Monday, November 9, 2015

"Of All The Churches In The City And The World, The Mother And Head"

I know, my church it doesn't look like all that much.

But you'd be surprised how often people use the word "Mother" and "Head" around me now and then right here.

Of course, they usually pronounce those "Mutha" and "Shithead," if you get my drift. But I digress.

At least it's near the beach and not freezing like way up north! So we were able to take the Sisters out just last weekend both for formal times with their school kids

And some "loosen that wimple" time too!

So that's our fun life and lovely church, and I've seen it fill it up weekends with many more souls than some of our local parishes.

And since most clergy around here no longer live in rectories but their private homes, guess who gets to rush off at top speed on emergency sick calls and even non emergency stuck-at-home-old-and-sick-and-nearly-dead anointings?
That's right. Me! The one who doesn't have the money to own a private home or the cash to go out to eat every meal or even think of going to crazy Old Mass conferences run by Bag o Bitter Onions or buy the crap Father Zildo's pushing, if you get my drift.

Meanwhile. Instead.
Today we gladly celebrate the real Mother and Head of all the churches all around the whole wide world!

Today's the Feast of the Dedication of the Basilica of Saint John Lateran in Rome. What a church! What a sanctuary!
Especially compared to mine.
But we sang the same special song they sing today at Vigils. And don't think singing at 3:00 A.M. is easy, especially without Reynaldo around any more! 

Blessed city, heavenly Salem,
vision dear of peace and love,
who of living stones art builded
in the height of heaven above,
and, with angel hosts encircled,
as a bride dost earthward move;

from celestial realms descending,
bridal glory round thee shed,
meet for him whose love espoused thee,
to thy Lord shalt thou be led;
all thy streets and all thy bulwarks
of pure gold are fashioned.

Bright thy gates of pearl are shining;
they are open evermore;
and by virtue of his merits
thither faithful souls do soar,
who for Christ's dear Name in this world
pain and tribulation bore.

Many a blow and biting sculpture
polished well those stones elect,
in their places now compacted
by the heavenly Architect,
who therewith hath willed for ever
that his palace should be decked.

Laud and honor to the Father,
laud and honor to the Son,
laud and honor to the Spirit,
ever Three, and ever One,
consubstantial, coeternal,
while unending ages run.

And when the cock crowed and dawn broke, we sang the other verses from the same hymn! Not that awful hymn from when they made us start singing in English at Novitiate, "The sun doth bid us all arise, The happy cock doth move our eyes." Brother Robin got in trouble for drawing pictures to go with that. But I digress. Instead this official hymn. Beautiful!

Christ is made the sure Foundation,
Christ the Head and Cornerstone;
Chosen of the Lord, and precious,
Binding all the Church in one,
Holy Zion’s Help forever,
And her Confidence alone.

All that dedicated city,
Dearly loved of God on high,
In exultant jubilation,
Pours perpetual melody,
God the One in Three adoring
In glad hymns eternally.

To this temple, where we call Thee,
Come, O Lord of Hosts, today;
With Thy wonted lovingkindness
Hear Thy servants as they pray.
And Thy fullest benediction
Shed within its walls alway.

Here vouchsafe to all Thy servants
What they ask of Thee to gain;
What they gain from Thee forever
With the bless├Ęd to retain,
And hereafter in Thy glory
Evermore with Thee to reign.

Laud and honor to the Father,
Laud and honor to the Son,
Laud and honor to the Spirit,
Ever Three and ever One;
Consubstantial, co-eternal,
While unending ages run.

So wherever  you are today, all over the world, and however small and ugly your chapel or church is, take a moment like I'm doing here, to remember the Cathedral in Rome and its present Bishop, our Papa so hated by all the blogging assholes, mostly from the USA and ex Anglicans from here and the UK, who really don't seem to belong to our Church at all. We who still do should all thank Christ they're all moving to Econe!

Enjoy the ancient chant sung in English by some really nice folks with great voices.

Here's the hymn sung in real Gregorian Chant and Latin!

But you'll really enjoy these pictures from my own Novitiate. That's our Novice Master on the left and me on the right (I can't believe how serious I looked in my youth! Though charming, I must say).
Compared to now. Hey life takes its toll. If you get my drift. At least I can still read.

Here's my old beloved classmate, who's now my Bishop, Vladyka Eureka of Topeka, Faith's Seeker and Speaker!

This was our Abbot then. No funny business. If you get my drift.
Later he went to the missions, God bless him, and things didn't work out all so well. RIP. That's him on the far left (in more ways than one. Trying to get him to wear his habit down there looks like it was pretty impossible. I know how people "evolve" in the monastic life. But I digress).
Anyhow, when he was Abbot, we're all singing the hymn in Latin starting around 4:15 in this video. 
Sadly, after Vespers, we almost always had some behavioral problems. Those of you who made monastery novitiates probably know what I mean . . . if you get my drift. Not that tap dancing in Rome or falling into the Craytin' Institute would make you any saner. But I digress.

Meanwhile, happy feast day, Cathedral in Rome, Papa Francesco, and all of you happy to be in Jesus' house with him. Instead of in the outhouse with all these assholes! If you get my drift.

God all-holy,
in every place on earth
you gather your people
into your presence
to proclaim the wonders of your love.
As we celebrate the dedication
of the cathedral church of Rome,
deepen our unity
with your faithful
throughout the world
and build us up
into a house of prayer
for all nations.
We ask this
through our Lord Jesus Christ, 
your Son,
who lives and reigns with you
in the unity of the Holy Spirit,
God for ever and ever.

