Thursday, November 29, 2012

Priestly Begging: What Do People Think?

A well known internet priest constantly begging for money for a new computer or airline tickets, everyday living expenses, as well as a variety of items on his Amazon Wishlist.  I have been disturbed by this and I wondered if anyone else shared my thoughts.  So, I looked around.



Seems I'm not the only that occasionally says what the flock when in comes to Father Zzzzzzzzzz and his constant money grubbing.

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Advent Preparations at the Supine Farm




Once again this year, I’ve had requests for my Vodka Christmas Cake recipe so here goes.  Please keep in your files as I am beginning to get tired of typing this up every year! (Made mine this morning!!!!)


1 cup sugar,
1 tsp. baking powder,
1 cup water,
1 tsp. salt,
1 cup brown sugar,
Lemon juice,
4 large eggs,
2 bags of Nuts,
1 bottle Vodka,
2 cups dried fruit.


Sample a cup of Vodka to check quality.  Take a large bowl, check the Vodka again to be sure it is of the highest quality then Repeat.  Turn on the electric mixer.

Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.  Add 1 teaspoon of sugar.  Beat again.  At this point, it is best to make sure the Vodka is still OK.  Try another cup just in case. 

Turn off the mixerer thingy.  Break 2 eegs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.  Pick the fruit up off the floor, wash it and put it in the bowl a piece at a time trying to count it.  Mix on the turner.  

If the fried druit getas stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose with a drewscriver sample the Vodka to test for tonsisticity.  Next, sift 2 cups of salt, or something.  Check the Vodka.  

Now shit shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.  Add one table.  Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink.  Whatever you can find.  

Greash the oven.  Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.  Don't forget to beat off the turner.  Finally, throw the bowl through the window.  Finish the Vodka and wipe the counter with the cat.


After an afternoon of whipping up one of my famous Christmas Vodka Cakes, nothing soothes Father more than listening to the ancient chants of the Church (well, OK, Reynaldo the House Boy's Holiday Massage - we call it the "Over The River and Through the Woods" Massage comes pretty darn close).


Here's one of my favorites in a slavishly accurate and musically adventurous rendition.The original Latin text, Nativitas Semper Memoranda, is attributed to the disgraced 14th Cistercian mystic, Hermanus Erectus, who conceived it as a duet to be sung with Mother Mammalia, the sainted Abbess of a neighboring womens' monastery. Note the subtle reference to the redemption wrought for us by That Divine Lover of Mankind on the Altar of the Cross, "a fast talking lover with some slow-burning wood." Our Eastern brethren who groove attentively to this tune will hear echoes of the late saintly Protopresbyter Alexander Schmemmann who often spoke of Advent-Christmas as "The Winter Pascha": "Spring time feelings in the middle of December." And devotees of the Staretz Klemydius, Bulgaria's Apostle to Youth, will be grateful to hear at least part of one of that Elder's constant counsels to the college men who flocked to his booth at that religiously-themed seaside bar, Noah's Ark: "Strangers when we met, lovers as we leave, means a mystical rash after New Year's in a place that screams out De Profundis!

Saturday, November 24, 2012

How And Why I Blog...

I am often asked, Father why do you blog?  How do you do it? 
Well, folks, to be totally honest, most days this blog practically writes itself.  Other days my mind is so constipated, pushing out a coherent thought is almost an impossibility.  It is on these days that I am most grateful to my loyal readers for the ample material they supply me with.  Some days I am just too busy cooking gourmet  meals for myself and updating my Amazon Wishlist that I don't give you a second thought.  Then, I remember that were it not for the ample milk of wisdom that I lactate most of you would intellectually starve to death with out my slavishly accurate commentary.

Sometimes its a simple matter of just looking around.....


  Father's SWAG-- and a gaggle of young children!  Wonderful! I can almost hear the face palm slaps echoing through the halls of the chancery offices of Velletri-Segni.

 
Did not Dallas teach us anything?  Obviously not. 

