Thursday, April 30, 2015


I want to bump this to the top so that more priests will see it after a busy weekend of counting collections, choosing just the right cigar, and matching it to the proper beverage  (Fr Z's favorite is Johnny Walker Blue, in honor of our Blessed Mother, "exceptionally smooth with traces of smoke, florals and sweet spice." Like my first pastor! But I digress!).

Fathers, please take a break between nocturns when you're sprinting through tomorrow's Matins this afternoon and sign this petition asking the Synod Fathers not to let the Holy Spirit get anywhere near Saint Peter's (that visit on March 13, 2013 was the first stop in many many years and look at the havoc!). Remember the CREDO motto:


I see Bishop Paprika has taken time out from exorcising gays, (well, the ones who aren't in Holy Orders) to join the other tall hats who have had the buskins to sign up with Father Poppycock's Krock of Krazy Klerics. (Our ontologically inferior commenter friends have asked that this list be revised to specify what parishes these priests have been inflicted upon, by good shepherds plugging holes with a-holes, to make it easier to avoid them on weekends.)


That should do it.

Fathers: Your middle name does NOT have to be Mary or Marie in order for your signature to be accepted! Though this will help, of course!

Father D tried to sign and was told the Suburbicarian Diocese of In Flagrante Delicto does not exist, and that he does not exist. I am "free to yuck it up" all I want, but not on this petition which is "not a joke" because our "Catholic identity and faith is at stake."  Bada bing! (as they say in the MeTouchin Diocese)

Imagine that!  My diocese is suppressed and they didn't even tell me! No wonder my monthly check has stopped. 

Ontologically Inferior (Doubly!) Women Commenting On This Blog: Unlike when commenting on HIS blog, you do NOT have to be wearing your Chapel Veil when commenting on MY blog. Just no pants please! (Hey! Don't be a smart ass: I mean wear a dress or some other tent-like garment)


What a moving portrait of her! And it's so nice to see a nun in the full habit! Anyways, as I was saying, the odd hormonal imbalance that made Dame Benedicta, in the world Elsa von Bärtigescheidegesicht (Remember the Abbess called her that in The Sound of Music? Shameful!) the butt of such cruel sport in the schoolyard has proven no obstacle to her monastic signing career. We always called her Elsa von BS for short.

After you sign the petition, listen to this CD.

Father D's favorite track by far so far  . . . brings back so many memories! (Not true that it was written by some West Hollywood flamer who tricked Macho Man Frank Sinatra into thinking it was a hetero-ballad. But I digress.) Take it away, Dame Benedicta! (She sounds so much like the little old bearded woman who used to sing all the 15 minute morning Requiems according to the Timeless Rite of All the Ages back when I was a kid.)

KRAZY KATHOLIC KONVERT KAPER: Cunniwicke Convokes Inquisition

Monsignori of the Ordinariate in causal dress

The Anglican Fraudinariate
Our Lady of Snarkingham

!!! WITCH HUNT !!!

(Coincidentally both words rhyme with words that describe, perfectly! the Grand Inquisitor of this Kaper! But I digress.)

Mother Cunniwicke petitioned his Well Vested (yet still lacking Episcopal Power of Orders) Ordinary for Team of Official Inquiry, but as he is lacking any real authority over normal Catholics, Mother will have to suffice with abnormal volunteers. 

Reverend Mother M John Cunniwicke, 
who really, REALLY, REALLY hates Pope Francisbut does so in a passive-aggressive way in order to try to keep the heat off I'm-Not-Really-A-Bishop(And-Never-Really-Was-One)But-I-Dress-Up-Like-One Keith Newton (yes, morsels, that's Wayne's kid brother, and same make-up artist!)gallantly (the way she does everything!) announces a Solemn High Inquisition seeking






In Mother Cunniwicke's own words this Chrisgrady is "a lovely and so-terribly-witty and marvellously-sophisticated, but with obvious mental and sexual pathologies, grotesque creature who will bandy around or swap, with easy, chummy, familiarity, sick jokes and foul-mouthed abuse, full of savage, explosive, sexually-charged malevolence." 

If you've followed Mother C, morsels, you know she's knows what she's talkin' about there -

In fact those qualities make this Chris Grady character sound like he's got a vocation to Holy Orders in the Fraudinariate! Though I suspect he's lacking a Wife In A Crate™ considering his close friendship with Reynaldo, though one never knows if that's an impediment with this crowd. 

