Thursday, September 17, 2015

PAPAL VISIT SHOCKER: POPE FRANCIS REJECTS MISSALE MORONICUM!

Emeritus Papa Ratzi and Careerist Bishop-Archbishop-I-Wanna-Be-A-Cardinal-So-Who-What-Do-I-Have-To-Kiss Arthur Cockroach looking at the bound-in-dead-white-animal-skin £1500 Missale Moronicum. Papa Ratzi looks confused. Because not long before Vox Clara gave Papa another one but forgot to invite the Cockroach to lunch!

With Pope Francis' visit to the USA still a week away, let me tell you, those friends who like to keep Old Demented Father D in the "Church-gossip-loop" have been bombarding me with emails. Rome. Washington. Philadelphia. Argentina. The UK. West Hollywood. Madison. People everywhere read my humble musings. And send me juicy things to throw into the blender (besides the booze in the blender that daily will render the frozen concoction that helps me hang on. But I digress . . . )

So I heard a long time ago people were telling Papa Francesco just how much they didn't like the old-sounding-but-new version of The Roman Missal. Some call it The Moron-Missal because it's mostly the work of a Monsignor whose name includes Moron in it. And who loved Papa Ratzi! So much he could just eat him kiss him!

Like Frank Sinatra who left the movies to become a priest . . .  remember . . . 
And Father Sinatra always said the Breviary. See it there? Benziger, I think. Not the new Liturgy of the Hours in English for Father Frank!

. . . this Monsignor with Moron in his name also gave up the movies to become a priest. This was probably his most famous PR photo and emphasizes his favorite thing to do next to making the Mass sound old:

But this was his most famous movie PR photo:
And you really need to see the future-Monsignor in the flick. It shows him taking part in the liturgy with all the reverence and devotion he talks about in later movies he made after being made a Monsignor. Friends Anonymous sources sent me some to share with you and you'll see them below. But this was Monsignor in the good old days:

So he was in charge of a gang called Vox Obscura, whose job was to produce a Missal translation that included enough graciously deign vouchsafe conciliation consume resume presume mysterious delerious glorious spurious to feel like you're still at the old Mass only in old-fashioned English. It was all done in secret so no one could say how bad the stuff they produced sucked until it got officially approved, they all got rewarded, and everyone had to use the old-sounding new stuff no matter how bad everyone thought it sucked. 
Vox Obscura. What a gang! Look at Father "Psych" Ward! Archbishop Out-of-New-Orleans-with-my-Pallium-at-Katrina's-first-Raindrop, Monsignor Dom DeLuise, Archbishop Artie Cockroach, Cardinal Boy George in a papal white shirt, Abbot Cuthroat from Queer Abbey. Lots of other modern day Apostles who wouldn't remind anyone of Pope Francis. Amazing! Look at all that water! Bathroom upstairs!
Some people really liked the stuff everyone else though sucked:

1) Liturgical book publishers. Buy the new stuff, baby! Pay big Bucks or heavy Pounds or expensive Euros and shut up! And Monsignor has a publishing deal with a weird company called The Mideast Theological Foreplay. Cutbacks and royalties, rock! Read how Monsignor remembers his first daily Missal in third grade. And dressing up like his third grade teacher, Sister M. Latinitas. Just kidding. But can't you imagine what scout camp would have been like if he and Father Zuhlsdorf had been in the same pack!
2) Everyone who likes the Old Mass in Latin not the New Mass in Old English. Like Professor Peter Krapnewski and the bow-tied dudes and cassock-bound clerics of The New Liturgical Bowel Movement, making all kinds of money on stuff none of them ever use. Here they are at this summer's Latin Liturgical Institute Closing Mass.
3) Musicians who hate the new text but needed to make money so they wrote new Masses to fit the new words that don't fit into normal English. Here's what they think Mass should look like every Sunday:

But I digress . . . 

Like I said, some call the new old sounding Missal The Moron-Missal of Monsignor's name

But I guess the official Latin title is the Missale Moronicum.

And I guess the emails were right because the Vatican just released Papa Francesco's Travel Missal for the trip to the US and Cuba.

There's hardly any English in it!



Lots of Spanish and Latin.

Take a look right here: CUBA-USA PAPAL MISSAL



In fact, the Eucharistic Prayers are all in Spanish and Latin.

I guess Papa Francesco thought the new-old English of the Missale Moronicum sucked.

Papa Francesco's "hermeneutic of continuity" - since his Predecessors, all the way back to Saint Peter, refused to use the Missale Moronicum too!


