Tuesday, June 30, 2015


Liturgical Tip #1:

Semper ubi sub ubi.

Alone or with others.

Saturday, June 27, 2015


Justice Kennedy:
''The nature of marriage is that, through its enduring bond, two persons together can find other freedoms, such as expression, intimacy, and spirituality."

That make sense to me.

Justice Scalia:
"Really? Who ever thought that intimacy and spirituality (whatever that means) were freedoms? And if intimacy is, one would think Freedom of Intimacy is abridged rather than expanded by marriage. Ask the nearest hippie."

That makes sense too.

OK, so I'm confused. 

But you probably noticed that.

I'm not a hippie. My parents were hippies. Sort of. They always played Woodstock type hippie music. But they didn't go to Woodstock because they were both working that weekend at The Big Department Store That Was Bought Out By A Chain at What Was A Shopping Center Before It Became a Mall and had to cover for the hippies who called in sick to go to Woodstock.

Dad said it was a good preparation for life, because in his career he had to work double in the office on days when fellow workers who were "deadbeats" called in sick. And he had to pay such high taxes, he said, to provide for "deadbeats" who wouldn't provide for themselves or their families.

And my parents liked both of these songs from back then.

Both of these songs make sense to me.

See why I'm so confused?

My parents loved this song too. But did Frank know this was for one of "those" couples? At least Reynaldo heard that from one of the old fools he's always mixing drinks for . . . they'd know. Or would they? Listen to the words. I'm so confused.

I could never figure out why Frank left the priesthood to become an actor. I'll bet it was that foxy little Mia Farrow! He seemed like such a good priest. No plastic tab collar for him!
Breviary right there on the desk. Looks like the Baronius Press edition. And no fancy computer either. And it seems like he was into Summorum Pontificum and the Tridentine Mass. Wait. Didn't he die before Summorum Pontificum? I'm so confused.

Friday, June 26, 2015

FROM MUNDY'S CLOSET: Caption Contest

In between homophopic screeds and insane rants our pal Mundy is having a caption contest.  Since I'm sure he won't accept my caption through his comments, here goes. 

Benedict: Ach mein Gott, ich Scheiße meine Hose wieder.

Francis: Egli puzza. Il vecchio merda nei pantaloni di nuovo.

Wednesday, June 24, 2015


I don't know about you, and it could just have something to do with this nutty blog, but I'm constantly getting bizarre shit information about Catholic Traditionalists in my email. What I have trouble keeping straight organized about all these Krazy Katholics is Where The Hell Are They Now? and What The Hell Are They Doing? Forget the Why The Hell Are They Doing It? I'm pretty sure not even God knows the answer to that one!

Which brings me to one of my favorite people, who by now must have racked up more Frequent Flyer Miles than Truman Cardinal Capote, A.K.A. Cardinal Burke, A.K.A. anti-Pope Pius XIII.
DALLAS: the FAA gave special permission for him to land wearing that mitre which was found to interfere with traffic control signals from as far away as Atlanta and Los Angeles!
His Excellency
The Most Reverend

+ Anathema Scheitfürbrainz

Titular Abbess* of Chlamydia
Auxiliary Bishop
of the

Archdiocese of Maria Santissima


Republic of Kamelshitdumpiztan

Episcopal Motto:

He Knows The Faith


* formerly Titular Bishop until Chlamydia was discovered to be an Abbey of Nuns, not a Diocese

To me, +Anathema is one of the most interesting Bishops-at-Large roving the Church today trying to pretend Vatican II never happened and Pope Francis was never elected.
MOSCOW: As Archdeacon Rasputin, Spiritual Director to Vladimir Putin looks on, while that young dude on the left, one of the living reasons the Prayer for Vocations needs to be revised, teaches the Bishop humility by dressing him up. Tit-binding ribbons and First Communion Shoes are crucial elements in restoring the One True Faith to its pre-Vatican II splendor!
DUBLIN: What happened to the Wearin' o' the Green? I'll bet there was the Collectin' o' the Green! Just like at a Father Z Mass!
What a career!