So DIG UP DIRT and get it to Reverend Mother Cunniwicke with all seemly haste because according to the paternal benevolence of the pope who isn't Pope, it's the priestly thing to do!

If your dirt intel is convincing enough (not true, just convincing) Mother Cunniwicke will gift you one of these fine Hummer Figurines.  
My memory ain't what it used to be, but that name sounded familiar to me.  I remember my dear Reynaldo entertaining me with tales of his previous travels with a gentleman of that name. Oh the tales!  Traveling Europe and These United States with a relic called the Pilgrim Pallium of Minneapolis. So I did some digging.

I hate to admit this, but I found the little key that opened the 3-year My Diary I had bought Reynaldo for Christmas at Walmart using those Amazon Gift Cards you readers and readerettes so foolishly kindly bought me and read the damn thing. Well, at least the juicy parts. Lotsa juice with Reynaldo. So I know this "grotesque" Grady had several weekends with Reynaldo … Ironically in the same villa on Capri favored by Merry del Val and HIS Reynaldo way back when.

Reynaldo sent us this picture of the doormat outside Mr Grady's Villa
Which is ironic as well as exotic and, like I said downright juicy because they say the reason poor old senile but still infallible Leo XIII issued Apostolicae Curae declaring Old Cunniwicke and the rest of his coven "absolutely null and utterly void" was because Leo was being led around by the nose by arrogant English clergymen, while Miss Merry was on vacation. And this was over 100 years before Benedict XVI was led around by another generation of equally arrogant English clergymen.

Though all of these dears possess the costumes, only one possesses the fullness of the priesthood  (Episcopal Orders).
Can you identify him?
Don't go by the mitre, since this pic shows a violation of protocol.

The only difference? The previous Englishmen converted first. This new Gang waited until they were promised mitres and rings and green cords and skullcaps and pectoral crosses - a Bishop's costume with none of a Bishop's powers. 

In a stunning instance of pre-papal infallibility, then-Cardinal Bergoglio declared at that time, "There is absolutely no need for Anglican Ordinariates …" Speaking of suspicions, we've long suspected that THAT is what has Mother Cunniwicke's feminine hygiene garments in a twist whenever Pope Francis is mentioned . . . 

But back to it, morsels:

Chrisgrady the Grotesque
Grand Inquisitor Cunniwicke

Of course, we hear that the Fraudinariate Ordinary will not accept "information and suspicions" - only hard evidence. In fact I think he said rock hard evidence. Oh those randy Anglo-Catholics!

Now, from Hymns Ancient and Modern (the best hymnal ever compiled . . . and so Patrimony!!!), the version of the Ecce Sacerdos always used when the Ordinary visits outposts of the Fraudinariate . . . 

Oh dear, morsels, the WITCH HUNT page seems to have vanished almost as quickly as every Roman Catholic bishop will tell you privately the Fraudinariate is going to!

Who caused it to be taken down?
Wayne Newton's kid brother?

Well, no matter, WE still want the dirty on Chrisgrady!
So send it directly to Father D!

Here's what they took down:

29 April 2015

Do you remember the Bob Mickens whom even the Tablet had to sack from being its Rome correspondent? He, and a friend using the style Chris Grady, had exchanged some social media comments about enjoying the funeral of "The Rat", by whom this lovely and so-terribly-witty and marvellously-sophisticated pair meant our Holy Father the emeritus Pope Benedict XVI. I gather Mickens had very little trouble securing further employment; verily, the Sons of this World do look after their own.

As it happens, I may very well have had personal experience of the other unsavoury individual involved in that poisonous exchange (if not of him, then of someone sharing or usurping the same name). On 16 January 2014, a 'Chrisgrady' offered this comment to one of my threads; I was unable to print it because of a libellous reference to **, a brother priest. It referred to me as "just a nasty old married queen - except, unlike most of your fellow married queens in the Backdoordinariate, like **, you're married to a woman."  I delete, about once a fortnight, 'comments' in a highly similar literary style and with the same mental and sexual pathologies, very often demonstrating an obsessive hatred of the Ordinariate, its Ordinary, and its clergy. This is why I keep getting reminded .... (Don't worry ... I don't lose any sleep about it!)

It is significant that the 'flagship journal' of English Catholicism, currently engaged in witch-hunts against "the 500" clergy and in banging endlessly on ... still!!! ... about the current English translation of the Missal, had for years employed, in a sensitive post, someone who is, apparently, in such a relationship with the 'Chrisgrady' person that either or both of them bandy around or swap, with easy, chummy, familiarity, sick jokes, foul-mouthed abuse. Very dodgy judgement there! Time for a change in the Board of Trustees?

