Thursday, April 9, 2015

SCHISM . . . it's time we got seriously STEAMY

If you're anything like me (and I hope your Bishop can afford the meds),
your heart goes out to people who are . . . well, "out there". Even though, when it comes to people like Reverend Mother M. John Cunniwicke of the Fraudinariate of Our Lady of Walsingsnark, whose life is one long bitch-session, you kind of wish they had stayed "out there." Out there in that special Anglo-Catholic world of make believe:

make believe Masses
 make believe Bishops
Real Bishop on Left, Make-Believe Bishop on Right
make believe priests (and some funky "Canons")

make believe "Gee, we're just so damned sophisticated and important though, aren't we?"

even make believe wives.

I mean. Really. Wives? This gang?

Which is why I got to thinking, while pondering poor dear Cunniwicke's latest rant "Schism . . . It's time we got serious" where he volunteers to help Cardinal Capote deal with those de urine schismatics if he can manage a freebie stay in some Roman palazzo owned by the Order of Moola . . . what about Mrs. Cunniwicke? Does she get to go to Ireland and Rome and these United States? Or does she have to stay home and mind the parsonage?

Fortunately, here's where the Anglican Patrimony of Clerical Matrimony has lots to offer the wider Church. Going back to the man who gave Cunniwicke and all his buddies their Utterly-Null-and-Absolutely-Void Make-Believe-Invalid-Orders, Archbishop Thomas Cranmer
Except he doesn't look anything like the Cranmer poster in Reynaldo's room, right up there on the wall next to his One Erection poster:
When Archbishop Cranmer used to take "The Wife" around to Confirmations and Extraordinary Synods, he just popped her in the box and off they went!
Looks like Mrs. Archbishop even had a little table with all her Host-making equipment and Altar Linens iron. The Anglican Church was a Nun-Free Zone back then!

All of which got me thinking of a new business venture for Yours Truly,

Father D's Fraudinariate Clergy Wives Schismatic Steamers!

We'd carry a full-line, baby - something for everyone!
THE CUNNIWICKE CRAM(ner)-IT-IN CRATE (get it?):
spacious enough for your wife, her lacy unmentionables and your lacy fabulous vestments!

 
CARDINAL CAPOTE'S CAPPA-CRATE
keeps your Cappa Magna unwrinkled, with plenty of storage drawers for your buskins, pallium, gloves and matching purses, fabulous ecclesiastical jewelry, and of course, your fuscia or cardinal red Depends


FATHER Z'S ALL-THE-CRAP-THE-ZOMBIES-BOUGHT-ME-CRATE
Clerical-Military Gear, Effeminate Liturgical Robes, Expensive Booze, and "Private Gadgets" . . . if you get my drift
And we'll even carry a model like this, if you've got someone special around like "Reynnie Boy". Hey, it happens. Who am I to judge?
The "I-THINK-HE-SAID-HE-WAS-FATHER'S-GODSON" CRATE
No telling what (or who) you might find in there!
Although, you know, when you think about it, pop open a box belonging to of one of these guys, and instead of a wife, you'll probably find this:

13 comments:

  1. Of course, a good number of these wives are what is known in the trade as "beards".
    They were meant to give hubby cover and in exchange lived a pretty good life. Social status, enough money to live well, pop out a kid to make it look like they were REALLY husband and wife ( sometimes ONCE is enough ), while hubby cruised the parks in his off time.
    Convenient for all.
    "Living with integrity".....well, that is a subject for another day.

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  2. Hold on! Cranmer had valid CathoLICK orders. You can't blame him for the null and void.

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    1. Cranmer nullified the FORM with which he passed on "Orders" by rewriting (not simply translating) the rites of ordination so as to remove the Catholic doctrine of the priesthood. Manifestly, then, he no longer had the INTENTION to confer the Catholic priesthood the clergy of his Church of England and the Ordinal he composed both reflected that lack of intention and rendered the "Orders" he passed on null and void. Blameworthy he is. (cf Leo XIII Apostolicae Curae)

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    2. "Cranmer had valid CathoLICK orders"

      Spoken and spelled like a true Anglican.

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    3. Come, now. If you can't be kind, at least be charitable. Some of my best friends are Anglicans. O{]=0)
      Others are Unitarians, Pagans, Orthodox and even a few Roman Catholics for good measure!

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    4. I'm sorry Anonymous 1:14 but if you think Anglican Orders are null and void, what shall we say of modern Roman ones? If you read Apostolicae Curae (and the reply Saepius Officio, written in better Latin), exactly the same charge Rome laid against Canterbury has been changed in the Roman Pontifical, first by Pius XII in 1947 and again by Paul VI in 1968. Arguably the last "validly" ordained Roman priests were ordained in 1946 and, let's face it, there can't be many of those left!

      This puts the new generation of Traddie priests into question, surely. All those trendy new priests like Raymond Blake, Tim Finigan, the one and only John Zuhlsdorf, all ordained AFTER 1968. And what makes me laugh is that the Minor Orders were abolished in 1972. What right, then, do they have to dress up as Subdeacons? If that order was not conferred on them, that is...

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  3. Careful, calling Ordinariate Masses make-believe, you are denying Our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament.

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    1. I don't see Fr D calling Ordinariate Masses make believe. He says instead of being IN the Ordinariate he wishes Cunwicke had stayed OUT THERE = the Anglo-Catholic world of make believe. You must work for the Curia. Read it wrong and then accuse.

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  4. Well what exactly is make believe about Ordinariate Masses, then?

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    1. BEFORE THEY BECAME CATHOLIC!
      That is a Papal Determination. Absolutely null and utterly void. Those exact words. Therefore, prior to them becoming Catholic, their masses and holy orders were pretend, make believe, phony, bogus, fake, non-Catholic. The only valid sacrament Anglicans offer is baptism.

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    2. Like most Roman 'sacraments' these days then.

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  5. As usual, many of the tightly wound have jumped on what was meant to be a bit funny. Traditionalists usually make a great deal of the declaration that all Anglican Orders are "absolutely null and utterly void" as defined in Apostolicae Curae. The SSPX, and Transalpine Redemptorists of whom Father Hunwicke seems to be very fond as well as Father Zzzz and many others frequently refer to this document. Hence my frequent use of "formerly null and void" referring to Father Hunwicke's Anglican priesthood. Like most things on this blog, IT. IS. A. JOKE.

    The only statement any of us should really make about the validity of any other ecclesial body is that as the Catholic Church is not in full communion with these bodies, and it is not for me to judge. The Church decides with whom and under what circumstances that its members can participate in the worship of other faith bodies. Because the Anglican Communion and Roman Catholic Church do not share full communio in sacris, as faithful Catholics we can not receive from their altars. May God be the judge of their validity rather than us imperfect asses with chips on our shoulders!

    IMAGINE--- if at the divine judgement if the Almighty were to ask an Ordinariate Presbyter why he converted and he replied that he wanted to offer a valid Mass -- and Saint Peter just laughed heartily.

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  6. Meanwhile Old Mother HoneyWhiskers apparently spent yesterday hosting a blossoming crop of young SS officers from the far right of the German Church. Guess everyone in a collar or cassock is on holiday after an exhausting forty day fast and all of those tucker-me-out Holy Week liturgies.

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