Anathema has clearly not got anything to do in either of the places where he's been Auxiliary Bishop. Of course I have no idea how this stuff works, but it looks like Rome had him made a bishop and then "parked" him in Kamelshitdumpiztan so he could be the unofficial "roving bishop" doing all the old rite stuff and befriending the SSPX.

Seems to me that +Anathema is the next great gift to the Church by Benedict XVI: after the nutty Fraudinariate and Summorum Pompositum, we now discover a validly consecrated Roman Episcopus Vagrans making the rounds and making a mess.

Some people are surprised he's so friendly with The Bishop Fellay Show, but good old +Anathema was dorm mates and tennis partners with young Georg Gänswein back when they both hung out at Ecône, discerning which way was the fastest track to snagging the coolest titles and wearing the most splendiferous regalia. Guess who won? But I digress . . .

And he's the only Bishop I've ever heard of who was consecrated by a layman! Seriously, what's that all about?
Principal Consecrator:
Angelo Cardinal Sodano
Principal Co-consecrators:
Archbishop Jan Pawel Lenga

Because of that, for some reason, Anathema's not allowed to have his own laptop and he had to get his hair bleached with some special disinfectant. That layman who co-consecrated him apparently had an S.T.D. (no, not the pontifical theology degree, but a Sexually Transmitted Disease). So Reynaldo says. And Reynaldo hears. Yes, Reynaldo knows. Being in Rome around Cardinals. Weird.

SYDNEY: Tie me kangaroo down, sport, make my platypus smile! Here he is Down Under, an expression that has nothing to do with that weird consecration by a layman with the S.T.D. 
I know, I know there really can't be very many Confirmations in Kamelshitdumpiztan, but this guy is everywhere!

And he takes up a lot of room! Imagine the plane fare?

You'd recognize him anywhere. Because he's been everywhere!

Very funny! That's not + Anathema! That's the "Lovely Lady Dressed in Blue" dude! Reynaldo sent that pic and labeled it "Anathema3.jpg" Very funny, Reynnie boy!

And talk about Friends In High Places Who Really Hate The Pope!

Those two will save the Church! You wait and see! Or maybe you want to get out now before they do!

I don't think he likes Pope Francis very much either. You know, the Pope that warned the Successors of the Apostles: Don't commit the scandal of becoming Airport Bishops!? When this guy isn't dressing up like it's 1957, he's in an airport somewhere. Hey just like Father Z! What a coincidence!

But with the ecclesiastical wardrobe he's managed to a-Mass (Usus Antiquior), Reynaldo says some of his regular bar customers refer to this character as Anne-athema. Even very Traditionalist Catholics can be so cruel!

Tuesday, June 23, 2015


Father D and his co-workers from his days working in the chancery.

I often say that I'd be much better off if I avoided reading all these blogs written (with such intense devotion for self promotion) by blogger priests.  If only if could be said (once again) about me, if ignorance is bliss, old Juan Todd must be the happiest man on earth.  But alas even when I have a moment of rare self discipline, or a day when I'm too busy covering my own azz, to read their shtako, someone will email, text, tweet or facebook share a link to something stupid, irritating or obnoxious.  

So I'm mentally preparing myself for the exam one gets around the age of fifty. Then some kind reader sends me a text to a blog entry with this picture.

Thank goodness he discerned a call to career in the priesthood rather than as a urologist or proctologist.  Only thing worse than a slothful begging presbyter is a stubby fat fingered proctologist.
Of course some people combine careers: this was the Father Rectum Rector of our seminary.
Speaking of shit and assholes... What else is going on in the Fickle Fraternity of the krazy katholic blogosphere?

Rev'd Mum M. John Cunniwicke, OLW is having a bit of a gin and tonic soaked ramble on the English Ordinariate, Groins and Pusey and the need to bend our minds and conform... I'm sure regular readers (and readerettes) will agree that Father D's mind is already bent enough and that it's certainly too late for me to attempt to conform to the clerical norm (see what I did there?) as promulgated by the League of Blogger Priests.  On top of that imagine the bollocks of the clergy of the Ordinariate of Our Lady of Walsingsnark (OLW) teaching anyone to conform! (We'll convert, but not until we're promised speedy ordinations, prelatial titles and the privilege of pontifical regalia that most Latin Rite Monsignori have been forbidden to wear for the last fifty years!) Bugger me till I'm bald and blind! 

