Thursday, July 16, 2015

RECTORY RENOVATIONS: Because "the laborer deserves his . . . mansion?"



I'm asking because down in Brazil, all hell's broken loose over a simple little "fixer upper" episcopal residence.
Remember Bishop Bling? Before he got blunged?

Well, he's not alone.

Once again, the Vatican has swooped in and removed a CONSERVATIVE TRADITIONALIST Bishop, using the same old excuse . . . 
just because Archbishop Antônio Carlos Altieri, S.D.B. (Society of Don Bosco, but also Sono Di Bertone, since most of these guys owed their appointments to fellow Salesian, Tarcisio Cardinal Bertone . . . who also has a "spending" problem) spent $600,000 fleeced from the flock to remodel the episcopal residence.

Altieri, 63, was appointed Archbishop of Passo Fundo, Brazil just a little while back - and, man, did Tony find a DUMP when he arrived.

So he cleaned it up. But cleaned out the treasury. By flying in a team of interior decorators (probably gay, they do a fabulous job on rectories):


The Bishop's Kitchen
Before
the place wasn't even painted - all black and white
After
and while he was at it, he added a fabulous little breakfast nook
and an outdoor grill where he could feed the street people because hey summertime calls for grillin' and chilling'


The Bishop's Den
Before
housekeeper's family always hanging around,
stealing food . . . 
After
now that's more like it!
and the other half of it became his lovely library


The Bishop's Bedroom
Before
imagine having to climb up a ladder to get into your bed?

After
big enough to accommodate a Frau-dinariate "S.O."!

The Bishop's Bathroom
Before
I don't see any toilet paper, do you? Like at the Trappist retreat house I went to last year at that dump where they raise chickens. Next year - goin' where they make beer!

After
that big boy needs his bubble bath
especially before those long TLM Solemn Highs at the Toadstool!

And for this Archbishop Altieri was removed?

I don't think so!

It was obviously because he's a TRADITIONALIST!
"Shove it up your ass!" he replied to the Nuncio. Only in Brazilian, of course.

I don't know about you, but down here, I like to keep it simple. And my Bishop's

Rectory Renovations Guidelines

makes that real easy: if you want to do ANYTHING you have to include a Bishop's Suite. I shit you not. Ain't he sweet?

Father D outside the chapel

Cooking with Reynaldo "back in the day"

Flyin' solo now, baby!

But hey, it's hard to screw up lentils, know what I mean?
Easy on the hummus . . . or you'll become a hummusexual.
Get it?

Guest room still needs a little work.

Not to mention the monastery toilet!



Reynaldo could NEVER stay awake for Parish Council meetings


I couldn't stand it when the neighboring nuns used to bring their kids over on Sunday afternoons.


One day Reverend Mother Dementia's pet bird ate Reynaldo's pet rabbit. He was training his pet python to eat Mother Dementia just before he left.


I quit the parish when I saw this sketch of their plans to celebrate my ordination anniversary. Bastards! Poor souls!

Off to my Sunday Stipends "mission stations"


So what are the Rectory Renovations Guidelines in your Diocese?

Father D would love to hear.

OK, What I'd really like to hear stories about assholes your brethren who are livin' large.

Come on! Dish the dirt into my comment box!

Remember the rules: Be vague enough to avoid libel suits but specific enough to piss people off!

Wouldn't you LOVE to be able to tell YOUR Bishop, "Hey, Shithead, Excellency - YOU'RE NEXT! Soon as Papa hits the States!"

Meanwhile, let's play a song for those lazy nosy meddling bastards hard-working and devoted officials at the local Chancery Office!

58 comments:

  1. True story.
    Unnamed pastor refused to move into his new rectory until a FULL cable TV bundle was installed.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nice. I've heard tell about a retired bishop (early of course) who refused to move out of the bishop's suite in the cathedral rectory. Stayed there until just before his successor's retirement when they sent him off to molest orderlies, er uhm, i mean serve as chaplain of a local nursing home. And the bug eyed troll is still around I hear.

