Thursday, December 27, 2012

Reynaldo's Christmas

When Reynaldo told me he was going to spend Christmas at a gathering that involved singing, dancing and special clothes, naturally I thought he was participating in some ethnic religious Christmas customs back in his little Mexican village ... perhaps special choir robes sewn by his friends' devoted mamacitas, charming - though primitive - Folk Carols about the birth of the Baby Jesus, ethnic religious dances, which that simple population seems so fond of .....

When he wrote to say he and the other muchachos from the village had been up all night, I naturally presumed some sort of vigil followed by an endless Midnight Mass ...

Well, he's sent along this video, and I must say, although I prefer more traditional Christmas fare, a performance like this at the Fathers' Festive Feast sure would have jingled our bells and decked our halls.

And it's amazingly similar to something the gang at the NAC was practicing before that damn visitation came along.

I was glad to see that at least Reynaldo was wearing the little gold cross I gave him last year .... that bright little dangling thing caught my eye ! 

Wednesday, December 26, 2012


Father really does not have time to post a recipe or do any real blogging, but as you know, Father ALWAYS has time to snap a few pics of his plenteous plates while feeding his face on a feast.

Gathering with some very fine fellows, here is a photo montage of our very fine festal feast.

Of course we started off with soup.  Two choices.  Guess which one is mine?

And one can't have soup without bread or rolls now can they?

For some reason these weren't all that popular with the boys.

Who doesn't like to have their salad tossed?  What joy!  Of course this year without my dear Reynaldo around to toss the salad for everyone like he did last year, it just wasn't the same.

A couple of the guys are not opposed to a piece of fresh young snapper on occasion.

While there was plenty of snapper left over, with half dozen of there, we were certain to suck up all the available meat with and the abundant amount of sauce.

 A good meal requires a good wine.  After sopping up all that sauce everyone of us sat back and enjoyed our dry sack to the fullest.

 A nice complement to the wine is indeed a cheese course.

The old phrase is “Anything worth doing, is worth over-doing.” Any Holiday meal I am involved in is going to include my big spotted dick,  Supine Farm style.

 Of course the less refined are not used to fresh dick.  For years Reynaldo wouldn't touch my spotted dick no matter how fresh it was, preferring the spongy old kind he was used to in Mexico.

How I miss him.

 We do it all up right.  Soup to nuts.

With plenty of sweets to suite everyone's taste and preference

Friday, December 21, 2012

Tis The Season

Here at the Supine Farm, we're in full steam ahead for the Triduum which is the Fourth Sunday of Advent, Vigil of the Nativity and of course, the grand feast itself, Christmas, the Feast of the Nativity of the Birth, in the flesh, of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  Following proper liturgical practice (and general good taste) our manger is empty in anticipation of receiving the Word made flesh, Emmanuel, God with us.

It's a busy time of year.  Though others may have time to blog their every move and random passing thought, I have actual work to do in preparation with no Reynaldo to assist me, nor any fine young men like those at the Pontifical North American College.  Just myself and the old German housekeeper who really doesn't do all that much to be truthful. 

 To the Seminarians at the NAC:  a blessed and Merry Christmas to you and yours.  You are some of the best and the brightest the Church has.  Many of you will become leaders, possibly bishops,  or God forbid-- chancery officials.  No matter what your future holds, remember to keep you sense of humor.  It will save your sanity, if you have any left by the time you reach ordination.  If you have traditional inclinations, remember that such Tradition comes from over two thousand years of spiritual life.  It is that which gives meaning-- even life-- to the rite and ritual.  Embrace it. Live it-- but with openness and compassion.  

For those of you that have not finished your Christmas shopping, remember the Rector can always use a box of cigars or a bottle of Clairol brown number three.  

 He might think the roots look distinguishing, but they are screaming old troll!  You have a charitable obligation to help him out.  'Tis the season after all!

If he is anything like his niece Janice from Dunellen, NJ he might hiding some rocking tattoos under that soutane.  Don't ask, don't tell. 

To all the venerable presbyters who visit here, no matter which rite you use, I wish you too, a Merry and Blessed Christmas!  In the midst of your planning and running around, between answering the phone ("Yes, Midnight Mass is actually at midnight") decorating the sanctuary, providing some last moment assistance to that family that can't quite make the Feast on their own, remember, you will have a moment to breathe and relax.  Of course that won't happen until after the last Mass on the 25th, or maybe even the 26th, but there will be a moment or two or peace. (Unless you're visiting family out of town,  then forget it. You're screwed.)