Father "Bobby Walnuts" Sirico at Acton U.
So, Pere Zed is Teaching at Acton University (is that a Catholic institution? and what would Saint Augustine have to say about Action U?) and Paulie Walnuts' brother Bobby is all but outright condemning the economic statements and implications of Laudato Si and merely giving lip service to Rerum Novarum and Centesimus Annus (saw "anus" and thought it was about himself!) with the emphasis being on the "preferential option for liberty."  Certainly not all of the statements in the encyclical are infallible, right? We good and faithful Katholics can give as much assent to this encyclical on the environment as all the dirty cafeteria catholic liberals give to Humanae Vitae, right Zombies? And notice that none of these clerical phonies ever tells you that Exxon, among others, has donated over $300,000 to Acton over the years!

Look, Father D can barely balance his own checkbook, never mind getting my mind around socio-economic theories. This is why instead of going to Acton U this past week I offered Mass, anointed the sick and heard confessions. Someone even sent in a picture of me in action. Our ratio here is something like 5,000 venial sins to one damn good and juicy mortal sin. So Yawwwwn!

Upon returning from his graduate lecture at A.U. Big Zed posted another plug for the upcoming book by Father Reggie Foster, OCD (to be pre-ordered through the Zombie Link to Amazon of course.)  I do not know Father Reggie. I am blessed to know a couple of his long time students and have been entertained by many of their Reggie stories over the years.  Most folks who have heard of him know that his regular "habit" has for years consisted of blue Dickies style work pants and a blue, usually denim, shirt rather than the "habit of poverty" it costs the Discalced Carmelites roughly $450 a piece to have made. (Has anyone ever seen Father Reggie in habit or clerical collar?  Almost a rare image as seeing Zed pictured without a collar I bet.)   In spite of his hyper critical attitude of most Vatican Two clergy of a certain age, Zuhlsdorf takes no pot shots at the revered Carmelite priest friar and long time Vatican Latinist, in spite of Father Reggie's open disdain for clericalism and the efforts to return to the use of Latin in the Liturgy.  I'd love to hear Father Reggie's take on our venerable brother Father Z, especially having heard of his comment about one Curial Cardinal being the meanest son of a bitch in the Vatican. (Who knew that SOB would soon be elected pope!)

Yes. Yes I do. And Father D wants to give every last one of those miserable Katholic Krazy Blogger Assholes the Bad Finger! Come and Get It!

Monday, June 22, 2015


From the beginning my Church has been what she still is and what she will be until the last day: a scandal for strong spirits, a disappointment for weak spirits, and a test and a consolation for interior souls who seek only me. Indeed, Brother Martin, whoever looks for me there finds me, but that is where I must be found.

And in the Church I am more hidden than people think, or than some of my priests want to make you believe - harder to find even than in the little stable at Bethlehem, for those, that is, who do not approach me humbly, in the tracks of the Magi and the Shepherds.

For it's true that they've built me palaces, with endless galleries and peristyles, magnificently lit by night and by day and thronging with guards and sentinels. But, to find me there - the same as on that ancient road of Judaea buried under snow - the cleverest among you still has only to ask me for the one thing necessary: and this is a star and a pure heart.

Just think of it! After fifteen centuries, you still see people everywhere who boast of being better than others, simply because they belong to me. You'd think I'd chosen them for their beautiful faces and their lovely souls! Poor children! 

Anyone can suffer for the Church, Brother Martin. It is necessary to suffer through her!

The only way of reforming the vices of the Church is to lavish on her the example of one's most heroic virtues. It's quite possible that Saint Francis of Assisi was not any less thrown into revolt than Luther by the debauchery and simony of prelates. We can even be sure that his suffering on this account was fiercer because his nature was very different from the monk of Wittenberg.