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  2. Pastor of 36 years was forced to retire. He spent NORHING on himself, and made sure the diocese could never get their hands on the money. (He dumped every red cent he got into an endowment for the school.)
    Well, new pastor appointed, began spending the cha cha cha as soon as he got there. First, the rectory was below him. He had the parish buy him a house by the water. Then had renovations done to the house; new bathroom installed, marvel mantle for fireplace, sun shade for the back patio, etc. Then he started on the church. Knocked down the bell tower, ripped out the confessionals, and WANTED to get rid of altars etc, but the parishioners seemed to draw the line there. He's an Irishman in a predominantly Italian parish. He pockets funds, I'm CERTIAN. And he bad mouths the firmer pastor. Why? Well, because he actually cared about the people!

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    Replies
    1. I hope that the people complained about his wreckovation and his wanton spending to the chancery office and got him removed or transferred. Someone like that is not a pastor but a clericalist tyrant with no love for Jesus.

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  3. After blowing through the big bucks in one place while not paying some of what the place owed the Diocese, the Bishop rewarded him with a bigger place with a bigger bank account. The mismanagement starts at headquarters and is enabled and encouraged by them. Well for their favored sons that is.

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    Replies
    1. Well, when you preach the truth and make the devil run at every sermon, you're certainly worthy of a bigger, richer parish.

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    2. Oh please. He's as dumb as dogshit. And therefore one of Voris favorites. Former Assembly of God member. Pass the cigars and the swords.

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  4. can't help here. i live in my diocese's (state's, in fact) highest-income county and the parish staff (inc. pastor) live in little suites and eat in a common room. the archbishop, however, has 15,000 sq. ft. at least he didn't have it built.

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    Replies
    1. Take it from Janet....and you know who you are.....the 15,000 digs sounds PERFECT for a prelate on the rise.....think of the soirees

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    2. Oh Janet, look who's in residence still! Do you (and your BF) hang out with the Little Big Shot?

      http://www.churchofsaintaugustineprov.com/about/priests

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    3. Janets a cunt

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    4. Yeah, but compared to her replacement she's looking like Mother Teresa.

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    5. Honey, you can ALWAYS take it from Janet, as a specialist in the fine art of certified mail on the right date for the right effect, that You have no knowledge of female anatomy while specializing in the skin flute. My boyfriend roared laughing at your nasty comment and simply dismissed you saying, Cee U Next Tuesday pumpkin!!!!!

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    6. Janet, you are all that and a bag of Cavanaugh Hosts! Don't let any of these jealous ladies bother you. You obviously know where a lot of bodies are buried and a lot of juicy anecdotes. We love Janet!

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    7. Does Cavanaugh make gluten free hosts? If not, I'll need to pass on Jesus.

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  5. If Bishops live in their own private homes rather than rectories because they need to get away from their work (every night????) why are priests required to live in rectories? Are we not really working? Or is their work so much more stressful than ours? Or are they just pampered jerks who tap danced their way to a pointed hat and a private home?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Boo boo. You have a nice house to live in that other people pay for, plus money for meals in addition to your monthly paycheck. Who was the bishop from the midwest that travelled from rectory to rectory?

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  6. Does anyone -- ahem, Janet -- know anything about East Coast +Sal's RI digs where he is listed "in residence" on the parish bulletin?

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    Replies
    1. The former pastor and his senior priest live in boyfriend, were a couple of Sal's Gals. Now that the old intoxicated thing has retired to the lake house, I don't think Sally visits as often. The Saturday dinner parties have stopped and there is another Odd Bod frequent visitor that seems particularly close to the new pastor.

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  7. More on the HGTV bishop in Brazil:

    "Priests also opposed the imposition of a 10% diocesan assessment on parish income and complained about prelate’s “rubricism” and “ritualism” in the liturgy, as well as his willingness to accept seminarians who had left other dioceses and religious orders, according to the report.

    In a letter to the archdiocese announcing his resignation, Archbishop Altieri, a Salesian, recalled that when he ministered in Angola, he was moved by the example of young albinos who, out of love for their families, moved into the forest when they realized that their presence led to the persecution of those whom they loved. He closed with an apology to anyone he may have offended."

