Tuesday, September 29, 2015

CARDINAL BURKE NAMED POSTULATOR FOR LEFEBVRE CANONIZATION

My Italian's not so good, but Reynaldo sent this to me the other day, and told me "the gist" of it:


Nomina di Membri della Congregazione delle Cause dei Santi
Il Papa ha nominato Membri della Congregazione delle Cause dei Santi l'Em.mo Cardinale Carlo Caffarra, Arcivescovo Metropolita di Bologna, e l'Emi.mo Cardinale Raymond Leo Burke, Patrono del Sovrano Militare Ordine di Malta.
[01565-IT.01]

He says Cardinal Burke has been named Metropolitan of Baloney and Member of the Roman Curia's "Congregation of the Causes of Saints."

Reynaldo added, "Looks like he's going to be in charge of canonizing Lefebvre . . . ha ha ha ha. No beatification needed for martyrs!"
Who killed him? Same people that prepared the Luciani Latte, I guess. But say, what a randy dude Marcel was back when he was Titular Bishop of WeHo, huh? Hippie beard and all! Just kidding. I don't know where he started out, but I know where he ended up.
Amazing that he attended Vatican II, signed all its decrees, and then changed his mind. Oh well. Probably pissed that he got passed over for Cardinal. Probably needed $$$ from all those right wing whack jobs like the idiots funding Father Zildorf's "Turning Japanese" project.

Speaking of Cardinals, back to Cardinal Burke. So he's back in the Curia, and Reynaldo sent me pictures of his new digs.
Cardinal Burke's new living room
Cardinal Burke's new office
There's an extra room too for his cappa maxima to live in and receive visitors who want to hang out and chat it up with the cappa before heading in to talk to the Capt'n! Ha ha ha:
Cardinal Burke's Cappa Maxima Living Room-Office
This "ample room" is needed because the cappa maxima can't fit in the office (Reynaldo sent me these awesome pics of Burke at various stages of his Vatican career):
See that ermine cape? I was surprised to find out that they've also given him his own ermine kennel:
It's out behind the Swiss Guard Cadets' barracks where he used to play racquetball with the cadets before he started wearing the cappa maxima every day.

Here's the Keeper of the Kennel getting Burke's new mozzetta ready:

Reynaldo sent pics of the little fellas who sacrificed their lives in order to give Burke something for other people to dress and undress him in so that he could show us all his humility:
Linus
Cletus 
Clement
Sixtus
Jorge Mario
Hans
Well, I guess the only thing we can say is "Welcome Back" and congratulations on being named Metropolitan of Bologna!

Reynaldo says Burke gets a new vehicle to ride in! No little bitty teenie weenie Fiat for Burke! Here's Burke's very own La Machina Bologna! Reynaldo says it's a Big Weenie and something Burke's really used to riding. Whatever that means. Reynaldo always has these "double meaning" things that I just don't get.
But I have to thank Reynaldo for sending the pictures, and the song La Machina Bologna plays when Burke's riding around the Vatican in it. Enjoy!

Sunday, September 27, 2015

THANK YOU, POPE FRANCIS!

No, I didn't make it to Philadelphia. 

Too far north and no one there would have let me into anything "papal."

But I didn't wander far from the TV.

Listening to Pope Francis was wonderful.

Watching him - even better. At the altar? Sure. Among the people - the best. Here, in prison:
Especially on the streets of the city. Here's Father D's favorite moment: just watch Francesco's face - like everyone's beloved Grandpa!


He told the security guard to tell the parents, "You have a great sense of humor!"

So does Papa Francesco!


So, thank you, Francesco, Padre Jorge. Vaya con Dios!

Saturday, September 26, 2015

ARETHA FRANKLIN TO SING FOR THE POPE!


ARETHA FRANKLIN

"The Queen of Soul"

sings for

Pope Francis

"The Shepherd of Souls"

in Philadelphia

using one of her classic hits

as a perfect introduction for

The United States Hierarchy


just kidding (sort of)

I meant this one




or would this one be better?



Hey, at least it's Aretha and not Justin Bieber or One Direction . . . 



Friday, September 25, 2015

BREAKING NEWS: PEE WEE HERMAN COVERS PAPAL VISIT

OMG

Is this for real?

On EWTN (Elderly Woman Talking Nonsense), Pee Wee Herman is covering the Papal Visit!

Oh wait . . . Reynaldo just texted me. It's Raymond Arroyo? I think they've embalmed the wrong person. Mother Bombastica died 8 years ago, didn't she? Why did they embalm Arroyo instead?
Reynaldo again . . . she's still alive?

Gotta run.

Pope Francis has just arrived at the UN and took a picture with the Secretary General in front of Norman Rockwell's iconic painting of worldwide faith.
Reynaldo . . . anti-Pope Pius XIII, Truman Cardinal Capote is arriving too . . . oh dear . . . part of him is still in Central Park!

TOKYO - Day 3: Of flamers and fruitloops

EXCLUSIVE FROM FATHER ZILDORF!

I am on vacation, so I am not paying huge attention to the papal visit. That's what vacation is for, right? Plus I don't believe he is the Pope. Neither do my sedevacantist friends at RETROrate. Neither do the seminarians I am turning into pre-Vatican II meaningless relics. Neither does our real Pope, anti-Pope Pius XIII, Truman Cardinal Capote.

Tokyo.


Since my hosts and traveling companions are all living with me off the stupidly generous donations of the very stupid laypeople who read my blog and are dumb enough to think that 1) I believe in God 2) actually pray for anyone at my 15 minute daily Tridentine Requiem Masses, we're eating whatever the hell we feel like eating. Some of it dead. Some of it alive.


I miss the Surging Seminarians of Madison. And all the other delicate devotees I was able to get the dumbest laity to provide pom-pom hats and useless scruple spoons for so that they'll be as irrelevant and useless to the future of the Catholic Church as I am.

Fortunately, the places we hit here in Tokyo are staffed by people who remind me of my favorite seminarians back home.



Even the crazy ethnic chick I have militarizing my clerical shirts has a look-alike here in Tokyo!


The circular basin has boiling water in which we cook veg, tofu and . . . . beef. If you get my drift.


And the waiters who help us get cookin' look just like the cookers! Again, if you get my drift.
Pickles to pick at while working! So to speak.

OK . . . gotta run. So much money donated by the dipshits. So many places to spend it here in Tokyo.

Is the Pretend Pope Still in the US? Never mind. I don't care.







Wednesday, September 23, 2015

UNITED STATES BISHOPS PREPARE TO MEET WITH POPE FRANCIS

United States Bishops
gather in
Saint Matthew's Cathedral
to meet with
Pope Francis!

Can you identify
your bishop?

Washington, D.C. security forces
keep an eye on those tricky streets downtown!




WELCOME, POPE FRANCIS!



Great Pope - Super Car!
My Bishop's Car

Bishop Bling's Car

Truman Cardinal Capote
in the backseat of his car