The Trouble With Non-Approved Translations


I think the reference is to James 3:5, but this "dynamic equivalence" translation just doesn't "feel" right! This should have been entrusted to Vox Clara: any group that calls itself Clear Voice must have a Well-Trained Tongue to rouse the weary (Isaiah 50:4) .... oh wait a minute. That doesn't work either ....

Perhaps we need to consult a renowned scholar and a rather cunning linguist to clear things up...




Puris Omnia Pura , as my Ordinary Emeritus used to have on his coat of arms, until that unfortunate incident hit the papers ....

You Never Know What (or who) Is In The Closet

Until you start digging around.

A priest friend of mine showed me THIS treasure.


Father Zzzz LOVES Fr D and WDTPRDAD


Friday, November 23, 2012

Corn-holing at the NAC an officially sanctioned activity

WDTPRDAD has received word that corn-holing has been approved at the Pontifical North American College as an officially sanctioned activity.  Not only has it been approved, but according to the missive that we have received, it seems that one can earn points based upon ones skill at corn-holing. Who would ever have thought!

 

This has been confirmed to be the favored back yard, back room, back staircase or secret alcove in the basement game.

Usually played in pairs, it seems that the sports prefects are planning an actual tournament for later in the year.

Being the well versed academics they are a very serious set of rules are followed. My comments as always are in red.

Corn Hole Scoring
Traditional 21:  The game shall be played to the pre-determined number of twenty-one (21) points.  The first player/team to reach that amount at the conclusion of a frame is the winner. However, if one team goes over 21 they return to 13 points.e
Frame – A frame consists of a player pitching his bag from one playing surface to another. Players must pitch their bags from the same side of the playing surface in a frame.
1 Point – Refers to any  bag that has been pitched and remains on the cornhole  surface at the conclusion of the frame. Note: in group play, one player may forcefully knock another players bag off the corn hole using his own bag.
3 Points – Refers to any bag that has been pitched and passes through the cornhole (OUCH) at anytime within the frame.( Remember, the harder you pitch the deeper your bag will land in the corn hole.)
Foul Bags – Refers to any bag that was designated a foul bag as the result of rules violation. Bags contacting the ground before reaching the playing surface and bags pitched when a player has crossed the foul line are Foul Bags. If a foul bag lands on the playing surface or comes to rest touching the ground and the corn hole, it must be removed (and washed thoroughly) immediately.  One thing I learned from my days the PCED is that there is nothing worse than a foul bag (except maybe a foul corn hole). So remember to keep your bags clean and off the ground.

 Remember these rule and maybe you can be the winner of the NAC Corn Hole Cup!


All participants will receive an official NAC Corn Hole Association beverage wrap.

    
Further updates on Cornholing at the NAC or any other news and information can be sent directly to Father Duzuldorf. I promise to respect your anonymity.  Father D knows first hand what cornholes some of these seminary and chancery officials can be.

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Pontificating Presbyter Wages War on Anglicans

Pope Benedict the XVI is the Pope of Christian Unity.  Glory be to God!



The Bloviated Blogger from the Midwest, given half the chance would set back ecumenical dialog fifty years!  The post below shows us all how living a semi-eremetical life without the actual calling to do so becomes so very detrimental to ones emotional and psychological state.  Please!  Move in to a rectory, make some friends, do some actual parochial ministry. Heaven knows we're extremely short handed.  Place him under a good old fashioned pastor, and let him work out his salvation in service to the Church. (maybe preaching at the weekly FOLK MASS!)


 Or perhaps Bishop Dick Lennon of Cleveland can use him as a pastor in one of the churches he wants to close. 

 After a month of Mister Zzzzzzzzzzz,
  I'll bet my purple pipping those pews empty 
promptly.





 My comments are in blue.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

England is clearly a misogynistic waging a war on women.  This must be true because the official state church of England has rejected women bishops. Snarky, angry baiting statement made in hope of boosting his donations from the anti-ecumenist fringe SSPX sympathizers who read his rag.
From the site of The Church of England.