    Young albinos?!?!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Our bishop is neither young nor an albino but I wish to God he'd move into the forest. On Mars.

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  8. Orthodoxy, or death! Let's go to holy mount Athos!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lard Ass has passed on the Mt Athos caper. He's gone to NYC to gormandize, booze on, meet up with 'priest' friends and other 'friends', take pictures of artefacts out of a coffee table book and sent them to the Zombies along with a pre-fabricated faux-art connoisseur Museum report.
      He'll probably throw in a tantrum report on Dolan's treatment of the eccentric old fart, Rutler of the Hell's Kitchen Pius V old time line dancers.

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    2. Have you noticed that Z no longer posts pictures of himself? Been quite a while, in fact, since we've seen any of him other than his foot in Preferred Select airline seats. Do you think maybe he's put on a few pounds? Those dinners certainly aren't helping. Christ, he's a glutton.

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  9. I'll never forget seeing Rutler dressed in a Roman cassock as he processed through the Forum Romanum on one of the hottest mornings in July.

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  10. Speaking of over-indulged clergy, I see that Lacy-boy is mincing through Manhattan this week taking some "R&R".
    This little jaunt should set his adoring syncophants back at least a few thousand bucks. Fools and their money......

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    Replies
    1. The thing of immeasurable sadness is that good people are supporting this gluttonous slob's extravagant lifestyle at the expense of the poor in REAL NEED.

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    2. Zildo is open about his sloth and gluttony. His sponsors might be good faithful Catholics, but they're dumb as fuck.

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  11. Zabrina the Teenage Witch just flew from Madison to New York and boy are his arms tired! But seriously, folks, as you can see from his photos, Zsa Zsa is on the SEE FOOD diet, i.e. see food, eat food.

    Who are Messrs. R. & R. with whom Zildo is so keen to let it all hang out?
    Reinhard and Reinhold?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Rubbers and Rectums

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  12. My mayor is "persecuting" the police dept. That entire post of Z's is rebarbative, just revolting stuff. Today is the anniversary of Eric Garner's killing. An astute retired cop pointed out to me that the medics were more to blame than the police, but that there's enough blame to go around. I doubt Z will spare a prayer for the deceased though.

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    Replies
    1. Medics to blame, really??? The cause of death was strangulation inflicted by a racist thug impersonating a police officer and defended by a goon leading the police union.

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  13. Maybe one of those few remaining Irish cops in Manhattan will nail Lard Ass for impersonating a priest.

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  14. Maybe Z's getting educated by Father Rutfuxkler on the topics of misogyny, homophobia, simony and generally being a burden on society.

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    Replies
    1. Misogyny, homophobia, simony and generally being a burden on society, are four topics that Zildork is well qualified to teach. Rutler is certainly an ass first class, but I have the impression he is s true believer rather than a con man living on the ecclesiastical dole like Zuhlsdorf.

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    2. It's always a treat to see someone like Charlotte so splendidly subverts and discredits some of Lacy Boy's clerical pomposity and bluff especially on things liturgical:

      Charlotte Allen says:

      16 July 2015 at 9:45 AM


      "What do you make of a Baccarat chalice? Here are some photos from the Internet:

      http://www.collectorsweekly.com/stories/16471-huge-baccarat-massena-chalice-please-he

      https://www.liveauctioneers.com/item/37055094_large-limited-edition-baccarat-glass-chalice-france

      Now, Baccarat crystal is really expensive, and it’s also very beautiful. (I got six Baccarat tulip-shape wine glasses as wedding presents, and I guard them with my life). So it would seem to pass the test of being “fine.” And way out of the ordinary.

      The breakability remains a problem. Nonetheless, one web-page informed me that Louis-Philippe commissioned a Baccarat chalice in 1840. Were crystal chalices regarded by the Church as legitimate back then–or did Louis-Philippe get away with it because he was the king of France?"

      The corrected, resentful Lard Ass' dismissive response:

      "[Today: Liturgical abuse.]"
      In a fit of pique and a puff of the vapors, Crassly the Gormandizer flees to the Big Pastrami.

