Tuesday, April 7, 2015


Happy Easter!

Of course it's still Easter! Didn't Sister teach you way back when that Easter just keeps on going long past when the lilies die? First the Easter Octave. Then Eastertide. Until Ascension, if you're a Trent-Traddy. That's when you put out the Paschal Candle, right after the Gospel. Just take that old candle-snuffer and

* poof *

Bye-bye Jesus!

If you're Novus Ordo, the Paschal Candle stays till Pentecost. 40 days. 50 days. It's all good. Well, around here, they moved Ascension Thursday to the following Sunday so priests don't get exhausted from working another 45 minutes right after Hump Day.

I was thinking back to seminary days. We had an antique candle snuffer from Poland in the shape of a bishop's mitre. Same thing happened to the candle light as putting a mitre on most bishop's heads. If you get my drift.
This is our candle snuffer. Reminds me of our Bishop, but for other reasons.

Speaking of the seminary. You know, we have some really interesting commenters who visit from time to time. For instance, Janet! I wonder what seminary Janet (and her BF) went to? Doesn't sound anything like mine.

Mine was old school. Very imposing building.
Our Rector was a born climber who had been the old Bishop's fair-haired boy, named a Monsignor a week or so after Confirmation.
No "Say 3 Hail Marys and make a good Act of Contrition" from this fun dude for confessing the favorite seminary sin, if you get my drift . . . 
Then the old Bishop died and the new one came in from outside the Diocese. Because he had been inside the Nunciature. Maybe you know the type?  Busy-body paper-pusher who knew how to order in Italian at the best places in DC and was born to mind everyone else's business. New Bishop couldn't stand the Rector who henceforth became the perpetual runner-up for Auxiliary Bishop, always the bridesmaid and never the bride!
No wonder Pope John checked out after just five years.
All the faculty members had both feet planted firmly in mid-air and zero pastoral skills which made them perfect for preparing us for parish work. Some of them had S.T.Ds too. But not like the kind some of today's seminary faculty have . . . but I digress.

Seminary liturgy was really special! 
Not only did it "build up community", it really gave you a sense of the rhythm and readings of the liturgical year. Yeah, right!

The only women allowed around the place were the Kitchen Krew: a dozen Bosnian stevedores, the Sisters of Saint Dragomira, Warrior Nun of Upper Bosnia.
Sisters of Saint Dragomira at Recreation: Live it up, girls! Just slightly better than being in a Soviet prison camp back home.
They probably ran a fancy academy for wealthy girls back in Sarajevo. But over here they were reduced to scorching the purificators and trying to make food that couldn't pass the FDA's minimum regs edible for the seminarians. The menu was like the Psalter in Trappist monasteries: on a two week cycle that never varied. Fridays were really special: days of penance. The faculty "suffered" with baked stuffed lobster and shrimp cocktail the size of chihuahuas donated by the Mafia guy, a Tony Soprano look-alike, whose kid was the senior prefect (of course). We seminarians got "mystery fish": Whale Tail or Sewer Trout, depending on what it looked like after the fry-o-lator.

We never went into the kitchen: it was scary enough seeing what came out of there. Just the table servers went into the pantry. But you were allowed to hit the refectory's back table at 4 pm before afternoon study and at 9:15 after Compline (but no talking - the Night Silence: that's when I bet Janet heard plenty of stuff at her seminary! Ha! Ha! Ha! I hope she reads this post!).

Thinking back, I figure that's when the Big Mistake was made by those wonderful nuns. Besides the Bosnian cookies, similar in size and weight to hockey pucks, there was this and only this beverage available:

Explains a lot.

UPDATE with special thanks to Anonymous 1:39 P.M.
See, unlike your local Chancery, we do give two shits what you think . . . OK, one-and-a-half. Maybe two shits if your annual Bishops' Appeal is up to snuff. And like your local Chancery, we take all your CONSTRUCTIVE criticisms very seriously. Yeah, right.
Which one is Cunniwicke?
Thanks for the heads up on Reverend Mother Cunniwicke's latest Bitch-and-Moan session on the Church that bent over backwards (and forwards) to establish the Fraudinariate of Our Lady of Walsingsnark. We have some rare footage of a younger Cunnwicke "welcoming" people to his formerly Utterly-Null-and-Absolutely-Void Anglican parish:


  1. I still "Wake up Gay in the Morning" ... but he still likes to sleep-in.

  2. Oh, Fr. D. -- Easter levity has you back in full form. There is a diocese currently run by the episcopal type you mention (sent to us from another Diocese which received him in turn from a Nunciature -- think lilacs and maple syrup) where it seems everyone was on an intravenous Ovaltine drip back in the day. They called it "the Rock" -- as in rock hard, if you get my drift. I'm glad you had an equally gay old time when the ladies were pretty much out in the open in the seminary, unlike today when they hide beneath their lace surplices and black dresses, concealing their true identities behind clouds of incense. But those in the know aren't fooled -- a drag queen is a drag queen no matter what.

    1. Well we listened so attentively to the JOYOUS Paschal Message from Snowopolis. Such warmth and emotion!
      Good thing His Grace wasn't standing guard when those brave and devout women turned up to anoint the body that First Day of the Week so long ago.

    2. I still loved all the canon law books and the picture of Pope Paul VI. His poster of Pope Francis is probably in his room. I wish Janet had taken some pictures back in Algebra class all those years ago. You're so lucky, Janet! I bet you treasure the memories still. Your BF too!

    3. If I might add this plea to Janet and any other messengers of divine Providence to supply us Snowopolites (the snow is gone, actually) with photographic evidence that his Joylessness had a life prior to Nunciatura asskissing, Pharisee school, and Green mountaineering, we would be so appreciative. The shorter the better!

  3. And I thought, my dear Father D, you were going to offer the Rev'd Mother some consoling words because he laments modern liturgy's prolongation of paschal joys until Pentecost.

  4. Welcome back to SNL Sunny Nutty Liturgy stuff....great post...lets all cha cha till the Holy Spirit day.....

  5. I loved Ovaltine as a child.... and I've never married. Suddenly it's all so obvious to me: I have a beverage-based deviancy.