General Synod Rejects Draft Legislation on Women Bishops

20 November 2012
The General Synod of the Church of England has voted to reject the draft legislation to allow women to become bishops. [A move that would have made them them even more of a laughingstock for real Churches, with actual Apostolic Succession and valid Orders.] Is it really necessary to denigrate an entire faith body, though certainly imperfect, which  certainly counts many honorable, charitable and intelligent individuals within its ranks?  There are many in the Church of England that preach the Gospel seeking to win souls. And Jesus said to him: Forbid him not; for he that is not against you, is for you.
Under the requirements of the Synod the legislation required a two-thirds majority in each of the three voting houses for final draft approval. Whilst more than two thirds voted for the legislation in both the House of Bishops (44-03) and the House of Clergy (148-45), the vote in favour of the legislation in the House of Laity was less than two-thirds (132-74). The vote in the House of Laity fell short of approval by six votes. [Would this have needed to go to the Queen for approval, as head of the Church of England?] Does it matter?  Glory be to God!  The measure FAILED! Obviously God has not withdrawn His grace fully from the the C of E. 
And drawing nigh he said: Wilt thou destroy the just with the wicked? 24 If there be fifty just men in the city, shall they perish withal? and wilt thou not spare that place for the sake of the fifty just, if they be therein? 25 Far be it from thee to do this thing, and to slay the just with the wicked, and for the just to be in like case as the wicked, this is not beseeming thee: thou who judgest all the earth, wilt not make this judgment. 26 And the Lord said to him: If I And in Sodom fifty just within the city, I will spare the whole place for their sake. 27 And Abraham answered, and said: Seeing I have once begun, I will speak to my Lord, whereas I am dust and ashes. 28 What if there be Ave less than fifty just persons? wilt thou for five and forty destroy the whole city? And he said: I will not destroy it, if I find five and forty. 29 And again he said to him: But if forty be found there, what wilt thou do? He said: I will not destroy it for the sake of forty. 30 Lord, saith he, be not angry, I beseech thee, if I speak: What if thirty shall be found there? He answered: I will not do it, if I And thirty there. 31 Seeing, saith he, I have once begun, I will speak to my Lord. What if twenty be found there? He said: I will not destroy it for the sake of twenty. 32 I beseech thee, saith he, be not angry, Lord, if I speak yet once more: What if tell should be found there ? And he said: I will not destroy it for the sake of ten. 33 And the Lord departed, after he had left speaking to Abraham: and Abraham returned to his place. 

In total 324 members of the General Synod voted to approve the legislation and 122 voted to reject it.
The consequence of the “no” vote of terminating any further consideration of the draft legislation means that it will not be possible to introduce draft legislation in the same terms until a new General Synod comes into being in 2015, unless [Ooops! A loop-hole!] the ‘Group of Six‘ (the Archbishops, the Prolocutors [Would that be prolocútors or prolócutors?] and the Chair and Vice Chair of the House of Laity) give permission and report to the Synod why they have done so.
Speaking after the vote the Rt Revd Graham James, Bishop of Norwich, said:  “A clear majority of the General Synod today voted in favour of the legislation to consecrate women as Bishops. But the bar of approval is set very high in this Synod. [Unbelievable.] I'm sure its not as high as the bar set for ordination in the Suburbicarian Diocese of Velletri-Segni, but I digress.....  Two-thirds of each house has to approve the legislation for it to pass. This ensures the majority is overwhelming. The majority in the house of laity was not quite enough. This leaves us with a problem. 42 out of 44 dioceses approved the legislation and more than three quarters of members of diocesan synods voted in favour. There will be many who wonder why the General Synod expressed its mind so differently. [In every war there is the "fog of war".]  In every blog there is a FOG of blog-- like a mist of feces taurus to confuse and disorient readers.
“The House of Bishops recognises that the Church of England has expressed its mind that women should be consecrated as bishops. There is now an urgent task to find a fresh way forward to which so many of those who were opposed have pledged themselves.” ["It's not our fault!  We tried!  We really did!"] A cry the Bishop of Velletri-Segni hears often from this blogger.
The House of Bishops of the Church of England will meet at 08.30am on Wednesday morning in emergency session [Ooooo!] to consider the consequences of the vote.

