Saturday, March 28, 2015

READING FRANCIS THROUGH BURKE: The HermanMunster of Continuity

The HermanMunster of Continuity
OK, so theology wasn't my strong suit in the Seminary. Neither was liturgy. Or scripture. Or canon law. Or phys ed. You've probably guessed all this already. I wasn't much good at bar tending either. But that didn't really matter, since I also didn't have blonde hair, blue eyes or a sports letter on my jacket from high school days, so Monsignor Money never invited me out on his yacht anyhow. Some of you may laugh at that, but I have a classmate who became a Monsignor, back in the good old pre-Francis days of clerical careers, just because he mixed a mean cocktail at the Archbishop's summer residence. Back when there was an Archbishop's summer residence. But I digress . . . Besides not being able to fix the faculty's drinks, I couldn't fix their cars either. Seriously, one of the guys in my class even dumber than I was (imagine?!) got himself ordained just because he could do that. Eventually became his bishop's secretary because he could do other things, but . . . hey, who am I to judge? Also, I couldn't play hockey or the organ (no dirty jokes, please, it's almost Holy Week). Basically, I think they kept me around because I made people laugh.

But sometimes at the wrong time. Our Archdiocese had an Auxiliary Bishop who was sad in many ways (aren't most Auxiliary Bishops sad? Having to pretend they're even dimmer than the small appliance bulb Ordinary they have to fill in for and clean up after). This one had . . . how to put it delicately . . . bowel issues. Think: Depends. Always leaving in the middle of the Liturgy. Which worked when you had those long Glorias and endless Credos for downtime. What made it even funnier, back in those days, was the motto he picked for his coat-of-arms: Semetipsum Exinanivit. And he actually did one day. During a Retreat. Saint William's Hall. Right at the altar. Right down his leg. In the middle of the Eucharistic Prayer. I shit you not (pardon the pun). (Nope, I'm not gonna translate the Latin for you. GO LOOK IT UP, as Father Z would bark at you! Philippians 2:7. It's really funny given his bowel troubles). Anyhow, he was such a cold fish, one of the professors told us the man's mother died while giving birth to him. When we expressed our shocked sympathy, the professor laughed, "Yeah, she froze to death." One time he came to the Seminary to confer Minor Orders, I was on the servers' squadron and when he sat down for whatever the part is where the Bishop sits down, I put his mitre on backwards, with those flappy things hanging right in front of his face. I never served a Pontifical Liturgy again.

So you can understand why I never followed stuff on epistlelomology or redactional reductionalism. And I always thought "form criticism" was something you did if you didn't keep "custody of the eyes." So I made up the phrase "hermanmunster" because I couldn't figure out what hermeneutic meant.

Who knew it would one day become so popular?

So I got to thinking, why emphasize the differences between Pope Francis and the future anti-Pope Pius XIII, Raymond Leo Cardinal Burke? Or Truman Cardinal Capote as we like to call him here just to make you laugh.


Dapper Dudes!

But I'm the type of guy who likes to emphasize what unites us rather than what divides us (you've probably noticed that), so I was thinking, let's look at the similarities between the current Pope and the de-facto anti-Pope. I call my little spiritual exercise:


They Both Like Really Weird Hats

They Both Like Really Weird Capes

They're Both Into Kissing

They're Both Into Humility
(Being Vested By Someone Else)

In fact, if you ask me, and nobody did, I think Francis is trying to out-Ray Ray!

Now, excuse me, I have to go get the palms ready MYSELF, since You-Know-Who isn't around to prepare the palms the way he always did . . . and always so unforgettably. All glory, laud and honor indeed! *Sigh*
My favorite verse was removed from this hymn by some gloomy Prefect of the Sacred Congregation for Minding Everyone Else's Divine Worship:
Be Thou, O Lord, the Rider
And we the little ass
That to the Holy City
Together we might pass.
Anyhow, here's a little sacred song to put you in the mood (for Palm Sunday, get your mind out of the gutter)! A lot has happened since it was recorded though: for one thing, the composer, Abbe Florence-Marie Faure, has been consecrated a Bishop in the Schismatic Lefevbrian Line of Schismatic Bishops at the gloved (natch!) hands of Dick Williamolocaust. And the Crystal Cathedral has been returned to its rightful owners, the Holy Roman Catholic Church, refurbished for a Gospel pittance, and placed under the jurisdiction of the second meanest Bishop in California. And they changed the words to the song. It used to go: "Strew we today green palms and blossoms gay . . . " Oh well. Enjoy just the same:

Sad Secular News
You know those other Krazy Katholic Konvert blogs are full of the "gloom-and-doom" the Last Cool Pope warned us about, so I hate to bring up bad news but . . . wow. Just wow.
Before the Schism. I hate schisms. They ruin everything.
I think we're all feeling a little fragile and vulnerable after finding out that Zayn Malik, the only Muslim member of One Erection, left the group this week to go and entertain the troops of ISIS. Like that Muslim mother said, "the kids blow up so fast these days!" It's like Archbishop Lefebvre leaving the Church. Makes the heart sad. Just changing the One Erection posters Reynaldo had put up around here, removing the Zayn action figure from the bathtub, and putting Reynaldo's One Erection lunch box away reminded me of all the sad stuff that happened when Saint Phloradora was removed from the Martyrology way back when I was a little kid.
Saint Phloradora in happier days.
Well, I  mean, she's eternally happy, right? But our pastor was happy when all those candles were raking in all that cash, not to be too crass about it. Myself, I was just a kid, and I always wondered, "If she didn't really exist, where did all our prayers to her go?" Sister said, "Oh there's one like you in every class. Somebody or other up there picked them up, alright?" Yes, Sister, I guess so.
Our pastor couldn't imagine moving that huge statue from the side altar, so he tried changing the nameplate to Saint Agnes. But Saint Phloradora had no lamb with her. Then he thought, "Saint Lucy!" But no plate of eyes. How about "Saint Agatha?!" But Phloradora had very obvious breasts. Then Vatican II came along and the side altars and statues all went anyhow. Problem solved! Here's Reynaldo's favorite video of one of One Erection's most popular songs. Enjoy this too (before Good Friday). See if you can pick out the cameo appearance by two guys from our Chancery Office! Bon Voyage, Zayn! Allah Baba Wack Ya! Or whatever it is they're always yelling. 


  1. Saint William's Hall? OMG I think I know the Seminary. I think I was there when you were. Did they nickname the theologate Heifer House because the seminarians were all so friggin fat?

    1. They did indeed. It started in St. Clements as their name for St. John's Hall....until Piggy had had ENUFF of that and they put the clamp down.

    2. St. Clements? OMG, OMV?

  2. I often wonder if bishops' lines pass on to priests or bishops ordained/consecrated by them, then do the sacerdotal lines of the ordaining or consecrating bishops pass on to the same priests or bishops?

    To make this convoluted question less convoluted let me ask: Does + Williamson's allegedly absolutely null and utterly void Anglican sacerdotal or ministerial lines pass on to whomsoever he ordains or consecrates?

    The possibilities are tantalizing. Could he be inculcating these more Catholic than the pope clerics with the seeds of an elegant Protestantism? ROFLOL!

  3. And more good news reported on Retrorate: Our glorious Holy Father has dealt with another old pseud.

  4. Wow I guess bar tending at episcopal summer residences was an established monsignorial career track back in the day. You talk about your Archbishop's summer residence whose bar tending priest became a Monsignor. It happened in our diocese too. We also don't have a Bishop's summer residence anymore. I think Taylor Swift bought it.

  5. I wish that you would stop comparing Ray-Ray to Truman Capote.
    Capote was just as weird but he was the most talented writer of his time.
    Ray-Ray is the most me think....mmm...oh, forget it.

    1. At least Capote was out and honest about who he was regarding his orientation. I have respect for that.
      They DO look and even sound alike.
      Great post Fr D!

  6. I judge you for being a One Direction fan.

    Anyone else think Francis is just really into feet?

    1. And who are you to judge? Judy? And even if the pope has a foot fetish, at least he is tossing women into the mix rather than a dozen prepubescent boys or twelve curia ass kissers.

    MUST SEE TV!!!!
    The Motown Merkin has a new, strapping young intern from Wagga Wagga Down Under. And he wants more!
    It's called the PAUSE program, and the men o' Pause are all committed to capturing the Merk on camera and in color, ohhhh yeeaaah!

    1. HA! One look at the young man that Missy V is mentoring...and...well...what could go wrong?

    2. Kathleen10 says:29 March 2015 at 2:55 pm
      As far as I’m concerned the world has gone mad and Michael Voris et al are helping to keep some sanity in it.

      We are all fucked.

  8. Oh dear:

    "Another splendid Chrism Mass yesterday! Celebrated as ever by the Nuncio, as the Holy Father's particular representative; a lovely piece of symbolism since it reminds us that canonically and ecclesiologically we are directly under the Sovereign Pontiff himself; a detached portion, you might say, of the Church of Urbs Roma herself, miraculously transplanted into this our land. To great applause (I have to admit we did become a trifle unliturgical in our exuberance) Archbishop Tony, as I have heard him called, assured us (and not just once!) of the very special affection in which Pope Francis holds us. Among the massed concelebrants, our six formerly Anglican bishops. And Keith was very persuasive on Mission ... Chrisma as the "Oil of Mission". What a privilege it is to be incardinated into this splendid body."

  9. Exuberant in giving each other the clap!! Or should I say rounds of applause? Clapping in CHURCH ! How Vatican 2 of them! (There might be some hope for the stuffy old queens yet.)

    1. When it comes to clapping for splendid bodies you can't beat the Fraudinariate.

    2. But wait, there's more fizzing and self-flagellation, and loving every minute of it, from old subsidized Gin & Tonic Queen herself:

      "How the Clergy did chatter, before and after. We are so far flung that we have a lot of catching up to do. I don't think I heard one little bit of bad news; just talk of growth ... and "How's your family?" ... and "I didn't hear about the Letter until it had gone to press" ... and "What a lot of laity this morning, and weren't they cheerful?" ... and "Thank you so much for your blog" (Thank YOU, dear Fathers.) The only hints of sadness were occasional reminiscences of those who had said they would join us on our journey into unity with Peter, but who drew back at the last moment. How much more we could be doing if only ...

      Perhaps we have spent too much time enjoying ourselves and not enough time in penitential prayer for them? I, for my part, plead guilty to that failing. God give them the grace to understand, and give to me the grace of self-denial."

      Posted by Fr John Hunwicke at 06:29

  10. Perhaps Rome will make good Anglicans out of them yet. Give them time!

    April fools? LOL!