Monday, May 25, 2015

Bishop Fabian Bruskewitz: "YOGA MAY FIX YOUR BODY BUT WRECK YOUR SOUL!"

I don't know about you, but on this Memorial Day, I was deeply moved as I spent some time thinking about those amazing men and women whose lives and deaths helped build These United States into the country it is today and how they are silent now, gone from us, gathered up into their eternal reward.

Then I opened my email and was reminded of those incredibly whacked men whose idiocy helped demolish the Church into the wreck it is only beginning to recover from today and how they just won't shut up, won't go away, and get sucked up into their eternal reward.

Come on now. I admit that those attached to the Traditional Latin Mass as well as the traditional expressions of the Catholic Faith were not given the pastoral attention they needed during the years after the Council.  Ecclesia Dei adflicta left the local Ordinary to implement the use of the older rite. Many refused to do so, only adding to the resentment, anger and isolation of those wanting the older rite.

Then, Pope Benedict loosened most restrictions, and limited the authority of the local ordinary to shepherd his diocese. Certainly what many behaviorists would call an over correction. 


Rather than being grateful for the freedoms granted through Summorum Pontificum, many have attempted to impose their preferences for what they believe is the glory of the olden days and the olden ways, exemplified in Going My Way, on those who have never known of, or who have gladly moved on from, the Traditional (once abrogated now restored) older form of the Latin Mass.



One of the leaders of the restoration, imposition of the Old over the New, is the now retired (Deo gratias) Bishop of Lincoln, Fabian Bruskewitz.



There's Bishop Fabian Bruskewitz all dressed up for his daily yoga session.

Just kidding. The Most Reverend Dinosaur, formerly of Lincoln, Nebraska, has just reminded us all that YOGA Can Ruin Your Faith



Bishop "Fabe the Babe" teaching the newly ordained the only
morally acceptable Catholic form of stretching allowed.
Addressing a Catholic Women's group called Women Lost In Space, of which oddly he is the Director, Fab Fabe reminded them:


Yoga is rooted in the Hindu religion, which is a “a pagan religion based on heathen beliefs and false doctrine of revelation involving such things as transmigration of souls, and so forth.”
The bishop said it's impossible to separate the Hindu religious aspects of yoga from the practice itself.
“Certainly, if one wants to engage in physical exercises to strengthen one’s body, such a practice would be morally neutral, and would not, in itself, involve anything detrimental to our Catholic faith. However, the practice of yoga most often, if it does not begin that way, eventually morphs into an acceptance of points of view, and even doctrinal and moral matters that are distant from Catholic truth, and from genuine and authentic Christian revelation,” he said.
The website shows exactly what Bishop Bruskewitz is worried about with pictures of convents showing the nuns vainly attempting to deepen their contemplative lives by doing yoga.

The (not-so) Little Sisters of the Madonna of Mercy:

Sister M. Dementia Schlong of the Erie (actually Terrifying) Benedictines:

Sister Tabitha of the Sisters Servants of the Scourging at the Pillar:

Sister Wanda of the Sisters of Seamen and Seawomen, nicknamed "the Misericordia Mermaids" doing the posture known as "The Purposeful Porpoise":



The Bishop had a helpful alternative suggestion: Grab a pair of balls! Chinese Baoding Balls. Or as we fans of Father Z call them: Badda-Bing Balls!

“Don't think I don't understand how we all need to relax in this modern world. But instead of twisting your bodies into shapes God never intended them to go, and forgetting the 20 mysteries of the Rosary, the 12 Fruits of the Holy Ghost, and the 767 rubrics of the Solemn High Tridentine Mass which you ladies are never going to be able to say anyhow, grab a pair of balls.” he said. "It works for me every time. And I KNOW it will work for you!

They come gift boxed in a color meant to remind us of the Holy Spirit Ghost!

They come in different colors! And you can grab your balls in just about any way that works for you!
 

If you've ever wished your Bishop had a pair of balls, they even come in "episcopal green"!


When can you tell they're having the desired effect?

“Oh you'll know," Bishop Bruskewitz smiled. "You'll just know, honey! Trust me! I always do!" 