They should in that emergency session immediately pass the provisions of Romanorum coetibus.
Benedict XVI is the Pope of Christian Unity. More snide snark to close out the tirade of this self important ignoramus.

IMAGINE!  A man too obnoxious to fit in within the walls of the Pontifical Commission Ecclesia Dei-- talk about a low bar to limbo under there friends!  IMAGINE if he worked in the Pontifical Commission for Promoting Christian Unity!  Good heavens!  The Vatican City would be at war!  Free speech is guaranteed to US citizens, not to do-nothing internet presbyters incardinated, but not living in the Suburbicarian Diocese of Velletri-Segni. Will someone write to this guys bishop and shut him up!  Or at least restrict his topics to cooking and obscure rubrics of the Extraordinary  Form of the Roman Rite.

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Some Nice Stats


Why After Seven Years I Still Have Not Completed My Dissertation


Blog maintenance update


The blog now lives on a new server. And my new server now lives with me.

There have been glitches, of course.  One by one they are being resolved.

The latest glitch is with the mobile theme.  The “pro” version stopped working. Do you really care?  It was timing out.  I could barely get to the settings page within the admin area. Another wasted six hours I could have been working on my dissertation.  However, I activated the free version of the plugin, and it works.  I am not sure whether it supports all mobile devices, however.  Not much I can do about that at this point. Do you really care?  Are you actually reading this drivel? Are you so pathetic that you even read an entire post about absolute shit?  I guess so.  I'm glad. You feed my ego.  You feed it even more when you comment on inane entries like this one. Anyway.  It is possible on my iPhone to switch off the mobile theme.  Just go to the bottom of the page.  It loaded very quickly for me.  I’d like to fix the fancier theme, of course.

I had email problems and had to change my settings.  That ought to be resolved. You can email me confidentially at fatherjtd@gmail.com.  You can also like me on Facebook!

THE COM BOX IS OPEN! The comment feature is open and un-moderated. You may, and if you're a seminarian or a young newly ordained priest, you SHOULD post anonymously. Don't screw up your ecclesiastical career like I did mine.  Loose lips sink monsignorships.

I am still get many fake registrations from vile spammers. So, I have done away with registration all together. Are you really still reading this?  You are more pathetic than I am.  Sorry, I am under siege. Reynaldo is very demanding.

In any event, I have had reports that the blog is finnier now.  I hope that is also your experience.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Dreded DRE's and the War on Wymyn




Your Eminences,
Your Excellencies,
My Lords,
Reverend Monsignori
(I know all of the above read this),
and of course my fellow peasants, Fathers . . . 

What a dreary day at the Supine Farm. I don't know why I did this (well, I do: it's $150 bucks to rent the "barn conference room", St Isidore's Room, for the afternoon - Cha Cha Cha CHING!): I let the local "Parish Cluster" - that's four parishes and three missions joined at the checkbook under the "pastoring" of one poor Father, "assisted" (as if) by a DRE (Dreaded Religious Educator) and more Eucharistic Monsters than there were bishops at Nicea . . .

Imagine my dismay upon seeing said DRE arrive . . . on her motorcycle! Was that a cigarette she flicked outside the gates of the Supine Farm? Must have Reynaldo investigate after Compline.

Here's MY idea of a Director of Religious Education

If you can't find this:

 Why do TODAY's DREs all look like THIS?


At least they still travel in pairs . . . .

This is the last bit of income until the coming Spring when the north field is reserved for the  Nuns on the Bus versus the Saint Paul Chapter of Dykes on Bikes Softball Tournament.

Fait accompli



Blog move accomplished

The blog move was accomplished last night.  It is now on a different server, and so am I.
I still have some kinks to work out  (don't we all) but it went fairly smoothly.