But Francis did not challenge iniquity; he was not tempted to confront it; instead, he threw himself into poverty, immersing himself in it as deeply as possible along with his followers. He found in poverty the very source and wellspring of all absolution and all purity. Instead of attempting to snatch from the Church all her ill-gotten goods, he overwhelmed her with invisible treasures, and under the hand of this beggar the heaps of gold and lust began blossoming like an April hedge.

Ah yes, I'm well aware that in these matters, comparisons aren't worth much, especially when seasoned with a little humor. Would you still allow me to say, however, in order to be better understood by some readers, that what the Church needs is not critics but artists? When poetry is in full crisis, the important thing is not to point the finger at bad poets but oneself to write beautiful poems, thus unstopping the sacred springs.

Bernanos, Brother Martin

Wednesday, June 17, 2015


All creatures of our God and King,
Lift up your voice and with us sing,
Alleluia! Alleluia!
Thou Brother Sun with golden beam,
Thou Sister Moon with softer gleam!

O praise Him! O praise Him!
Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!

Thou Brother Wind who art so strong
Ye clouds that sail in Heaven along,
O praise Him! Alleluia!
Thou Sister, Moon in praise rejoice,
Sweet lights of evening, find a voice!

O praise Him! O praise Him!
Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!
Swift Sister Water, pure and clear,
Make music for thy Lord to hear!
O praise Him! Alleluia!
Thou Brother Fire, robust and bright,
So playful, strong, so warm and light!

O praise Him! O praise Him!
Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!

Dear Mother Earth, who day by day,
Unfold thy blessings on our way,
O praise Him! Alleluia!
All flowers and fruits that in thee grow,
Let them His glory also show!

O praise Him! O praise Him!
Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!
All ye with mercy in your heart,
Forgiving others, take your part,
O sing ye! Alleluia!
Ye who long pain and sorrow bear,
Praise God and on Him cast your care!

O praise Him! O praise Him!
Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!

Most kind and gentle Sister Death,
Waiting to hush our final breath,
O praise Him! Alleluia!
Thou leadest home the child of God,
And Christ our Lord that way hath trod.

O praise Him! O praise Him!
Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!
Let all things their Creator bless,
And worship Him in humbleness,
O praise Him! Alleluia!
Praise God the Father, God the Son,
Praise God the Spirit, Three in One!

O praise Him! O praise Him!
Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!
Laudato Sia, Dio Mio Signore
Saint Francis of Assisi (+1225)
translated and paraphrased William H. Draper (+1933) et al.

A prayer for our earth

All-powerful God, you are present in the whole universe
and in the smallest of your creatures.
You embrace with your tenderness all that exists.
Pour out upon us the power of your love,
that we may protect life and beauty.
Fill us with peace, that we may live
as brothers and sisters, harming no one.
O God of the poor,
help us to rescue the abandoned and forgotten of this earth,
so precious in your eyes.
Bring healing to our lives,
that we may protect the world and not prey on it,
that we may sow beauty, not pollution and destruction.
Touch the hearts
of those who look only for gain
at the expense of the poor and the earth.
Teach us to discover the worth of each thing,
to be filled with awe and contemplation,
to recognize that we are profoundly united
with every creature
as we journey towards your infinite light.
We thank you for being with us each day.
Encourage us, we pray, in our struggle
for justice, love and peace.

A Christian prayer in union with creation

Father, we praise you with all your creatures.
They came forth from your all-powerful hand;
they are yours, filled with your presence and your tender love.
Praise be to you!

Son of God, Jesus,
through you all things were made.
You were formed in the womb of Mary our Mother,
you became part of this earth,
and you gazed upon this world with human eyes.
Today you are alive in every creature
in your risen glory.
Praise be to you!

Holy Spirit, by your light
you guide this world towards the Father’s love
and accompany creation as it groans in travail.
You also dwell in our hearts
and you inspire us to do what is good.
Praise be to you!

Triune Lord, wondrous community of infinite love,
teach us to contemplate you
in the beauty of the universe,
for all things speak of you.
Awaken our praise and thankfulness
for every being that you have made.
Give us the grace to feel profoundly joined
to everything that is.