I think it's time Papa Francesco's liturgy team went to the Monsignor and learned all about the new old-sounding Missale Moronicum!


Missale Moronicum Video 1:
Recalling fun at the Pontifical North American Dance Academy, where "everybody calls me 'Monsignor'! (Or else)" My friends told me there were ten takes on this one because of his trouble genuflecting at the beginning. You'll learn about how to reject the secular culture from the feminine "liturgy herself." Sounds like something Papa Francesco would laugh at. Before turning off.

Missale Moronicum Video 2:
Enjoy the Eucharistic Prayer you've probably never heard before in new old-fashioned English! Guess who the Bishop is! Hint: Drink Sprite next time you're out all night. That's the precious, venerable thing to do. If you get my drift.

Missale Moronicum Video 3:
Since our little string of magical mission stops and stipend scooping is under Vladyka Eureka of Topeka, we still get to use the old Memorial Acclamation that everyone remembers: Christ has died, Christ is risen, Christ will come again. But that turned out to be heresy, I guess, although Christ did do one of them, is alive because of the other one, and is planning on doing the final one, right? Who knows? I can't follow it all. So here's the info. Did you know that the words of the Missale Moronicum are "the eternal words of the new Missal"? Imagine Papa Francesco's reaction to that line. Nice shot of Monsignor in his please-will-you-finally-give-me-a-pointed-hat-somewhere-anywhere outfit:

Missale Moronicum Video #4
NO WAY!
Reynaldo Attempted Spoof!
OK here's what happened. So Reynaldo sent me these video links from Rome because ALL THE SEMINARIANS at the You-Know-Which Academy LOVE them. And he sent me other videos on TYPES OF BOWS (profound, shoulder, head) and TYPES OF INCENSATIONS (single, double, triple swings and an Ambrosian Super-Circles thing that was WOW!). So he sent me this one: TYPES OF KISSES. Which I thought: WTF? You kiss the altar and the Gospel book, right? Oh and the Kiss of Peace which isn't a kiss. But I played it. Here it is to make you laugh. Nice one, Reynnie Boy! Disgusting. I thought life was much more serious at that place.
Anyhow. So there ya go. Not much Missale Moronicum English next week when Papa Francesco comes calling. All those rumors were right.

Enough of those study videos. Speaking of Papa Francesco, here's the trailer from a new movie about him made in South America.

And finally, here's a really good and informative video of Raymond Cardinal Burke, the future (or is it present?) anti-Pope Pius XIII, giving instructions in proper liturgical English.

61 comments:

  1. Wow -- Google loves Father D! This column came up #3 when I searched for the real Msgr. Moron.

    On a serious and sad note, number me among the laity who has been unable to connect with or really pray at a mass since the Advent advent of the Missale Moronicum, and I'm not kidding. Not. One. Mass. The convoluted language of the elocution safari are way too much for my old, feeble brain to process. Dammit!

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    1. I came up with this link.

      http://liturgiamauthenticunt.blogspot.com

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  2. "the booze in the blender
    that daily will render
    the frozen concoction
    that helps me hang on"

    lovely!

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  3. Hmm.. Perhaps the English in the new translation is quite difficult for someone like Pope Francis who only has a basic grasp on the language.

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    1. Monsignor MORONey "only has a basic grasp on (sic) the language."

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  4. And the moron has been hired as the only worthy liturgical consultant in the Northeast to oversee construction of a new church in +East Coast Sal's diocese, a parish aptly named Pius X.

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    1. In Fatso the dead cousin's name was Sal. He was way fatter than +Sal but can you imagine how many priests not to mention laity would be glad to see Mini Skinny + Sal in a box like Fat Sal in Fatso? Mama Mia!

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    2. Regarding Sal....where do you think the custom of placing the pin cushion near the casket came from.....give him a good jab and make sure he's dead.

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    3. Janet -- Some might wonder if a good prick would have little effect even now. Speaking of pricks, do you think he and his fluffer Danielle will be buried together?

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  5. The forehead kiss was the best. Cute. I can picture seminarians doing that.

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    1. When that nut who runs Silverstream Abbey in Ireland had the first of his 20 new religious orders, after the Salve Regina at nice, he'd kiss all his monks on the top of the head. Ewwwwww. Maybe Janet remembers.

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    2. No wonder the Seminarians are surging.

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  6. Isn't there a Moron Missal video on what to do with your hands? I mean besides jam mountains of expensive food into that enormous mouth?