I'll be back after the Feast of the Circumcision.    

Thursday, December 20, 2012


Why won't the NcR make "the unassigned priest" Person of the Year?

I have been with child to know whom the National catholic Reporter (aka Fishwrap) would select as their Person of the Year.
As you will remember, for the last two years they have supported the Magisterium of Nuns.  The first year, they picked Sr. Carol Keehan, head of the Catholic Health Association, who gave cover to catholic Democrats in Congress so that they could vote in favor of Obamacare and thus force tax-payers and Catholic institutions to pay for abortion, contraception, etc.  Last year they chose Sr. Elizabeth Johnson, who writes theology so weird that the USCCB got on her case.

This year there is only ONE REAL CHOICE. As always, I am asking you, in my humility, to vote for ME.  I am amazed at my self for not thinking of it sooner.  Flood the NcR mail boxes with pictures of ME Father Zzzzzzzzz for person of the year!

 But before you go do that, please kindly visit Father's Amazon Wishlist or send Father a small cash donation.  You know it's the right thing to do.

Tuesday, December 18, 2012


OK, you know that, poor as the Holy Family at Bethlehem here at the Supine Farm, even with the good services of my own Little Drummer Boy Reynaldo, Father is most grateful for those devoted and submissive laity who visit my Amazon Wishlist to dump into my anointed hands those goodies I so richly deserve by reason of my ontological identity - which also frees me from the need of providing for myself ....

But someone's screwing around with my Amazon Wishlist ... and I learned this dogmatically defined truth a long time ago: you can screw up any service, screw around with anyone - don't you dare screw with the $$$!!!!

Add to that: or with Father's Wishlist:
OK, so who's the joker that resulted in THIS being delivered to the Supine Farm ...

At least you gave me an idea for Reynaldo's Stocking Stuffer ... if you get my drift.

And, I will figure out who you are. 

No one gets away with trying to hose me over.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

A hard working priest needs his rest

wherein Father D. rants.

The Reverend Father John Todd Zuhlsdork works exceptionally hard for a presbyter that has no real canonical assignment. His discipline in his daily prayer and devotions, including offering Mass for tho$e who donate or send variou$ gift$ from Amazon.  His deep baritone podca$ts to encourage the flow of tithe$ and offering$.

Several have taken me to task for a lack a charity.  While, my charity does not extend to giving the self appointed mendicant gifts of cash and prizes from the wishlist, it is sincere.  Quite frankly, in addition to the expansion of his belt size his head has been expanding at almost double the rate of his pant size.  As one of my loyal readers commented in encouraging me to resurrect this blog, "he needs to be reminded who he is."  I can't agree more. 

He is an unassigned priest, residing outside of his own diocese living (rather comfortably it seems) off the constant begging he engages in via his blog.  Not only does he make provide for his basic needs, he travels the world and the country on the dime of others. 

Rome, England, New York City are just a few of the places he has been recently.  Ask your pastor or parochial vicar where he went on his last vacation.  Most likely he will tell you he drove in his own car, paying for his own gas, (and crappy fast food meals along the way) to visit with either a family member or a brother priest.  Ask him if he has plans to go to Rome (twice) and London in the next twelve months and he will probably laugh. (Unless he comes from a wealthy family.)

 I remember an old priest from my home parish as a child arrived as pastor driving a kelly green  Olds Cutlass, which he continued to drive for at least twelve years.  Only when members of the parish essentially forced Father to accept the gift of a new car, he would only concede to it providing that it be a used vehicle.  So much money was raised that they could have bought him two brand new cars.  When they presented him with a check for the remaining money, he signed it over to the parish.

Of course the one thing we can rely on Father Z to do is to follow the liturgical texts to the letter.  When he is not drinking the red and doing the black, (or brown in the case of Reynaldo) he is doing the red and saying the black.