But ... back to my lingering curiosity about this grotesque pair. The quotation I give above reminds me of the savage, explosive, sexually-charged malevolence you sometimes find in 'failed' seminarians from a certain period within the post-Conciliar decades. And they have the sort of mindset which might easily come from such a background; or else from hanging around for too long in ... bad company.

Does anyone have access to information about the past histories of either of these two savants? Please indicate if you particularly desire your comment not to be enabled. In fact, for obvious reasons, I am not likely to enable most comments on this post. But I will be grateful for information or suspicions shared!


The Other Newton
every bit as much a Bishop as his kid brother Keith

Tuesday, April 28, 2015


Buon giorno, morsels! Unless you live in Baltimore, that is. So sad . . . At least the city's Archbishop is taking time out from slashing tires on that nuns' bus and hitting up his Plumed Warriors (the K of C) to sponsor the Sacra Regurgita USA Conference: "Vatican II Liturgy Sucks and We Want Our Maniples and Scrupe Spoons Back" to do some practical pastoral street work:
Baltimore's Archbishop Lori lends a hand to the BFD
putting out fires with holy water.
Speaking of practical and pastoral, this little post should save you oodles of time, which you can then devote to getting a few days ahead in your Breviary obligation (those of you so bound) or catching up on past episodes of Mad Men, Vicar of Dibley, Queer Eye for the Catholic Guy or whatever . . . After all, Father D's presbyteral motto is: Among You To Serve! How many Bishops have chosen that as their motto, even if they really meant Do Not Disturb? My first Bishop's motto was Servus Inutilis. Luke 17:10. Look it up! as Father Z would bark. You know, the Diocesan brethren couldn't agree on much, but everyone agreed that his motto, if not his selection by the self-propagating Bishops' Club Holy Spirit, had been truly God-inspired. Yes, he had never even visited the Diocese before being named Bishop. And there were only 578 priests to choose from. So naturally the Holy Spirit took off on an galaxy-wide search and found probably the emptiest head ever to wear a mitre (and just think of the territory that covers!). He was a NAC-er! What a coincidence! Just like every other loser on the "selection committee", the other bishops in the Province! One of the old monks in the Diocese used to shake his head and say, "Aye, lad! What a lamentable waste of perfectly good chrism . . . " I asked our ancient Auxiliary once, "How do you do it?" "How do I do what?" he replied. I pointed down the hall toward Bishop Useless' office. "How do you pretend to be even dimmer than the small appliance bulb the Pope installed at the end of the hallway?" "It isn't easy, kid," he mumbled. The Auxiliary was an honest man, God (and all that Chivas Regal) rest his soul. I guess the Chair has one of those warning labels: Bulb Must Not Exceed 2 watts. Because several changes later, every one a NAC-er, the wattage is still Small Appliance Bulb Only. Endless supply at the Pontifical North American Dance Academy obviously, and they should change that hymn they sing when they're creating these mitered birdbrains to Veni Repeater Spiritus. Because the Creator part isn't very obvious. Look at this picture of ++Sassy Sal at a gathering with lots of pink balloons. Doesn't that look like a small light bulb over his chrome dome?

But I digress . . . 

First, a fun quiz (prize: Reynaldo's cellphone number!):

A. Reverend and "Mrs" M. John Cunniwicke (in a younger day, obviously)?
B. Bitter Bag O' Onions and his Petunia (on All Souls' Day, obviously)?
C. A Fraudinariate Ordinary-But-Not-Really-A-Bishop and the Missus?
D. Crushed Bones Thrilling (on the left) and Spiritual Director
E. MundyBore (also the one on the left) and Boy Friend?
F. Father Z (either one)
G. None of the above, but thanks, Father D, for taking the piss out of six of the Kraziest Krazies

Some have beards on their faces, others beards on their arms, others one of each . . . 

So Pope Francis had some great advice to those he was about to ordain as priests this past "Good Shepherd Sunday" on how to be good shepherds.

You can tell Francis hit home, because Ol' Ma Cunniwicke realized "Hey, everything Bergoglio thinks a priest shouldn't be, I am. And everything Bergoglio wants these new priests to be, I'm not!" So with special thanks to Not-Really-A-Bishop-But-I-Dress-Up-Like-One Keith Newton for giving cradle Catholics in the UK and all over the world the pleasure of Cunniwicke & Coven's real presence in what was a perfectly good Church before, here's a news flash:

Reverend Mother M. John Cunniwicke
Enjoy the passive-aggressive RANT right here!
Speaking of Tips for Priests from the Pope, here are two of his best ones:

1) Serve the flock, don't manage it!

