Wednesday, December 31, 2014


Our brethren Down Under are already close to eight hours into the New Year. (They always do it sooner and better in Oz.)  
Moscow, just now as I type, is ringing it in.
Across the Pond it's three hours until midnight. While here in the Quasi Pseudo Semi Hermetic Archabbatial Community of Gyrovagues Sarabites and Dilettantes (oh my!) we're twelve hours away from the New Year.

Say a prayer, pop a cork, drink a toast.
God bless Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI!
God bless Pope Francis, gloriously reigning, with good health and long life!
God bless the readers of this blog, friendly and no so friendly, sisters and brothers all (like it or not)!
God bless those who love us and those who hate us.
God bless us all!
Now and Always.

Tuesday, December 30, 2014

LIFE OF WOMEN: Pontifical Council for Culture Video and Photo Project

Ewwww. Women. Disgusting!
Women thinking and expressing themselves?  Egad! 
Run away!  

Anytime the topic of women is discussed by those in authority in the Church, some traditionalists throw the usual Spittle Flecked Nutty over issues of women and the family.


Yeah, okay.  The clip is a bit weird.
The idea, is fantastic.
Imagine, Church officials listening to women.

#LIFEOFWOMENAt the Pontifical Council for Culture, in the Vatican, they have taken inspiration from Pope Francis’ openness and are reflecting on women’s cultures and the place for women in societies today, between equality and difference.At what point are we today, as women?I am sure you have asked yourself many times, who you are, what you do, what you think about your being a woman, your strengths, your difficulties, your body, and your spiritual life. If you want to, you can share your vision.Why not tell it with a one-minute film, or in a photo. Put your work online with the hashtag #LifeofWomen, and send a link to lifeofwomen2015@gmail.comIt could be chosen to be part of the opening event of a great meeting of cardinals and bishops in Rome in February 2015 and as part of a crowd-sourced film on YouTube.You have until 4 January to send in your materials.You are important!

Women, traditionalist, liberal, and just plain old Catholic of every rite and patrimony, should take this opportunity to let those in a position of authority in the Church to know about their experiences and outlooks. 

There are many issues that effect Catholic women that the Church does not often consider or discuss. This is an opportunity to have your voice heard.

Saturday, December 27, 2014

Christmas Ghosts of Papal Fanons (and Blog Posts) Past

Liturgical Fanonaddict?

Exactly two years ago, December 25th, His Holiness Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI celebrated the First Holy Mass of Christmas and he wore the fanon, hated by liberals and the ungodly, adored and elevated to a relic worthy of reverence by Katholic Krazies,  and just not understood nor really cared about at all, by the rest of us.

Perhaps when Georg and Guido were in the closet, they found one stashed away under the boxes storing the ostrich plume flabellum.  (If you think the fanon is ridiculous, the flabellum will... well, you know, make you totally bat crap Mundy, as we say around here.) 

Some believe Hard Identity Catholicism means faithfulness to the message of Gospel of Jesus Christ, the Word Incarnate, and the teachings of the Councils (even Vatican II) while others insist that it means restoring obscure liturgical gestures and tchotchkes.  Father D thinks that if the liturgical use of the fanon by Pope Francis will help anyone practice the the mercy and healing examples of our Lord Jesus as He demonstrated in the Gospels, by all means! 
Bring. It. On.

On another note from the ghosts of blog posts past, remember Father Zzzz encourages us all to be faithful to the Pope. 

"Where Peter goes, we follow." 

Father John Zuhlsdorf

Of course, we might ask ourselves, what did Father really mean by that?  ALWAYS follow the example of each Pope? Or did he only intend us to follow Pope Benedict XVI?   If that is the case, shouldn't  Zzz be retired to an old convent?  No matter, I guess! As I've written before, each Pope has given the Church something She was in need of.  Extremists will always take things too far one way or the other. The rest of us just have to carry on the best we are able, always thankful for the example of the successor of Saint Peter.  And, of course, thankful for the reminder given us by Father Zed.

In fact, what a great time to THANK FATHER Z with a Christmas Card!  YES!  Please, right now, send our dear brother FATHER a card offering your prayers for the good Father this holy season.  Maybe even close the card with the quote "Where Peter goes, we follow."  Or, "With the fraternal love and prayers of Father D" since I can't afford to send him a card myself as my donations and subscribers are even lower than his these days!

Reverend John Zuhlsdorf
6666 Odana Road   
(Hmmm. That is almost 666 Obama Road)
PMB #455
Madison, WI 53719-1012

Say, what's the plural of fanon?