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  15. How is it Matano is "in residence" outside of his diocese?

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    Replies
    1. Wrecked in RochesterJuly 17, 2015 at 2:04 PM

      I don't know but we would love it if he'd be in residence there 24/7 365 days a year. With the imported secretary.

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    2. Amen to that. And he can take his traddie priests and seminarians with him.

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    3. He's a mean and nasty fucker that only developed an appreciation for the old Mass when he realized that doing so would advance his career. Much like his dedicated phony admiration to Burke who loves advancing the careers of his sycophantic disciples which keeps them loyal and attentive to his bidding.

      He capitalizes on his friendship to the still very influential Burke to prevent people from questioning him.

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    4. In his home diocese he was responsible for the then-Bishop (a total brainless nutcase) BANNING the TLM because it would "divide the diocese." Once SP came out, he made a big deal of being the first USA bishop to offer it. Total careerist phony.

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    5. Sorry. Brainless Nutcase is a rather vague term as that See has had several less than smart and less than emotionally sound sede fillers.
      Rampage Rusty, Loonie Louise, Don't Bug Me Bobby, or Touchy Tempered Tabitha?

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  16. Our beloved bishop has bought a beach house that he spends an increasingly large amount of time at. This is in addition to the suite he keeps at a religious community in Rome with whom he spends about 8 weeks a year "on retreat."

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    1. Can anybody name a NAC-er Bishop who hangs out (outside his diocese) at his family's beach house? That's where the cops picked him up one night after he was drunk driving and hit someone's car and just kept on going. But he's very stern against gay marriage and other non-orthodox Catholic people.

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    2. my bishop lives in the cemetery which suits his personality. Dead and decaying.

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    3. Drunk driving by the beach? That's Bobby Mac.

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  17. Bobby Mac was one of the nicest kids all through BSS but when he went to OLP he turned into a bit of a prick. I've been with the Piskies and Orthies so long that I lost track of him. Seems like he's gotten a bit worse.

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  18. Narragansett
    Ingredients
    2 oz. Bourbon Whiskey
    1 oz. Sweet Vermouth
    1/2 tsp. Anisette
    In an old-fashioned glass almost filled with ice cubes, combine the Bourbon whiskey, vermouth, and anisette. Stir well and garnish with a lemon twist.

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    Replies
    1. Honey, make mine a double!!!

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    2. Janet what's the BF drinking? I hear the diocese pays for the boss' booze. Yours too?

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    3. I wonder if its like that in other dioceses too? Imagine if the diocese has to pay for Bobby Mac's booze! Talk about financial hardship.

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    4. Janets pussy is loose......shes a whore with a loose pussy

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    5. She shoves a Pascal candle in that nasty pussy of hers and it still flops around

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    6. ^^^^You traditional Catholics are so inspiring. Janet's laughing her ass off, I bet, because she's pissed you off properly by hitting the nail on the head and by showing in her posts that she knows quite well what she's talking about and has probably only shared a tenth of it. I'll let you traddies get back to your Johnny Cakes.

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    7. ^^^^^^ Do you speak of cornmeal flatbread or the Sopranos character???

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  19. Don't forget the Archbishop on the West Coast who was SUPPOSED to become Archbishop of Chicago as Cardinal KLINK's Designated Succcessor but ended up only as homilist at the funeral.

    Sort of fitting right? After all when Bernardin told JP II he was dying of cancer, and suggested a successor, JP II called Bernie Law and Francis George got the gig. Goes around comes around. George tells Francis and suggests Seattle. Francis calls Law's successor O'Malley and chooses Spokane.

    The look on George's face at the press conference introducing Cupich was priceless along with the snide interview of "things I'd like to ask Francis if I met him." Jesus what an exit.

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    Replies
    1. Who did Bernadin want as his successor?

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  20. Father, I sympathize with you and the hard work you have to do. For me, I only have to go to a race track to do mass. Oh, the trads would not like all the compromises I have to make. The theme--shepherds, oh Francis' staff from earlier in the week. It will be the message. I'll try to make an an adaption; shepherds should smell like horses.

    ReplyDelete