Pay attention you seminarians from the NAC with an interest in the Extraordinary Form of the Roman Rite.  You're going learn something you won't find in Fortescue and O'Connell. If you are completing the canonical hours of the the Usus Antiquior at their assigned times (or as near as possible as you are able) you are entitled according to the rubrics (as revised by Good Pope Blessed John XXIII) allowed a period of canonical rest, immediately after Prime (or Terce) just prior to Mass, providing you follow the proper liturgical form for doing so. 

In his kindness the immeasurably omniscient Father Zzzzzzzzzz has agreed to demonstrate the proper form for this liturgical siesta of the Extraordinary Form of the Roman Rite. (Later abolished by Paul VI & John Paul II who were both work-a-holics)

Father Zzzzz demonstrates the proper form for the liturgical siesta according to the Extraordinary Form of the Roman Rite.

 Buy Father a bag of Mystic Monk Coffee will you? 

Someone Had a Sense of Humor

I don't think that chain rings the sacristy bell

Monday, December 10, 2012

Total Eclipse of Something

This is cool.
It was recorded at my old seminary.  I was responsible for the videography, mixing and editing.
The red head is my old seminary roommate. Or a guy named Phil. I can't remember.

Father Was A Flautist

EDITORIAL NOTE: This post, almost word for word appeared on Father Zzzz's Blog back in December 2012. All I did was change the pictures, video and maybe a couple words. This was the finished product. (For better or worse.)  Within 24 hours Zzzz man removed his post. (For better or worse.) 

The best post really do write themselves. 

Out of the blue someone, an anonymous reader, cruelly [not really], sent me this.  It includes the last piece of music I ever performed in public.

Frankly, I had a clearer, brighter sound from my Haynes.  I had an edge that was not quite others in my day. Rampal, with whom I once did a master class, remarked: like a “needle”.

I was, originally, going to be a professional musician.

My career as a pro musician was slowed by an accident.  I obtained, one fine autumn day, some 20 stitches in my lower lip. That slowed me down. I got interested in other things… such as the Catholic Church.

Anyway, I played this piece in the chapel of the St. Paul Seminary once upon a time, after I had been thrown out.  I was “deselected” but, the bastards, they still wanted me to play.

I put the flute away, after that last sounding in the seminary chapel. I have never blown a serious note since.

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Can We Talk? Can We?

Can we blog?
You might think Fathers only guilty pleasures are wine, scotch, cigars, imported food stuffs, expensive restaurants and world travel on the other people's dime.
I have a secret.
I love Joan Rivers.
Don't Start. Father already knows.

But Father, but Father!  She's a WOMAN!
Father knows. 

But Father, but Father!  She's a Jew!
Father knows.

But Father, but Father! She has a foul mouth.
Father knows.
Father knows just about everything. Just ask me and I will tell you.
Why else would you send me thousands of dollars each month in cash and gifts?  Because I know.  I know what you want to hear, and I tell you.    

Read the interview here. Joan Rivers: Why Johnny Carson 'Never Ever Spoke to Me Again'

Joan get's me. She "get's" this blog.  Joan, call Father! We'll do lunch!

" comedy, if you can tell a joke, they will gather around your deathbed. If you’re funny, you’re funny. Isn’t that wonderful?
If there is a secret to being a comedian, it’s just loving what you do. It is my drug of choice. I don’t need real drugs. I don’t need liquor. It’s the joy that I get performing. That is my rush. I get it nowhere else."

He Found Jesus

Two longtime friends of the Supine Farm and frequent visitor's to Father's Amazon Wish List (have you visited yet) were very happy to hear that their college son, whom they thought had no interest in Jesus, had in fact FOUND JESUS - and even given his life to Jesus! File under: Be careful what you pray for!

As much as I have wanted Reynaldo to attend Mass more often, I hope he never finds Jesus.

In other newzzzzzz..

QUAERITUR: Do I fulfill my 8 December Holy Day Mass obligation on Saturday and my Sunday obligation by going to Mass on Saturday evening?