Friday, December 26, 2014

December 26: On the feast of Stephen . . . "ye who now will bless the poor shall yourselves find blessing"

Good King Wenceslas looked out
on the feast of Stephen,
when the snow lay round about,
deep and crisp and even.
Brightly shown the moon that night,
though the frost was cruel,
when a poor man came in sight,
gathering winter fuel.

Hither, page, and stand by me.
If thou know it telling:
yonder peasant, who is he?
Where and what his dwelling?
Sire, he lives a good league hence,
underneath the mountain,
right against the forest fence
by Saint Agnes fountain.

Bring me flesh, and bring me wine.
Bring me pine logs hither.
Thou and I will see him dine
when we bear them thither.
Page and monarch, forth they went,
forth they went together
through the rude wind's wild lament
and the bitter weather.

Sire, the night is darker now,
and the wind blows stronger.
Fails my heart, I know not how -
I can go no longer.
Mark my footsteps my good page,
tread thou in them boldly:
Thou shalt find the winter's rage
freeze thy blood less coldly.

In his master's step he trod,
where the snow lay dented.
Heat was in the very sod
which the saint had printed.
Therefore, Christian men, be sure,
wealth or rank possessing,
ye who now will bless the poor
shall yourselves find blessing.

John Mason Neale (1818-1866)

Thursday, December 25, 2014

And just because I wouldn't be Father D if I didn't say . . .


not a scribe or pharisee in sight
no funereal faces
say, is this before or after those guys became bishops?

Merry Christmas to One and All!

Corde Natus ex Parentis
Aurelius Prudentius, 5th century
Tr. John Mason Neale, 1854 and Henry W. Baker, 1859

Of the Father’s love begotten, ere the worlds began to be,
He is Alpha and Omega, He the source, the ending He,
Of the things that are, that have been,
And that future years shall see, evermore and evermore!

O that birth forever blessèd, when the virgin, full of grace,
By the Holy Ghost conceiving, bare the Savior of our race;
And the Babe, the world’s Redeemer,
First revealed His sacred face, evermore and evermore!

This is He Whom seers in old time chanted of with one accord;
Whom the voices of the prophets promised in their faithful word;
Now He shines, the long expected,
Let creation praise its Lord, evermore and evermore!

O ye heights of heaven adore Him; angel hosts, His praises sing;
Powers, dominions, bow before Him, and extol our God and King!
Let no tongue on earth be silent,
Every voice in concert sing, evermore and evermore!

Thee let old men, thee let young men, thee let boys in chorus sing;
Matrons, virgins, little maidens, with glad voices answering:
Let their guileless songs re-echo,
And the heart its music bring, evermore and evermore!

Christ, to Thee with God the Father, and, O Holy Ghost, to Thee,
Hymn and chant with high thanksgiving, and unwearied praises be:
Honor, glory, and dominion,
And eternal victory, evermore and evermore!

Wednesday, December 24, 2014

A Blessed Christmas to All: Christ is Born! Glorify Him!

The Lord said to me:
you are my Son,
this day have I begotten you.

Psalm 2:7
Introit Antiphon: First Mass of Christmas

Kalenda: During the Holy Night of Christmas: The Nativity of Our Lord Jesus Christ


The Christmas Proclamation

25 December. The fourth day of the lunar month.

Innumerable ages having passed since the creation of the world,
when in the beginning God created Heaven and earth
and formed man in his own image;

many more centuries after the Flood,
when the Most High placed his rainbow in the heavens
as a sign of the covenant and of peace;

from the migration of Abraham, our father in faith,
from Ur of the Chaldeans,
twenty-one centuries;

from the Exodus of the people of Israel out of Egypt,
led by Moses,
thirteen centuries;

from the anointing of David as King,
about one thousand years;

in the sixty-fifth week according to the prophecy of Daniel;

in the year of the one hundred and ninety-fourth Olympiad;

from the founding of the City of Rome,
seven hundred and fifty-two years;

in the rule of Caesar Octavian Augustus,
the forty-second year;

the whole world being at peace:

JESUS CHRIST, the Eternal God, the Eternal Father’s Son,
being pleased by His coming to consecrate the world,
by the Holy Spirit conceived,
nine months having passed since His conception,
in Bethlehem of Judah was born of the Virgin Mary,
and became man.