Response to "Anonymous" of November 9 at 1:31 P.M.
Hey Dipple,
WHIPPLE is probably what you do to your FRIPPLE each night after Compline. Or is it your NIPPLE?

My surplice is by WIPPELL.

Because you're right. I'm not "a long haired filthy Byzantine monkish type with a rat infested beard." I'm "a classical Anglican," and all the shit that goes along with that. If you get my drift.

Here I am resting in between shots of cream sherry.
And later on in my WIPPELL, showing Reynaldo where to dump the latest mail from the Diocese.

Response to "Staten Pilgrim" of November 9 at 3:21 P.M.
Salve, Staten Pilgrim!
Clearly your participation in traditionalist Catholic devotions and abrogated Masses have borne abundant fruit most likely far larger than your breasts and buttocks (not to mention your brain). So you guess that I'm "an old queer priest who's retired to Florida to bitch" and who has "perverse inclinations"? Well, let me repay you with Pope Francis-Cardinal Kasper recommended "mercy" by praising your previously unknown blog: STATEN ISLAND CATHOLIC. For those of you who may guess that he's a queer old douche-bag who's stuck on Staten Island to bitch and who has his own perverse inclinations, let me give you his own self-definition: "I AM A CATHOLIC WHO IS CONCERNED ABOUT THE STATE OF THE CHURCH AND WOULD LIKE TO RELATE MY EXPERIENCES AS SEEN FROM MY LOCAL PEW IN STATEN ISLAND, NY." Right up down there in the shit holes with "MundyBore", who in between his Sodom Posts does really great stuff like today's "The Collapse Of Sound Thinking And The Rise Of The Functional Retard". And with that other QODB "My Crushed Boner Still Thrills" whose interesting post today is "A Pope Francis Insult Generator." Imagining the Crushed Boner "generating" any time and in any way is for a bleaker day.

Anyhow, here's how I really did end up in Florida. My Dad was the unforgettable Lincoln Vail, and we sing his song at the beginning of every November liturgy as our version of Memory Eternal for Dad. You should see me incense the iconostasis while the choir does the "Movin' Ever Movin'" You'd weep like those who fill the chapel do! OK that's it. Now I'm all verklempt! Here's Dad's pic and chant:


  1. Hi Fr D. Great to see you alive and blogging again! Just next time don't forget the Katholic Krazies in my motherland of Canada. Hmmm .... So your chapel is Byzantine eh? Are you also revealing you are a Byzantine rite priest?

    Oh, Happy St John Lateran Day too.

  2. Say it ain't so! All the time I've been thinking that Fr D was a classical Anglican. I pictured him in a long Whippel surplice.

    Certainly not a long haired filthy Byzantine monkish type with a rat infested beard!

  3. Judging from your writings, I'd guess you're an old queer priest who's retired to Florida to bitch about real Catholics and the true Faith that condemns your perverse inclinations. Hater.

    1. Staten Pilgrim?!!! Hahaha! Thank Christ your pilgrimage landed you on Staten Island! Makes the mainland that much physically cleaner and mentally shithead free. Love how you, an obvious bloviating hater define others as haters. Pope Francis described you judgemental bastards real well during his homily the other day: "The attitudes of scribes and Pharisees .... exclude. They say, 'We are perfect, we follow the law. These people are sinners."

      Stay on Staten Island, you unreal Catholic and typical rightwing arrogant judge. Or better still: head to Econe with the other REAL fruitcakes.

    2. No need to hang around here, Staten. Take the ferry to the city next time Zildo visits and meet him at Pastrami Queen or Veselka for lunch. No hate there - pure love. It's heaven!

  4. Oh, would you believe it was that nun on the surfboard who confused my spelling? Haven't I seen other images of her swinging a massive WHip?

    Sorry for the confusion!


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  6. Alert... Zuhlsdorf had an attack of flatulent vapors over a sign on a church marquee saying that Jesus had two dads and turned out fine...

    If only a church superior would come down on Z with the same speed that the sign was removed.

    Hey Zuhlsdorf, I do have a question... As a subdeacon what are your duties aside from pounding farts out of the bishop's seat cushion?

  7. To say nothing of another Action Alert: Brassy Lard Ass is now doing yet another brick-by-brick monetary extraction job on his self-loathing oppressed minions. He's doing the big-noter job for his 'priest friend' (aren't they all?) Adolph Hellperson's hot bed of Temple worship. The altar rails are naked.
    The drive is to procure the finest linen rail covers, hand woven under water by virgins in Equador.
    There's no stopping a good sine-cure Entrepreneur in search of incardination in these USA.


    ah - a concern troll. there were alot of them in 2013 - "i am concerned for this Pope. I am praying for him because I am so superior in my understanding ..."

    1. This jerk admits to being from Staten Island... The Borough NYC gave up in place of Hoboken.


    Friar Buck needs YOUR HELP i.e. MONEY!
    Hustling! Hustling! Hustling cloths MUST BE INSTALLED!
    But don't give him a history of communion rail hustling! REER!
    He needs PRACTICAL $OLUTION$ to this urgent question: How in God's Name(!) do we DO THE HUSTLE at the communion rail???
    NACers, take a break from the cause for canonization of the Blessed Bojangles and GET TO IT!

  10. is that rowan atkinson?