And can you lose weight just by grabbing your balls like that?

“Well," said Bishop Bruskewitz, "I went from real big to this big! And I owe it all to those amazing balls!"


Bishop Bruskewitz gestures to show what happened when he started to shrink:


And by the time the ball-grabbing was over, Deacons were able to carry Formerly Fat Fabe into Mass in this modified Sedia Gestatoria (a gift from Cardinal Burke, who doesn't need it back until his Papal Coronation).


Deacons Carry Bishop Bruskewitz Into Mass: Ecce Sacerdos Parvus!
But there will always be those who disagree, even with a Bishop as infallible as Fab Fabe, like these Sisters from Philadelphia, who say, "Who needs ball grabbing, when ball busting works even better?"



Let's end this holiday weekend with one more drink and some music to grab your balls by! The background singer on the far left - who theologically is to the far right - has now grown up these 30 years later into a Diocesan Bishop who gets mentioned quite frequently on this blog (the shaggy hair should give it away). Look closely at that hairy chest, unless you've just come from a cook-out, and you'll see one of the pectoral crosses he still wears today.

15 comments:

  1. He's way too tall, Fr. D.

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  2. Fabe always looked like the kind of guy that would fun to go out with and have a few cocktails except that I would bet that he never picks up a tab.

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    1. Of course not! Lowest ecclesiastical rank foots the bill. They teach that at the NAC. Since Sally had me made a monsignor, the only time I pay for drinks is when I'm out with him alone. And that's a rarity cuz Sally loves an audience!

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    2. Does Sally top from the bottom??

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    3. Any chance we could get our Sallies, er, straight? There are two notable ones, East and West coast -- Mutt and Jeff also come to mind.

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  3. Judging by the pictures of the food and drink Fatter Z is choking down on the laity's tab, I'd like to see him try to get his gigunda arse into a yoga position. "Off to another ordination in a few days." Of another pre-Vatican II Tridentine young scary clericalist. What utter nonsense.

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    1. And forget not the Immemorial of 1570 Grand Tour with Lacy Boy as Ululator-in-chief and Celebrity guts-ache. Here' an encomium from Uncle Jim Bob:

      Rome with Fr. Z (19-29 October)


      UncleBlobb says:

      2 May 2015 at 4:32 PM


      Yes, do go! As a veteran of last year’s trip, I can say with certainty that it was worth every penny: in fact, beyond price."

      Yes, Joe Billy Bob, probably because the great pain in the Ass himself was rarely with the group. How could the reader ever forget the breathless, gushing excursions to select the Big Bod Morlino's brocade drapery.


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  4. I remember a wonderful little book by Dom Dechanet which introduced me to yoga from a christian perspective. That was written in the days when Pius XII was still gloriously reigning.

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    1. Do you remember the title by any chance? This book came up in conversation over the weekend.

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    2. Déchanet, J.-M., Christian Yoga, (Originally published as La Voie de Silence, 3rd edition, translated by Roland Hindmarsh. First French edition, 1956) Tunbridge Wells, Kent: Search Press, Ltd., first published 1960, eighth impression 1984.

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    3. There are yogic instructions too in the Carthusian title "The Way of Silent Love." Numquam reformanda, those Carthusians. Bruskewitz ... Carthusians ... yeah I'd listen to the latter.

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  5. I see from the latest rantings of Professor Peter Krapnewski (could he be Mark Thomas? The length and delusion of their posts match) that New Liturgical Bowel Movement is now virtually part of the SSPX schism. Good riddance!

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    1. Yes the lunatic K of the Wyoming Barking Prairie Dogs is in the end stages of rabies infection.
      As you say, the beards, bowties and bodices of the Institute of Peristaltic Movements have finally dog paddled across the ditch to Econe.
      They stand as splendid example of what can happen when religion gets the better of person.

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  6. That red thing in the lower photo looks like a ceremonial ossuary. I've been to Catholic funerals with cremains present but NOT what would be described as traditional.

    The one thing evident in the photo is the lack of faithful in the pews.

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  7. This guy Fabian looks like he wraps his small prick in starched lace before jerking it. Its all OK so long as underage boys aren't hurt...

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