First Vespers of Christmas: The Nativity of Our Lord Jesus Christ

Hymn at First Vespers of Christmas
The Nativity of Our Lord Jesus Christ

Christe, Redemptor omnium
c. 6th century
Tr. John Mason Neale (1818-1866)

1. Jesu, the Father’s Only Son,
Whose death for all redemption won;
Before the worlds of God most High
Begotten all ineffably.

2. The Father’s Light and Splendor Thou,
Their endless Hope to Thee that bow;
Accept the prayers and praise to-day
That through the world Thy servants pay.

3. Salvation’s Author, call to mind
How, taking form of humankind,
Born of a Virgin undefil'd,
Thou in man’s flesh becam’st a Child.

4. Thus testifies the present day,
Through every year in long array,
That Thou, Salvation’s source alone,
Proceededst from the Father’s throne.

5. Whence sky, and stars, and sea’s abyss,
And earth, and all that therein is,
Shall still, with laud and carol meet,
The Author of Thine Advent greet.

6. And we who, by Thy precious Blood
From sin redeem'd, are marked for God,
On this the day that saw Thy Birth,
Sing the new song of ransomed earth.

7. For that Thine Advent glory be,
O Jesu, Virgin-born, to Thee;
With Father, and with Holy Ghost,
From men and from the heavenly host. Amen

Friday, December 19, 2014

OUTRAGEOUS PAPAL INITIATIVES CONTINUE: Francis Celebrates 78th Birthday By Giving 400 Sleeping BagsTo Homeless

As if happy couples doing the tango (an obscenely intimate dance practiced by primitive Third World hedonists) wasn't bad enough, and helping to broker peace between estranged nations, and celebrating the Taizé communion service rather than The Eternally Timeless Mass Of All The Endless Ages (well, at least since 1570), Pope Francis ("Bergoglio" as the devoutly reverential and eccleisally docile Trid-Trads of the Krazy Katholic blogosphere refer to him) celebrated his 78th Birthday . . . 


by asking the Papal Almoner, Archbishop Konrad Krajewski, to distribute 400 sleeping bags to Rome's homeless poor. He was assisted by those few Swiss Guards who were not involved by the Vatican's Gay Lobby in the plot to force Benedict XVI's resignation.

Although traditionally attired in Monsignorial fuchsia while performing official duties as a papal MC, Krajewski was known to spend his free-time in such non-clerical (and therefore non-Fr-Z approved) activities as feeding the hungry, clothing the destitute, visiting the sick and imprisoned . . . "You could tell he was trouble . . . 

. . . dangerously casual," was how one Curial veteran described him. "But then what did you expect, given who promoted him to Archbishop and gave him that important post that one of us should have gotten - signing those parchment Papal Blessings that keep a shitload of shekels rolling in?"

"And remember how Bergoglio just showed up at Krajewski's consecration? House-cassock! Grubby modernist stole from the sacristy! Just got in line and laid on hands! And did you see the motto on his coat-of-arms? Who chooses his motto from the title of a Cardinal Kasper book?"

Speaking of books, Madison's homeless poor this Christmas are hugely in luck! They'll be enjoying free personal copies of THE BOOK to be passed out at homeless shelters and curbsides and alleyways all over Madison! THE BOOK!

Nah, not that book, not the Bible. THE BOOK: "STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE OR GO TO HELL: The Eternally Beatific Upside to Enduring a Miserable Earthly Marriage." An enlightening collection of practical how-to strategies for warring husbands and wives by a committee of (mostly) celibate clerics, some of whom know actual husbands and wives. Yeah, baby! Roast your chestnuts by an open fire with the help of this page-turner!

Elsewhere the Krazy Kath blogosphere has announced that loudspeakers will be set up outside churches in New York City where the True Mass is being offered by formerly utterly null and absolutely void convert clergy with wives and facial hair, so that the city's homeless can listen to Palestrina's famed "Missa Beati Pauperes for 47 Voices and a Half Dozen Organists". More tidings of comfort and joy: Free podcasts of the Gaudete Sunday Sermon: "REJOICE? My Ass!" are still available!

Begoglio and his sleeping bags? Bah, humbug! (Although, in a nod to tradition, the sleeping bags are said to be embossed with the papal crest. That should count from something with the Krazies, ecclesiastical heraldry being one of the major preoccupations of that krowd . . . right after damask and catafalques).

Of course my parish will be more like this:

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Happy Birthday, Holy Father!

We're lighting ALL 78 CANDLES!