2) No more boring homilies! “Let your homilies reach people's hearts because they come from your heart! Words without example are empty words, and will never arrive at the heart and even do harm: They do no good!”

For a great example of a boring homily, go here! (Fortunately it seems to have been written sometime before that Rite was abrogated in 1969!). Of course, Thanks be to God Deo Gratias, as Alfred Loisy say (whose biblical theology got him excommunicated during the pontificate of Cardinal Merry del Val Saint Pius X before everyone realized he was right): "Every Sunday, 30,000 sermons are preached in France . . . and still the people believe!"

But here's Francis' best line of all!

That probably loses something in the translation from Spanish, even though Francis gave the homily in Italian, but like other forms of pornography, I think I know clerical "doing the peacock" when I see it:

NB to ++Sassy Sal's San Fran Fan Club:
He's got them in every color!
(Say, can you spot the Bitter (Purple) Onion in the pics below?)
These are two too cool pictures but real small:
1) ++Sassy Sal's Front Side
2) ++ Sassy Sal's Back Side
(the end of him was TWO BLOCKS away!)

Last But Not And Least:
Make-Believe "Bishops" with "Wives" in Crates
even more invalid than Eucharistic Prayer II

If you're wondering, as I so often do, how you can avoid priests who both DO THE PEACOCK and GIVE BORING HOMILIES, my good buddy and yours, Father Z has provided us with a:

I'm pretty sure that this is a good start for a list of priests and parishes that are A Must To Avoid! Check out the names! But first, brew yourself a fresh pot of Abbot Typhoid's Monk's Blend Dark Roasted Facial Hair blend and drink it out of a mug that matches the list of Credo Priests and their fellow culture warriors:

But how to avoid Krazy Katholic ontologically inferior types? Well, you could start right here:

That's MundyBore! No, of course I'm not going to tell you which one he is, although sitting down comfortably is, for many reasons, a challenge for him. Here's his latest on Pope Francis:
Let us, then, compare the Unholy Father with his “greatest fan”, Diego Maradona. 
Arrogant? Check. 
Ignorant? Check 
Drug use? Check 
Full of himself? Check 
Full of sh!t? Double check. 
Like Maradona, who in those years shocked Italians so much with the brazenness of his entire persona, Francis lies simply because he can. The same arrogance, the same boorishness, the same utter disregard for decency or reality we saw once in Maradona we see now replicated in another son of his country. 
I remember Maradona, and observe Bergoglio. Not for the first time, I seem to notice that these two are two peas in a pod; not only because they share elementary character traits, but also because they seem to come from a country where such brazenness is certainly not condemned or ridiculed as it would be elsewhere, and it is probably even  – more or less secretly – appreciated as a sign of self-confidence, or derring-do. But it isn’t. To behave like Maradona or Bergoglio you don’t need to be brave, merely lacking in integrity and shame.  
I see these two, and I know that they are two peas in a pod.
Pope Francis The-Pot-Smoker, The Hand of Satan. 
How deep have we fallen.
What a sweetheart, eh? If you need any more proof that the Abrogated Mass was abrogated, just take a gander at the spirit of someone who wouldn't attend anything but!

And don't forget his bosom(or wherever)-buddy:

But I'm so glad I found the Catholic Church!
Imagine putting that face in charge of your Cub Scout Troop? This poor sick puppy has a rant that is really amusing (OK, it amused me after the third frozen mudslide, so . . . ) and his blog banner is a hoot and a half:
Speaking of being on the throne, if this Kruize through the Krazy Katholic Kraposphere is giving you the Kraps, consider heading to your home credence table and filling a (forbidden in church) glass chalice with this delightful recipe. As you know, Reynaldo has a new gig tending a very private bar and seems to have discovered a vocation. Among other things. Quite the uniform code, I must say! No lace there, "Reynnie Boy"!
Anyhow, good of Reynaldo to email me over the weekend his most popular concoction drink (sounds better, and I really don't like concelebration anyway. My spiritual director used to say that every time 100 priests concelebrated, the Church was 99 Masses short . . . but I digress). For reasons that will become obvious, Reynaldo calls it "The Cardinal" at that exclusive bar in Rome:

Also for obvious reasons, I've renamed it:
1 oz Vodka (please, something decent)
1/2 oz Cointreau
2 oz Pomegranite liquor
1 oz Pomegranite juice
(reverse those last two if you are a Religious in solemn vows)
Shake with ice and pour into your favorite martini glass.
A lovely shade of the color your clerical hat would be
in a more perfect Church!