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    1. Honey....now,now,now! You need to check out the student handbook from the illustrious (drum roll please........) St. John's Seminary in beautiful Brighton. Msgr Dom DeLuise runs the house. The handbook dictates every conceivable aspect of seminary life to the student body, such as..how much food to place in your mouth at once, how much food to place upon your plate and the Susie Home maker section of the proper use of Woolite for colors to keep those black shirts looking crisp.

      http://www.sjsboston.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/Saint-John-Seminary-Way-of-Life2.pdf

      Page 60 and following....and woo to you with long fingernails!

      You really can't make this shit up.

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    2. "Watch hair growing out of your ears and nostrils" - Hahahahahahaha

      "Don't put too much food in your mouth or you'll look like a glutton." They should have put a picture of the Rectum right under that rule!

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    3. Thank you Janet!
      Holy moly ...

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    4. + Piggy Banks, J.C.D., D.D., B.F.D.September 19, 2015 at 10:11 AM

      Janet dear,
      A big improvement under the Monsignor with Moron in his name is that hair growing from your ears and nostrils must now be braided and tied with ribbons of the appropriate liturgical color.
      +P.B.

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    5. Like the plastic tops of the maniple pins!

      Now we're back into the real links between clerical elitism and liturgical beauty!

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    6. "Certain forms of recreation and establishments associated with dating, such as singles’ bars must not be part of the entertainment life of the seminarian aspiring to celibate priesthood."

      Readerette has no trouble identifying, among the many watering holes of Boston, those that are for people not wishing to remain celibate, if masturbation isn't celibacy. (Readerette isn't sure about the definitions of celibacy versus continence, and at any rate she personally shudders at the mention of aspiration to this practice, but she respects one's right of individual agency over one's body and sexuality.)The Glass Slipper and Centerfolds are two such public houses which come to mind.

      Readerette is also aware of the anomalous Boston establishments, such as Dorchester's Eire Pub, which for historical reasons continue to describe themselves in signage as a "Men's Bar" even though they welcome patrons of all genders and even though the immoral entertainment undertaken therein merely tends to mild inebriation and loudly voiced support for Tom Brady.

      Yet though Readerette lives a mere three miles from St John's Seminary (or a whole universe away, if we'd like better accuracy than a Google map) she can not, for the life of her, think of a bar which is for the entertainment solely or even primarily of "singles." Indeed, all the licenced premises named above outwardly appear to her to cater primarily to married gentleman. What is a singles bar? How would one distinguish such a place from a "bar" if one had to?.What's so awful about a man of legal age having a mixed drink or two in mixed company as a part of his mix of entertainment when he knows he'll return home to his narrow bed alone and looks forward to the prospect?

      I ask, because surely you want priests who make responsible choices for their recreation which are in common with the vast majority of their peers? Surely you would like them to continue healthy relationships with friends whose vocational paths are not priesthood?

      Or maybe it really is about assembling replicas of the Vatican made of $50,000 worth of Lego alone in your bedroom. Celibacy must drive red-blooded men to odd leisure time activities.


      That Handbook is an extraordinary document of manual stimulation, Janet Darcy. Readerette is blowed at its attentiveness to minutiae and duration of its ululations. She looks forward to caressing its virtual pages further.

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  7. In other clerical gossip, Zippo the Grifter may be on his way out of Madison.

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    1. Is this the bad news that he is crying about in his latest post? I feel guilty rejoicing in other people's misfortune, but he is such a homophobic, miserable person, it is difficult to do otherwise.

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    2. I don't normally celebrate someone else's misery either but Z is such a miserable specimen I can't resist.

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    3. Details are needed, please.

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    4. My wandering mind is taking me to strange speculation. Santorum, Fiorina, a goat and Zuhlsdorf...

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  8. What with all his encouragement to the Surging Seminarians, equipping some of them with weird three cornered black head pieces and getting them squared away with the Tridentine line-dance training, Lacy Boy would be overjoyed at having a placement in a real pastoral situation back on the Mission in Villetri-Segni.
    Europe at his pudgy pinkies to say nothing about the Augustinum just a train ride away.

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    1. He needs to be reincardinated in the Diocese of Flagrante-Dilecto

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    2. The whimpering camp-follower laments:

      jlmorrell says:

      19 September 2015 at 8:55 PM

      "Voris and CMTV have taken a sad and disappointing turn these past 2 years. Such a loss for the counter-revolution. I have also canceled my premium membership and have no interest in continuing to follow their programs."