Just to balance off the 78,000 voodoo pins being stuck into Pope Francis dolls
all over the Katholic Krazy blogosphere.

Ad multos annos, Holy Father!

There was a birthday cake,
some Argentine mate to drink,
 and even some dangerously intimate displays of human affection and heartfelt joy on the part of many in the festive crowd.

(Pope reportedly likes the Tango . . . shhhh)

No Katholic Krazies (especially no Konverts)
were in any way injured by the fun and frivolity depicted here
(although we continue to relish the thought of how all this must eliminate any need they may ever have had for laxatives)

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Dear Father: Your Q's and My Big Fat A's On Animals In Heaven

I'm sure you can imagine that many of the poor ignorant paying laity are rather confused in this time of troubles and temptations of mercy and compassion.  Father D does his best to answer the many questions that enter his In Box.  Here is just one such Q and A.

Dear Faddah D:
I'm all silly willy sad and mad by the recent talk about dogs going to heaven. I watch the morning shows from New York while washing down my first two Xanax of the day with my coffee, and everyone this morning  seemed so slap happy silly and joyful by what the Pope had apparently said, whether it was accurately reported or not. I must confess that I am getting all mixed up in my head trying to keep up with all the new wild and  things coming out of Rome, especially all the bizarre stuff about God being merciful and forgiving and actually liking the people He made. We're Roman Catholics. We're not supposed to be slap happy about what the Pope says. We're supposed to be in fear and trembling of burning in the fires of Heck. Right?  Can you help me understand what is going on? Shouldn't the Pope at least be telling scared crying kids that their dead pets are in limbo with their stillborn brothers and sisters and that nice old Christian Science man that used to drive the school bus?  I mean I know I can get my grandmother out of Purgatory by sending money to your website where you show pictures of priests in vestments that look a lot like what my grandmother used to use to upholster her couch. But she was Catholic. But my dead gerbil was nothing (but by the way did not practice birth control and I mean big time did not practice it unlike some oversexed Catholics I know). Can I tell my daughter that her goldfish will go to heaven and be with her? Or should she be forced to face the reality that even she will have trouble getting in to Paradise, never mind the silly fish?
Puppy-Pooped  in Provo


Upon consulting canon lawyers and theologians in my acquaintance, Father D herein replies . . . 

Nah, wait a minute.

You know, I was going to type a big long complicated convoluted response like the RetRorate Onion did. 
Or here. Seems like all clergy online are asking themselves are being asked this question.

But the hell with it. It's Saturday night and there's a Sam Adams' Seasonal waiting at the pub down the street with my name on it. Actually there's several.

So let's just be real, OK?

No layperson, except perhaps someone in residential treatment (and therefore without computer access) gives a rat's ass or a stray shit about any of the made-up questions he posts at that increasingly schismatic website and then wastes zigabytes of bandwidth tortuously answering. Only a former absolutely null and utterly void control freak, who thought the Catholic Church was the last bastion of gloom and doom and clerical authority, could come up with that crap.

Certainly no cradle Catholic, who once upon a time had to listen to tons of that kind of baloney and is grateful to have lived long enough to see it shredded by Pope Francis in the celestial grinder of God's mercy cares anything about any of it. 

Normal Catholics are over-the-moon happy at Pope Francis' exercise of his ministry as Successor of Peter. Period. For everyone else, there's Econe. Lovely this time of year.

Time for an exorcism of that website.

Friday, December 12, 2014


I turned on the TV tonight and found that Pope Francis has been caught being nice again.

Apparently, Francis consoled a little boy whose dog had died by suggesting that there's room in heaven for all God's creatures.

RetRorate Grinches to the rescue!

UPDATE: Speaking of Krazy Konverts:
[amazing how much time "married" clergy have to explore their hatred of Pope Francis!] 

Hey, if there isn't room in the Church for all kinds of people, then there sure as hell (pardon the pun) isn't room in Heaven for any animals!

Anyhow, everyone knows that only Krazy Katholic Konverts go to heaven (alleged wives, unsightly facial hair, homemade liturgies, abrogated Masses, obnoxiously pretentious personalities and all).

Must be a fun place, eh?

Thursday, December 11, 2014

Fr. D to priests going to Rome for the Jan ’16 CCC conference (or other reason)

I have wanted to attend the Confraternity of Catholic Clergy conference in Rome from 5-9 January.  I’m doing travel arrangements right now with this poor puppy who hasn't been the same since he served my Mass in the Roman catacombs 20 years ago. We've been ripping laity off left and right - well, mostly right and far right for the last three pontificates (and I sure could use some donations for it… As I am essentially a free agent (which actually means I don't do ANYTHING for free!), I don’t get continuing education allowances, etc.  The wavy flag will help you to help me even though I've been boasting that "this one's on me" for a week. (As always, brain-dead laity, the joke's on you!)