Speaking of Cocktails, morsels, there's something tasty for everyone in this video, however diverse your tastes:

But we really shouldn't make light of the Baltimore thing. At least it's not the priests rioting over the very small Small Appliance Bulb they got stuck with. Let's pray tonight goes more peacefully. My mom used to like this Oldie-But-Goodie back when our own city was in total turmoil one summer, and our pastor was out on the streets with the pastor and the black Oblate Sisters of Providence from the next parish over trying to keep the peace. The Bishop was on a vacation pilgrimage to Greece: another Small Appliance Bulb. The Vicar General drove from the Bishop's Mansion by the ocean down to our poor side of town in a huge black Lincoln Town Car. He pulled up to where the priests were standing and powered down a tinted window. He was so huge there was no space between the steering wheel and his stomach. He took up practically the whole front seat, which was upholstered like my Grandma's couch. The Vicar General had that funny purple thing under the "step" on his collar so everyone could tell he was a Monsignor, but with all the chins you could hardly see it. He shouted at the priests, "You boys need anything?" Our cool curate, who later married the 4th grade nun, shouted, "Yeah, Your Immenseness, we do! We need a new Bishop! Got one in the trunk?" The Monsignor scowled and powered the window back up. Then he hit the gas and screeched on out of the 'Hood. The Bishop visited our parish in the Fall for Confirmation. I was serving as well as getting Confirmed. "No new Bishop," he snarled at our curate in the sacristy, "but this place may need a new curate after I find out how little the the kids know." During his homily, he asked us to name the Four Marks of the Church, the Ten Commandments, the Seven Sacraments, the Seven Gifts and the Twelve Fruits of the Holy Ghost. At the reception afterward, I heard our curate ask one of the visiting priests, loud enough for the Bishop to hear, if he could name the 12 Fruits who worked at the Chancery Office. The visiting priest laughed and answered: "Only 12?" Even at 15 I knew what that meant! Later on I saw what it meant. But I digress . . . 

Thursday, April 23, 2015


From the Deeply Depressed and Perpetually Petulant Sad Sedevacantists of RETROrate comes this Bag o' Bitter Onions (TM) this AM:

After much consideration, I won’t attend March for Marriage this year. Will be there in spirit, but priority is dialogue w teachers in SF. 

Well, even I could have predicted that.

Hasn't DIALOGUE always been a priority for Sassy Sal?

Well, that and showers for the homeless.

But let's give the Archbishop's Tweet the WDTPRDAD breakdown to read what he's really saying.

After much consideration (a full page ad calling for the Pope to remove him from office and a bakers dozen of other PR gaffs in two and a half years.) I won't attend the March for Marriage this year. (Keeping his head down out of media sight, out of everyone's mind) Will be there in spirit (I still hate openly gay people but my cred is crap so my presence is of no benefit.... to ME)  but priority is dialog with teachers in SF (because the archdiocesan school system will be totally fucked come next September because they're all ready to mutiny and if THAT happens, the old man might really follow through with removing me.

What does the Archbishop of Sal Francisco (or any bishop for that matter) mean by dialogue?  Let's turn to our old friend Webster to get a solid understanding of the word.

What is the matter with you people anyway!?
This things I put up with for the amount you pay me! 

Okay.......There we go... this is better...

1.  conversation between two or more persons.
2.  an exchange of ideas or opinions on a particular issue, especially a political or religious      issue, with a view to reaching an amicable agreement or settlement.
3.  to carry on a dialogue; converse.
4.  to discuss areas of disagreement frankly in order to resolve them.

I can see the classrooms filling up now with San Francisco teachers in eager anticipation of the dialogue with Archbishop San Fran Sal.

This is the type of  obedience dialogue that Sal is expecting from the teachers of the archdiocese.

And speaking of priorities, there's one March Sal for sure won't miss . . . actually not a March. Technically it's a Parade.

And the float is all set to go! The attention to detail in the rendering of the images of the Pope and the Archbishop of Sal Francisco are amazingly accurate! Someone was paying attention in Sister Mary Leonardo's art class.

If the Pope doesn't feel qualified TO JUDGE,
I'm more than ready to step in and help out.
They said it was raining men so I came prepared.