      Lacy Boy's cautionary tale and moralistic bleat:

      [This is one of the reasons why we will never unite and accomplish goals, whereas libs set aside small differences and… take over. We need to draw together! Leave aside small differences.]

      (ie, send me more money!)

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    3. That's ridiculous, of course. A group of three liberals will produce five ardent opinions on any give topic.

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  9. That fuckwit Arthur CockRoache is a plagiarist too. His Christmas sermon one year was Another UK Hierarch's word-for-word. Lied to Benedict about how everyone loved the turgid Missal translation. Fired Canon Alan Griffiths and Fr Anthony Ruff for telling the truth publicly about Vox Clara violating Liturgiam authenticam to keep Pell the Swell happy. Moroney changed the literal translation of Eucharistic Prayer II from stand in your presence to be in your presence because Pell didn't want people using the literal translation to justify not kneeling after the Consecration. He thought Pell would be running Congregation of Bishops and give him a mitre. Nothing but bubble and squeak for all that arse kissing.

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  10. Stop teasing us about Zildo! We need more info about his 'bad news'! (presuming it's about his clerical position)

    WHAT? WHEN? WHERE? WHY?

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    1. The Brass Ass is into strategic denial as he assures the fractious camp followers that there is nothing new to report just that he is about to whip out the 'rig' referring, presumably, to his multi $K Bacon and Eggs radio kit but God knows what the 'rig' really is.
      For sure too, he's about to land another 'lean day' guilt trip on the subscribers. The 23rd of the month is getting closer.

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    2. Father D's exclusive select super secret secure sources (EWTN and Vatican Radio) have not revealed any information thus far. Though we certainly welcome our Madison readers to whisper in our ears here in the comments or via email.

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  11. ZILDO'S HATE GROWS STRONGER!

    The sneering glutton now approvingly posts excerpts from a piece titled 'Pope Francis: Menace or Farce'?
    He then adds: 'While this piece also indicts the Pope’s handlers, the bucks land on the Pontiff’s desk.'

    Zildo: MENACE OR FARCE?

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    1. Zildo: Menace at the buffet, farce at life.

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    2. To say nothing of the oldest ploy in the coward's handbook: contempt and vilification by proxy, aka George Will's infantile stray at Pope Francis.

      Brass Ass thinks his detritus doesn't stink!

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    3. Yes, "The moderation queue is definitely ON" ... apparently that means that Fr. Greedygutzzz enthusiastically waves through comments that trash Pope Francis.

      Auntie notes, however, that the mendicant priest has already raked in almost $3000 for September. He is laughing all the way to the bank.

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    4. Like him or not, George Will is an accredited journalist and a recognized political commentator. Paul Gosar is within his rights if he wishes to boycott the Pope's address to Congress. Brian Kilmeade has excercised his own freedom of speech.... If we think about these three, we see one thing in common, all gain their support independently (well, maybe not the Congressmember) but that's a topic for a rant in a different forum than here.

      Zuhlsdorf, on the other hand is an UNDERLING. Where is his own personal discipline in moderating himself while speaking against the Pope and next where is the Church's discipline in managing a loose cannon the likes of Zuhlsdorf? A notorious comparison would be John Corapi who got his wings clipped by higher authorities pretty much at the onset of his bad behavior?

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  12. MARK THOMAS ALERT:
    The former frequent flyer on this blog has now infested the Toxic Weed, the Polished Turd, the Eponymous One and he's driving the Krazies as mad as ticks.
    Why pay all that dough so much for entertainment when you can have it for free!

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    1. e.g.: "Have we all noticed we have in Mark Thomas a serpent in our midst?"

      yes he's doing them right.

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    2. Epididymis Flower will give M.T. the boot this week.

      His next stop will be the Bone Crusher or Psycho-Mundy ( who is still fapping it twice daily, when he re-reads "The Bride of Christ is being Raped")
      Nothing like a little sexual violence to put someone in a prayerful mood.

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  13. Zzzzz is off on another vacation.. The lazy bastard. What a life these priests live, such hardship, such dedication. NOT. Thank God vocations are declining. We don't need more like him.

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    1. He made a point of saying it was a vacation, an adventure and not a conference or some other thing like that.

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    2. Dan, dear...please do not confuse Zickhead with the thousands of really good and genuine priests who serve Jesus in the Gospel, and us. There is no basis of equation except possibly the title they share. Thanks.

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  14. Okay, I think I know the eponymous one, but WTF are the Toxic Weed and The Polished Turd?

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    1. Is Toxic Weed that alcoholic Pope Francis hating bishop who has the gay puppy dog? I can't keep this stuff straight. So to speak.

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    2. The Krazies are going Ape at all the above trying to figure out what direction friend M Thomas is coming from.
      One shrieking Harpie is calling on the Turd's chief polisher to do an audit of IPS codes to unmask the proelix one.

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    3. It's hysteria at the Turd Flower over Mark Thomas. He's finally in the right place. He's defending Pope Francis among the wolves, trying to "convert" them. A losing battle for sure. I feel sorry for him. Those "trads" are vicious.

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    4. Yeah, strangely I feel sympathetic towards Mark T myself.

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  15. Zildo gushes about the hardware:

    747-400 today
    The paint scheme (from his photo) is for a Delta Airlines 747-400 as seen here:
    http://l1011.homestead.com/744banner.jpg
    and here: http://www.delta.com/content/www/en_US/traveling-with-us/airports-and-aircraft/Aircraft/boeing-747-400-744.html

    AND...
    Delta operates only thirteen 747-400s and here are their routes:
    http://www.gcmap.com/featured/20141222

    Minneapolis to MANILLA

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    1. oops, I meant Detroit to MANILLA - that explains his layover.

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    2. He could also be heading to Tokyo and from there who knows. He has often mentioned his desire to have a patron pay for a trip to Hong Kong, if I recall.

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    3. The "Lean Day" bleat will go out anytime now. Those 'Hello Joe" bars in Manila will probably prove a test for the Lard shelling out the hard earned $$ss of the Supine Ones.

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    4. Perhaps scooting off to Thailand for a little....(cough-cough)...R&R ?????

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    5. I think, on reflection, that WWZD's hunch is right. Lacy Boy might be checking out the Surging Sumos and the Nippon Chapter of the 1570 Kamikaze Katholic Krazies.

      Delta flies on to Manila from Tokyo so no doubt the grand circle will include some serious dedicated time to talking 'tough identity Catholicism' with young Pinoy priests and seminarians.

      He might even drop by Leyte Gulf and do a waddle ashore to mime the fulfilment of Gen McArthur's 'I shall return' promise, after all, Brass Ass has the camouflaged duds and other fraudulent military trinkets.

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    6. Among the Kindle-only amateur trash novels Arse-nik and Old Lace flashes is something titled 'Shinja' (or Shinjo) which is a Japanese word for believer or adherent and historically used to describe Japanese Christians.
      http://wdtprs.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/IMG_9361.jpg

      Strangely, he posts photos of airports regularly yet rarely says where he's going. Sure, it's his private time but why tease his readership? Does his frequent flyer status make him feel important?

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    7. I think Lacy Boy's secrecy carry-on is a game he plays with the grovelling peasants who heavily fund his 'This-one-one-on-me-My-view-for-a-while' expensive junkets like the present Saki and blowfish self-indulgence.

      It's all part of the staggeringly over inflated sense of clerical entitlement he covets and preserves. Even his blatantly intensive entrepreneurial activity like the Amazon-with-commission book fair he's running now is heavily tarted up to look like a crusade in the cause of doctrinal integrity and tough love. He's blowing the bugle for the Africans who will 'save the Church' but I don't think that the pretentious fraud would even piss on an African if he was on fire.

      I just hope that ultimately his 'bad' news will come as the result of a 'light bulb' moment for Morlino and a note from the Nuncio. Maybe there is a bit of a vacuum cleaner operation going on now in US dioceses to coincide with the visit of Pope Francis. The fancy footwork in Lincoln NE over the clerical CSA audit is a sight to behold.

      Just imagine what kind of a headache it would be for the Ordinary of Villetri-Segni if he discovered that the clericus vagrans was on his way back!

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    8. Yes, air travel for meetings and conferences can be tedious, but all his airplane posts just drip with self-importance and contempt. This latest one is a new low.

      It seems more pleasant to sit next to some queeny guy saying “with strong sibilants and up-talk” [note Z’s lovingly detailed observation] that “OMG I never wear white on airplanes anymore” than to sit next to a fat angry cleric in paramilitary gear.

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  16. Isn't it strange that Zilch is out of the country during Francis' visit? Do you think he would be out of the country if B16 was still pope and visiting the US?

    Ah, the Lincoln Diocese.... The Land Time Forgot!

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  17. You have no respect for a priest who has dedicated his life to the church. You should be ashamed of yourself saying the things you do!!! He's a very holy man, more holier than you'd ever be. Hope you rot in hell for your comments about Monsignor Moroney!!

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