The line up for the Conference looks pretty good.  Father Ca$h-in Fullofhimself and The Druids of Nausea will be there peddling their beer along with the Cloistered Camaldolese Nuns of Santa Dragomira the Warrior Nun of Upper Bosnia Convent and Residential Tune-Up Center who will be showing off their new line of underarm deodorant (but not their old line of under arm hair). I am not sure about registration at this date and I believe the hotel/conference center where it is taking place no longer have rooms, but there are short-let apartments and other, clerical places and convents, and always the toilet stalls at the Termini.

Anyway… perhaps there is the chance of a blognic in Rome. An excellent opportunity for seminarians of all kinds (tap-dancing sensations, that means you!!!!) to see what a real priest is like! Hint hint: You can't beat an evening of free beer and snacks on the laity.

All alcoholic blessings will be usus antiquior
by Father Michele Rodney, Latin-Mass Biker & Bear Chaplain.

Also, I am thinking of a short let apartment.  I could be persuaded to share a 2-bedroom with a priest whom I know (or a 1-bedroom with dim lighting with a priest I don't know). But the closet window is closing.

The benefits of sharing a place with me, is that I can teach you how to modify tactical clerical shirts.

Applicant should be into priestly fraternity.
Nothing like spending an evening in and hanging out:

(sung Compline includes communal taking of the discipline
according to the usus antiquior - if you get my drift).

Must be Pro-Life.

Sense of community helpful, though not always healthy.

Cooking skills are always a plus.
We can take turns.

I'll take pics of the food and post them!

C'mon, I know you wanna be roomies...

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

December 12: Our Lady of Guadalupe at the Vatican

Having "honored" Our Lady (December 8) with a massive display of throne-sniffing and a 28-piece ensemble of laity-paid-for drapes-turned-into-pretentiously-ugly-and-pompously-grotesque vestments, Fr. Z wastes no time getting back to his idea of normal and business-as-usual:

I am reminded of the claim that it will be, must be, the Latin American Church to breathe life into the tired old Church in the old Northern Hemisphere. Yeah, right.
* Sigh * Read the whole sorry mess here (if you need some Advent penance).
We'd rather prepare for Friday's Feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe at the Vatican (being celebrated as a Solemnity) by the first Latin American Pope.

Presiding at the 6:00 PM (Rome time) Spanish-language Eucharist in Saint Peter's, Pope Francis will honor the Patroness of the Americas "asking her intercession for the evangelization of her peoples, for their growth in humanity and for the building up of conditions of peace, justice and unity among the sister nations."
At 4:45 PM (Rome time), the image of Our Lady of Guadalupe will be solemnly carried into the basilica, together with the flags of all nations of the Americas, the "Guadalupe Rosary" will be prayed and an Advent devotion, accompanied by songs from the popular tradition of Latin America.
Holy Mass will be accompanied by the songs of the Misa Criolla by the Argentine composer Ariel Ramírez, under the direction of his son, Facundo Ramírez, with the collaboration of his musical ensemble, soloist Patricia Sosa, and the Roman choral group, "Musica Nuova." Coincidently, it is precisely 50 years since Ariel Ramírez presented this Mass setting, then newly-composed, to Blessed Paul VI. The setting is known to be a favorite of Francis who always presented a CD of the original Ariel Ramirez version as a gift to bishops and Cardinals who came to visit him in Buenos Aires.
The Vatican booklet for Friday's celebration is online here.

And a sample of the Misa Criolla Gloria is here:

The full original Ariel Ramirez version is here:

Because you live again, O Rose
Who bloomed in Guadalupe's snows,
In this your image, flow'ring fair,
Our songs as flowers fill the air.

O Virgin, Rose in brambles grown,
Who chose this people for your own,
Your flowering image glorifies
The tangled brushwood of our lives.

God made you lovely past compare,
You life was one unfolding prayer;
And then He fashioned you again,
An image which He gave to men.

We pray, protect us as your own
And intercede at Heaven's throne;
While here we kneel before your face,
Send down a ray of saving grace.

adapted from the ancient 'Abatal' of 1532
by Sister M. Francis, PC and M. Owen Lee, CSB