Wednesday, August 27, 2014

LITURGY CONFERENCE (AND GRAND BUFFET) WITH FATHER JUAN DUZUHLDORF


The month of październik is shaping up to be rather busy for your humble host, your  internet shepherd, blogger extraordinaire, me, Father D. You can't scrape up the four grand (that $4000.00 US) to join us on the Rometoberfest, perhaps you can cash in some tin cans or hitch hike a ride to the Century City for a liturgical conference and grand buffet.

Mark your calendars for the first weekend of October (3-5) for a sacred liturgy conference conducted by Fr. Juan Todd  Duzuhldorf o{]=o) ("Father D") of What Does The Priest Really Do All Day (aka Father D's Blog) at St. Jan z Kęt Oratory. Dinner, a (o so brief) Conference and Holy Mass and Divine Office continuing throughout the ENTIRE weekend. (And we ain't kidding!)

NOTE: Not to be confused with a similar event being simulated by some wandering priest in a similar city in a similar parish of a similar name.

Conference Master, Principle Celebrant,
Homilist and Executive Chef, Father D.
Tentative Schedule

6:00-6:30 AM Breakfast (Low, Ordinary Form)

6:30-9:00 AM Breakfast (Solemn High, Extraordinary Form: bacon, sausage, and marinated steak tips a la Romanitá).

9:00-9:15 AM Prime, Terce, Sext, None (recto tono)

9:15-10:30 AM Coffee Break, featuring Mystic Monk monastic bean grinding, coffee brewing, accompanied by home-made Danish provided by contemplative nuns who will be "enclosed" in a special walk-in cooler attached to the kitchen but separated from the all male participants by a grille. (Remember Fr's motto: All Male Service At the Altar / All Female Service for Unsavory Tasks in Kitchen, Laundry and Restrooms).

10:30-11:30 AM Conference: "Conning the Laity Into Paying Father's First Class Air Fares"

11:30 AM-12:00 Noon Vespers and Compline livecast from the strictly-cloistered satellite-ready Monks of Norcia, followed by simultaneous monastic-beer drinking in Europe and at Conference site

12:00 Noon - 2 PM Lunch (1950's Rectory style, Ordinary Form: meaning 8 courses concluding with 50 year old cognac and cigars)

2:00-3:00 PM Sacerdotal Siesta (Laity will be assigned some menial labor at this time)

3:00-3:30 PM Matins and Lauds (anticipated)

3:30-4:30 PM Conference: Drawing Up An Amazon Wish List That Brings Most Bang For Your Buck.  Clergy and Seminarians ONLY(Laity may will browse Father's Amazon Wishlist and make purchases during this time)

4:30-5:30 PM Happy Hour (closed to public: Drink the Red, etc)

5:30-8:00 PM Gourmet Meal prepared under the direction of Fr D and enjoyed by all the Fathers and Seminarians (laity and religious women, and other ontologically inferior species will be bussed to the nearby McDonalds)

8:00-10:00 PM Papal-Hate Blogging Workshop: guest leaders Mundabor and Reverend Mother M. John Cunniwicke 

10:00-10:05 PM Rosary and Consecration of the World to the Immaculate Heart of Mary

10:05-12:00 Midnight Night Caps (all Liquors certified 25 years +)(Free to clerics sub-deacon and above.  Other may imbibe for an additional fee)

12 comments:

  1. I know that bow ties and facial hair are required of laymen attending, crew cuts and rimless SS style glasses for the Hitlerjugen TLM types, but it would be helpful for us who are called to a higher status (seminarians and clerics) to know which events are "choir dress" and which ones are just "long black dress." Also will there my manly clerical entertainment? I'd like to suggest the Tap Dancing Future Bishops of the USA team from the North American College:

    http://youtu.be/UdYDKmpzt5U

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    1. That youtube of the dancing seminarians had me howling.
      I am glad to see that the new seminarians are really MANLY and BUTCH these days. It is obvious that all of the homosexuals have been kicked out of the seminaries. This youtube is proof of that.

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    2. Mel Brooks imagined something as humorous as that vid of the dancing seminarians in the original, 1968 movie "The Producers".
      " One-two-THREE-turn, turn-turn-KICK turn "

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    3. Do I need to pack my black ferraiuolo? Will there be a Scotch tasting?

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    4. When I was a young seminarian, we used to think the smartest candidates got sent to the NAC. Until we saw which of our classmates they sent. Brains counted far less than blonde hair and blue eyes (it also helped, with one Bishop we had, if you played hockey). Failing looks, or in addition to them, was the groveling kiss-ass personality.

      Funny thing is they came back really no smarter than the rest of us, but with much nicer clothes and vestments. Now they're the cuff-link crowd at Chancery, dining in the city's most expensive restaurants, surgically attached to the no-heavy-lifting jobs. Also, mourning Benedict XVI's resignation and able to celebrate the old Latin Mass anytime. For a hefty stipend and gas money of course!

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  2. Don't forget the special event: "Big bishops in bigger mitres"

    http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-DHF-H0rfq7o/U_1qxeIlvGI/AAAAAAAAe4U/ePhz88CBk5w/s1600/10556482_319052964939161_3676183380305993749_n.jpg

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  3. Clearly, another pre-Vatican II devotee who's much more into prayer than fasting!

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  4. "2:00-3:00 PM Sacerdotal Siesta (Laity will be assigned some menial labor at this time)"

    I would cry laughing at this brilliance if not for the fact that I'm crying that Z and his boys actually do think this way.

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  5. Pssst . . . yo, Fr D! Don't look now but Mundabor's reading every word. And she's not well. It's getting krazier and krazier over there. Which means nastier and nastier. Lots of noise in Mommy's basement!

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  6. lol @ "Drink the Red". :-D

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  7. /Slow clap...

    Well done, sir. A direct hit.

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  8. That must be the most accurate high church daily clerical schedule I have ever seen. Bravo!

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