God of love, show us our place in this world
as channels of your love
for all the creatures of this earth,
for not one of them is forgotten in your sight.
Enlighten those who possess power and money
that they may avoid the sin of indifference,
that they may love the common good, advance the weak,
and care for this world in which we live.
The poor and the earth are crying out.

O Lord, seize us with your power and light,
help us to protect all life,
to prepare for a better future,
for the coming of your Kingdom
of justice, peace, love and beauty.
Praise be to you!

Given in Rome at Saint Peter’s on 24 May, the Solemnity of Pentecost, in the year 2015, the third of my Pontificate.


Catholicism is hard.  The bar is set high for all of us to reach for it.  The Eastern Church has a less legalistic understanding. The bar is always set to the same height so we can continue to reach for it. The concept of "economia is discretionary deviation from the letter of the law in order to adhere to the spirit of the law and charity. This is in contrast to legalism. If you can't do what you are supposed to do, try doing this much, for now.
This is not cafeteria Catholicism, this is more portion control.

But the Venerable Father Z, ever so faithful to the popes that he likes, has decided, this pope and this encyclical, especially in areas critical of the free market, can be set aside because he doesn't like them. 

"Oh Father D!" you say, "You're exaggerating."

One of Fr Z’s first reactions to the encyclical ‘Laudato si”
Posted on  by Fr. John Zuhlsdorf

The Italian was leaked and now there is an English version out.  There are some good moments in it.  There’s something for everyone.
However, it’s pretty hard on free markets.  I don’t care much for that discussion.
So, here’s an initial approach.
Perhaps we can pay as much attention to the sections on markets and environment, as the catholic Left pays to Humanae vitae.We will pay as much attention to this as the libs pay to 
Summorum Pontificum.

Am I really surprised?  I'm surprised that it took this long.  But, Pope
Francis has hit Zed where it hurts the most. His wallet.

If they're not going to obey those rules, I don't have to obey these rules. So there! Pfffffffffft!

Some satisfied Katholic Kafeteria krazy kustomers, all fed up to here, damn it!, with that Modernist crap and nourished by Sacred Tradition instead. Taste and see how good is the Trent:

What's fine dining without some fine music. This is SO Father Z on so many levels . . . 

Tuesday, June 16, 2015


As noted here yesterday and celebrated there yesterday (natch!),  L'Espresso's Vaticanista (o?) and Captain of the Society of Anti-Pope Francis Journalists of Planet Earth, Sandro Magister leaked the (or at least an) Italian version of Pope Francis' forthcoming encyclical Laudato Si: On the Care of Our Common Home which is was under embargo until Thursday at Roman Noon.

Today, the current papal Press Secretary, Father Frederico Lombardi, S.J., informed the future Press Secretary for the anti-Pope Pius XIII, Magister No-No, that his accreditation as a journalist to the Holy See is "suspended from tomorrow for an indeterminate period."
Send Magister a Bitter Onion and a Honey-Whiskered gin-and-tonic to wash it down, then book him with the rest of the sedevacantist bloggers on The Midnight Train to Econe. Cuz, hey, baby, when you gotta go, you gotta go, you gotta go! WooHoo! Oh yeah!

Monday, June 15, 2015


Way back when, the devoutly Republican, Cafeteria Catholic William F. Buckley didn't much like Pope Saint John XXIII's encyclical Mater et Magistra.

So he wrote an article, "Mater, Si. Magistra, No!" Basically telling Saint John XXIII to mind his own business when it came to applying Church teaching to social issues. Kind of the way devoutly Democratic, Cafeteria Catholics do on their social issues. Different issues, same approach.

But today it's Magister, No!

Actually, Sandro Magister, BIG NO NO!
That's him! Sandro Magister, President of the Pope Benedict XVI Fan Club and future Press Secretary for Pope Pius XIII.

So how does this dude feel about Pope Francis?




That's why Magister is beloved by:

Today Magister No No and his buddies BROKE THE EMARGO on the unread-but-already-hated encyclical letter, Laudato Si: On the Care of Our Common Home.

To mix metaphors,

Turds of a Feather Float Together!