As I had warned beforehand, some readers’ comments, posted during a short interval, were lost. There is nothing I can do about that. Not that I really care what you have to say unless you are a regular contributor.  If one of your posts was deleted, let me know ASAP.  Please include verification of your most recent cash donation or proof of purchase from my Amazon wishlist.

We shall soldier on.

Oh PLEEEEZZE let this be true! Mexican company may save Twinks

Oh PLEEEEZZE let this be true! Mexican company may save Twinks

 

 Just when Father was worried about his regular supply of Twinks, a Mexican company has indicated their interest in keeping the supply fresh.  I have had many a twink in my life but never a Mexican one. (If you click that like I hope you love coq as much as Father does.)

 Reynaldo, the Supine Farm grounds keeper and um, head altar boy.

Career Advice For The Young And Ambitious

One of the things Father likes to do of a Friday evening in November, when not "doing the Stations" (Penn and Grand Central, dear, not those Fourteen Steps to Ultimate Depression, which we reserve for Lent) is wonder among the forgotten "Holy Souls," the Graveyard of Golden Oldies. Amazing how spiritual such a sojourn can be, if one strives "sentire cum Ecclesia." Look it up, you budding Latinists! No, never mind, let Father tell you: "think with the Church" or to paraphrase a la the old ICEL "hear with the ears of a jaded clergyman."

Thus it was that Father stumbled over a charming ditty by that pre-1962 perfidious, but now only in-need-of-conversion, brother Allan Sherman, "When I Was A Lad." As you can imagine, Father is a sucker for show tunes and those who sing them. But this one is SO ecclesial:  N.B. Forward to 23 mins:35 seconds.



"But, Father, but, Father . . . WHAT is 'so ecclesial' about THAT? It's about a dumb-as-a-doorknob hack-flunky who brown-noses his way through school and into an advertising agency and up to the top of the ladder! What's THAT got to do with the Church?"

Well . . . you've obviously NOT gone to "The NAC"! You've obviously NEVER visited your local Chancery!

At the NAC, forget the apples and think cigars . . . if you get my drift.

And why not change a few lyrics: "I sharpened up the pencils so pointedly / That now I have an office at the Chancery!" Sharp objects come in handy for LOTS of things at your average Chancery Office . . . "Palace in Connecticut" can just as easily be the Cape or the Jersey Shore or any reasonable pretentious substitute depending on your Diocese. And lets not even go near those "keys to the powder room, you see, is the key to the structure of the agency."

And if you don't like this posting: do a summer at Creighton, chump, and nine months as "senior altar boy" - and then maybe we'll THINK about diaconate.

IF only I had been more attentive to "polishing the apple" when I was at the PCED, I might still be there now. 

Monday, November 19, 2012

ALERT: Blog Maintenance Coming



Very soon we will make some necessary changes to the server, etc., where the blog is hosted.  (Damned FCC)

I wasn’t able to pull the trigger this weekend, but it will probably happen tonight.  Harold the UPS man delivered my Viagra from Canada today.




Also, I am suspending registration. Permanently.  I Really don't care who you are nor where you are from.  I allow anonymous comments. In fact, I encourage them. You are free to write whatever you want as long as your donations keep trickling in and the UPS truck keeps on trucking in with those smiling Amazon boxes.


Gloria bought me a delightful mocha swirl and a red velvet cake.

FYI
PS: I am also beginning to play with the D-Cam again.  Remember the D-Cam?  Hopefully by hosting the blog in Romania, we won't be subject to such puritanical censorship.

Rising from the ashes

In celebration of the legalization of marijuana in several states and due the fact that I really enjoy making people laugh, What Does The Priest Really Do All Day, like the phoenix (the mythical bird, not the city), has risen from the ashes.  Yea the very ashes of a thurible in which I burn incense, sage, cigars, and an occasional doobie (for my glaucoma).

You will be treated to my bloviated ruminations and pontifications on a plethora of topics, questions, propositions, questions, current and past events, gossip, hanky panky and other ephemera once again.

All in pursuit of the question that everyone, everywhere is asking.....

What Does That Priest Really Do All Day?