especially compared to mine.
But we sang the same special song they sing today at Vigils. And don't think singing at 3:00 A.M. is easy, especially without Reynaldo around any more! 

Blessed city, heavenly Salem,
vision dear of peace and love,
who of living stones art builded
in the height of heaven above,
and, with angel hosts encircled,
as a bride dost earthward move;

from celestial realms descending,
bridal glory round thee shed,
meet for him whose love espoused thee,
to thy Lord shalt thou be led;
all thy streets and all thy bulwarks
of pure gold are fashioned.

Bright thy gates of pearl are shining;
they are open evermore;
and by virtue of his merits
thither faithful souls do soar,
who for Christ's dear Name in this world
pain and tribulation bore.

Many a blow and biting sculpture
polished well those stones elect,
in their places now compacted
by the heavenly Architect,
who therewith hath willed for ever
that his palace should be decked.

Laud and honor to the Father,
laud and honor to the Son,
laud and honor to the Spirit,
ever Three, and ever One,
consubstantial, coeternal,
while unending ages run.

And when the cock crowed and dawn broke, we sang the other verses from the same hymn! Not that awful hymn from when they made us start singing in English at Novitiate, "The sun doth bid us all arise, The happy cock doth move our eyes." Brother Robin got in trouble for drawing pictures to go with that. But I digress. Instead this official hymn. Beautiful!

Christ is made the sure Foundation,
Christ the Head and Cornerstone;
Chosen of the Lord, and precious,
Binding all the Church in one,
Holy Zion’s Help forever,
And her Confidence alone.

All that dedicated city,
Dearly loved of God on high,
In exultant jubilation,
Pours perpetual melody,
God the One in Three adoring
In glad hymns eternally.

To this temple, where we call Thee,
Come, O Lord of Hosts, today;
With Thy wonted lovingkindness
Hear Thy servants as they pray.
And Thy fullest benediction
Shed within its walls alway.

Here vouchsafe to all Thy servants
What they ask of Thee to gain;
What they gain from Thee forever
With the blessèd to retain,
And hereafter in Thy glory
Evermore with Thee to reign.

Laud and honor to the Father,
Laud and honor to the Son,
Laud and honor to the Spirit,
Ever Three and ever One;
Consubstantial, co-eternal,
While unending ages run.

So wherever  you are today, all over the world, and however small and ugly your chapel or church is, take a moment like I'm doing here, to remember the Cathedral in Rome and its present Bishop, our Papa so hated by all the blogging assholes, mostly from the USA and ex Anglicans from here and the UK, who really don't seem to belong to our Church at all. We who still do should all thank Christ they're all moving to Econe!

Enjoy the ancient chant sung in English by some really nice folks with great voices.

Here's the hymn sung in real Gregorian Chant and Latin!

But you'll really enjoy these pictures from my own Novitiate. That's our Novice Master on the left and me on the right (I can't believe how serious I looked in my youth! Though charming, I must say).
Compared to now. Hey life takes its toll. If you get my drift. At least I can still read.

Here's my old beloved classmate, who's now my Bishop, Vladyka Eureka of Topeka, Faith's Seeker and Speaker!

This was our Abbot then. No funny business. If you get my drift.
Later he went to the missions, God bless him, and things didn't work out all so well. RIP. That's him on the far left (in more ways than one. Trying to get him to wear his habit down there looks like it was pretty impossible. I know how people "evolve" in the monastic life. But I digress).
Anyhow, when he was Abbot, we're all singing the hymn in Latin starting around 4:15 in this video. 
Sadly, after Vespers, we almost always had some behavioral problems. Those of you who made monastery novitiates probably know what I mean . . . if you get my drift. Not that tap dancing in Rome or falling into the Craytin' Institute would make you any saner. But I digress.

Meanwhile, happy feast day, Cathedral in Rome, Papa Francesco, and all of you happy to be in Jesus' house with him. Instead of in the outhouse with all these assholes! If you get my drift.

God all-holy,
in every place on earth
you gather your people
into your presence
to proclaim the wonders of your love.
As we celebrate the dedication
of the cathedral church of Rome,
deepen our unity
with your faithful
throughout the world
and build us up
into a house of prayer
for all nations.
We ask this
through our Lord Jesus Christ, 
your Son,
who lives and reigns with you
in the unity of the Holy Spirit,
God for ever and ever.

Response to "Anonymous" of November 9 at 1:31 P.M.
Hey Dipple,
WHIPPLE is probably what you do to your FRIPPLE each night after Compline. Or is it your NIPPLE?

My surplice is by WIPPELL.

Because you're right. I'm not "a long haired filthy Byzantine monkish type with a rat infested beard." I'm "a classical Anglican," and all the shit that goes along with that. If you get my drift.

Here I am resting in between shots of cream sherry.
And later on in my WIPPELL, showing Reynaldo where to dump the latest mail from the Diocese.

Response to "Staten Pilgrim" of November 9 at 3:21 P.M.
Salve, Staten Pilgrim!
Clearly your participation in traditionalist Catholic devotions and abrogated Masses have borne abundant fruit most likely far larger than your breasts and buttocks (not to mention your brain). So you guess that I'm "an old queer priest who's retired to Florida to bitch" and who has "perverse inclinations"? Well, let me repay you with Pope Francis-Cardinal Kasper recommended "mercy" by praising your previously unknown blog: STATEN ISLAND CATHOLIC. For those of you who may guess that he's a queer old douche-bag who's stuck on Staten Island to bitch and who has his own perverse inclinations, let me give you his own self-definition: "I AM A CATHOLIC WHO IS CONCERNED ABOUT THE STATE OF THE CHURCH AND WOULD LIKE TO RELATE MY EXPERIENCES AS SEEN FROM MY LOCAL PEW IN STATEN ISLAND, NY." Right up down there in the shit holes with "MundyBore", who in between his Sodom Posts does really great stuff like today's "The Collapse Of Sound Thinking And The Rise Of The Functional Retard". And with that other QODB "My Crushed Boner Still Thrills" whose interesting post today is "A Pope Francis Insult Generator." Imagining the Crushed Boner "generating" any time and in any way is for a bleaker day.

Anyhow, here's how I really did end up in Florida. My Dad was the unforgettable Lincoln Vail, and we sing his song at the beginning of every November liturgy as our version of Memory Eternal for Dad. You should see me incense the iconostasis while the choir does the "Movin' Ever Movin'" You'd weep like those who fill the chapel do! OK that's it. Now I'm all verklempt! Here's Dad's pic and chant: