Saturday, July 18, 2015


You know, with all these lentils to cook, goats to feed, toilets to scrub - ALONE - and stipends to collect mission stations to visit, I don't get to follow the Catholic press as much as I'd like to for shits and giggles and clerical gossip educational purposes and vital information.

But I check the Vatican's daily Bolletino, most of all to see if my Bishop has finally been sacked been rewarded for his absolute incompetence lengthy pastoral service.

Imagine my shock today!

I wanted to get the color right! and the headlines big!

Cuz this is huge!

Cipolla - BISHOP OF PADUA Italy!!!!!!!

Absolutely nothing on the story over at RETRO-Rantin'-'N-Ravin'!

Cipolla's a married ex-Episcopalian (well, sort of . . . to both). Just shows you how untraditional Pope Francis really is.

And to Italy? Must be because his middle name, as he likes to remind us, is Gennaro. Makes you wonder how he ended up as an Episcopalian in the first place.

So Father Cipolla has written an awesome letter to the people of Padua who must have said in Italian, "Who the hella is-a dis-a dude?"

Here's his letter (it doesn't sound anything like the boring sermons Bitter Bag o' Onions posts on RETRO!):

The Holy Father Francis, as always, unexpectedly, unpredictably, has chosen to send me to you as your bishop. I think he has kept to his inclination to choose "the last and least." I come among you with the awareness of not being up to the episcopal ministry or to a diocese as large and beautiful as Padua. I hope this human feeling of worry, which I imagine you will understand, can be transformed into Christian humility, and into an invocation of support and assistance addressed to God and to each one of you.

Let us listen together to the Gospel and to the poor, and mutually help them with generosity; together let us serve the people living next to us, often broken and weary; let us cooperate honestly with the social and civil institutions and with all men and women who seek the good, friendship, justice and peace. Together: let us walk together!

It will be my responsibility as bishop to be attentive to those who are the weakest and not to forget the last and least, as Jesus teaches us in the Gospel and as Pope Francis witnesses to us. An embrace sincere, affectionate, and full of hope to all pastors and priests and deacons of the diocese: above all I want to live among them because I know well the beauty of the pastoral vocation, but I also know the hardships of everyday life. I hope I can support our seminary, with true fatherly dedication.

Dear sisters and brothers in the priesthood of all the baptized, I promise to be among you as one who encourages, who rises up, who leads to Jesus. And this will be my episcopal motto: "Courage, Arise, He Is Calling You." It is the mercy of Jesus who can perceive the cries of the poor. I see myself as being at your side, as disciples who are tasked to bring the mercy of Jesus to the blind, who sit along the street begging and to carry them, like Bartimaeus, to the liberating encounter with Jesus."


Reminds me of the talk Pope Francis gave to priests, deacons, religious men and women, and seminarians in South America last week.

But just doesn't sound like RETRO's and Cagey-Uh-Know-Nuttin's Cipolla . . . 

Oh wait a minute . . . 

Il Papa ha nominato Vescovo della diocesi di Padova (Italia) il Mons. Claudio Cipolla, del clero della diocesi di Mantova, finora Parroco della parrocchia di “Sant’Antonio” di Porto Mantovano e Vicario episcopale per la Pastorale.

No collar.

No cassock from Gammarelli with 87 buttons down the front and a tit-warmer attached.

No facial hair.

No lace.

No vestments made out of upholstery from the sofa in his Nonna's living room.

No "wife".

No Latin Mass I bet ya.

Different Cipolla!

Padua lucks out!

Hey in honor of the Pope's upcoming trip to Philadelphia, site of the World Family thing, let's do their Archbishop's name - Let's try CHUCKIE!

BANNA-PANNA-FO . . . . oh, never mind.


  1. Retiring Bishop Mattiazzo served for 26 years in Padua. He is preparing to spend his retirement as a simple missionary in Ethiopia. Some new services report that Bishop of Trieste, Giampaolo Crepaldi, refused the call to Padua and it seemed very likely that the next choice was Carlo Roberto Maria Radaelli, bishop of Gorizia. But no! Bergoglio wanted a simple parish priest at the helm of the church in Padua. Looks like he got his way! So, there will be "Onions" in Padua just not "Bitter Onions"!

    1. "Some new services report that Bishop of Trieste, Giampaolo Crepaldi, refused the call"

      You can do that?

  2. Anyone in his right mind would refuse the call and according to many reports a majority does. Guess that leaves the pathetic bunch we have here in the U.S. Bishop Onions sounds like someone made it through with genuine humility, no ass kissing, no climbing the crozier, no pastoral incompetence or inexperience, no apparent psychological debilitation, and no sense of entitlement. Yes, Virginia, there is a Holy Spirit -- just seems to have been on vacation in recent years in these United States.

    1. What? All those wonderful Truman Cardinal Capote-Burke appointments weren't truly Spirit-inspired? Connie Sample and her gloves? Magna Cappa Slattery and his bugia? Sal West, Sal East, the African Queen in Chicago, etc etc etc? Abundance overflows!

    2. That's Kimbie, at least according to an old classmate it was. Same classmate says he hasn't attended any class gatherings since getting his pointy hat.

    3. I don't know Slattery, but I found his cappa magna

  3. I found this on the 9 July 2010 edition of the National Catholic Reporter in reference to the Cappa Magna worn by Bishop Slattery at the Shrine of the Immaculate Conception in Washington, D.C. before celebrating the Tridentine Mass. It brought tears to my eyes:

    The cappa magna does indeed represent the finery of the world, its power and prestige. That is why after his entrance wearing it, the prelate is publicly stripped of this finery and humbled before the congregation. Then, vestment by vestment, the bishop is clothed in the new man of which St. Paul speaks, including the baptismal alb, the dalmatic of charity, the stole of pardon and the chasuble of mercy. When finally clothed in Christ, the prelate makes a second entrance into the church to begin the eucharistic celebration in persona Christi, the visible head of the body, the church.

    It was a clear statement that the power and prestige of the world have no place at the altar, but it is expressed in a liturgical ritual or symbol, which, unfortunately, are often lacking in the contemporary rites and thus hard to grasp.

    I'm still teary-eyed.

    1. Sounds like you're shit-faced.

    2. ^^^^sounds like ur a shithead

    3. ^^^^ I see the TLM is doing you so much spiritual good.

    4. I love wearing Armani suits because they represent the finery of the world. At the end of the day I can take them off and put on my sweats in imitation of Jesus' humility in persona Christi finally clothed in Christ. I'm still teary-eyed.

  4. LOL!

    Zoolio is getting hammered in the comments section of his "Glass chalice = ABUSE" post. FrJim points out that many metal chalices are no better than cheap trinkets and, furthermore, he's never heard a convincing argument that a fine crystal chalice should not be used - evidently, this includes the argument Zildo just made.

  5. The local TLM priest, parish in slums, spent THOUSANDS OF $$$ redoing ... the rectory kitchen. Maybe that's better than having him join THE CLERGY TABLE at the city's high priced Italian restaurant.

    1. The headquarters of the Institute of Christ the High Monsignor is in Chicago located in Woodlawn on the South Side. Last weekend, a gang banger ran over a child about seven minutes from the church while fleeing the cops after a gang shooting. Yet, despite this, the entire parish seems oddly detached from the surrounding area. Try as I might I could not find anything on the website about their outreach to the local community.. soup kitchens, clothing and food drives, mentoring programs, etc. It is almost like they are willfully ignoring Pope Francis' message.

    2. They don't want to get their blue pompoms soiled.

    3. And the poncing clerical poseur does yet another senseless, self-referencing piece of insensitivity and this time at the expense of the architects of the Ground Zero memorial in lower Manhattan to say nothing of the dead:

      "The quote from Virgil is: Nulla dies umquam memori vos eximet aevo. I am not sure that the people who chose that did a lot of research."

    4. Anonymous 8:33am:

      In that July 15th slideshow of the Institute of Christ Maharaja Monsignor you linked to, there are as many people in dresses around the altar as there are in the pews!
      Prick by Prick!
      "Pay the quack. Feed the Zed."

    5. The writer of this NY Times OP-ED from April 2011 deals with this topic with sense and sensitivity, neither of which are a part of Zuhlsdorf's repertoire.

    6. Hey Zully, you wretched specimen of an ignoranus, how dare you comment negatively on a space sacred to us native New Yorkers and combine it with more of your disgusting gourmand behavior?

      New Yorkers don't like phonies... some advice for you:

      Keep your feet off of the bulkheads in an aircraft. There are others who will be sitting in that space.

      Keep your own fat ass within the space of your seat.

      Be nice to your Uber drivers and don't forget to tip. Uber drivers rate passengers and with enough "bad marks" you could be barred from their app.

      NYC is a better place with you not in it, you miserable twit.

    7. Is 'ignoranus' intentional, or a typo? It's very apt.

    8. Truthfully Adrian it was a typo but I likes it on re reading!

    9. Yo Adrian. :D
      Gonna blog any more?

  6. I think you have the wrong person.

    1. Parody, sarcasm, humor and all the other stuff on this blog that pokes fun at the married closeted former Episcopalian organist turned minister, turned Roman Catholic priest, and you think he made a mistake? Did you read the post? Or just the headline ? Miss the bold italics reading "Different Cipolla."

      You're as dumb as the author of this blog! Sorry D, you're funny, but you're dumb as shit too.

    2. ^^^^^^^ Up at almost 4AM and nothing better to do than post an inane critique on a parody blog. Lighten up, asshat.

    3. ^^^^^^^ Typical American has no concept of any location or time zone outside of their own.

    4. ^^^^^^^^ Typical asshat. Your insult is trite and your critique still inane.