I am getting a lot of questions about fulfilling the Mass obligation on the upcoming Saturday afternoon, the Solemnity of the Immaculate Conception.
For example,
Would it fulfill my obligation for the Solemnity to attend vigil Mass on Saturday afternoon/evening even though the vigil is considered to replace Sunday Mass? In other words, could I attend vigil Mass Saturday evening to fulfill my obligation for the Solemnity and then attend Sunday morning Mass to fulfill my obligation for Sunday?
The Code of Canon Law for the Latin Church says:
can. 1248 1. The precept of participating in the Mass is satisfied by assistance at a Mass which is celebrated anywhere in a Catholic rite either on the holy day or on the evening of the preceding day.
As I read this, yes, you fulfill the obligation for both by attending the one Mass on Saturday evening.  The law does not specify that you have to attend Mass according to a certain formula to fulfill the obligation.  It says you have to attend Mass.  Period.  Given that we must interpret law in such a way that we favor people and give them more flexibility rather than less, I would say, yes, you fulfill the obligation.  First, you are attending Mass on the Holy Day, which is Saturday.  Second, since it is in the evening, the law says you fulfill your obligation for the Sunday. I disagree.  But the liberal hippy dippy happy clappy folks at the USCCB have not responded to my several dozen email attempts to change their minds.  As I am sure you know, the world would be a  much better place if I were a bishop.

I disagree with the USCCB, but being the HUMBLE priest that I am, I will defer.

The Bottom line is this folks.  Father really does not care if you attend one Mass or two, as long as your envelopes  for BOTH Masses arrive in the acceptable time frame. *
*(That's known as the Cranston Canon)


 Father Zzzzzzzzz with his ticket to join the Nuns on the Bus tour. 
(Has he taken the part time chaplain position they had open?)

We understand that sincere congratulations are in order for the Big Zzzzzzzzzzz!

Our brother priest has been named as PRESIDENT of the Tridentine Mass Society of Madison.

How wonderful!  Perhaps he is on his way to an actual assignment in the Diocese of Madison?

We have also become aware that the good Father has had to vacate his beloved Farm and that his new location has many fewer birds hence the lack of the Feeder Feed.

We DO take great joy in keeping on the cutting edge of all things Father Zzzzzzzzzz.  Have some news to share?  Maybe a personal anecdote having actually met the man, the myth, the legend?  Perhaps a recent photo from a blognic or some other fun event?

Email me.  (fatherjtd (at) gmail (dot) com.  I keep all sources confidential. But I do like to be able to verify whenever I am able. So include as much info as possible.  I'll be sure to edit any information that might reveal your identity.  

Any blog readers in Italy hear anything lately?  Do tell!

Any news from the NAC?  Drop me a line.  

Tuesday, December 4, 2012


I am having lunch in NYC… with my mother, who happens to be here.
Mamma had the Ukrainian Borscht followed by the Roasted Beet and Goat Cheese Salad.
I had the Borscht and the Ukrainian Keilbasa with pierogi.  (I just love sausage!)

We took in some of the sights

and we ended the afternoon with Ma's favorite, Martinis followed by cheap port and cigars.

 Ma had a really good time

My aunts joined us once they heard we were visiting their favorite cigar bar.

Monday, December 3, 2012

A Clue

Here's a clue, since you obviously do not have one.

If you want to be mollycoddled click your way on over to Father Zzz's blog, click the DONATE button, the register as a user so the control freak knows who you are and where you live, THEN agree with everything he writes, gush over his cooking segments, swoon over his smugness and your world will be a-okay for you.  

If you want a does of real ecclesiastical life, stick with me.  I'll tell you how it is.  Been there. Done that. Got the tee shirt, working on the hat.  I've worked in a parish, SURVIVED the chancery, lived in a monastery, and way back when worked and scratched my way through seminary. 

Cynical? Bitter? Angry?  Yes. No. No.
Love the Church and the priesthood.

Like to laugh?  This is the place for you.  MAYBE, just maybe,  between the lines of sarcasm, and irreverent wit, you just might be able to glean a hint of wisdom and a smidgen of sanctity.  Don't count on it, but look for it.  We might both be surprised!

If you are a home schooling mom or a hardworking husband with a devoted wife, a half dozen children and another on the way, this is not the blog for you.  Totter on over the NFP website and print out their online guide. 

For those of you that like what you see here, check back every three days or so. Unlike Father Zzzzzzz, Father D has an actual assignment with the accompanying responsibilities.  As much as I would love to sit at home all day and blog every thought, tittle and butt scratch, I can't.  If you know a priest that updates his blog more than  twice (or thrice) daily, he has way too much time on his hands. Write to his bishop so he can be given a supplemental apostolate.