Thursday, October 23, 2014

Autobiography of An Anglican Snatch

Our dear brother the Rev'd Mutha Hunwicke has posted about his snatch of a life. Father D has given it his usual treatment with the usual bold and rouge.  So, let's get started.
When the first wave of Anglican priests ministers was in preparation to be admitted to the presbyterate of the Ordinariate, we all had to go, one by one, (as opposed to their usual mode of travel, like nuns, two by two) to a Church-run centre in Manchester for 'psychometric' evaluation.
During one of my interviews, the
clergyman (validly ordained Roman Catholic Priest)  interviewing me asked whether there was any part of the Church's teaching that I had difficulty with. Bishop (I think he meant MISTER) Newton (He's only a monsignor now because the advisers to poor Pope Benny didn't want the vast collection of pectoral crosses, rings and mitres go to waste. All dressed up and nothing to give) had very strongly advised us all to be totally honest, (except about the married gay priests ministers with a man or "celibate" deacon on the side) so I said "Well, there is something. I have no trouble accepting it theoretically, but I do have problems internalising it, feeling it. (No.  It's not heterosexual attraction towards his long-suffering wife as you might expect.) To tell you the truth, I feel a little embarrassed mentioning this ... "(No worries Rev. Mum. At a certain age, we all experience a bit of trouble when our eh hum, spirits begin to flag. On this side of the pond, we have a pill for that.)

"Out with it", he invited, looking interested. (I was momentarily confused, as "out with it" coupled with that interested look had a much different meaning back in my Anglo-Catholic seminary days.)

So I explained.  "Particularly when I'm in a big, bustling crowd, I look at all those faces, all apparently with their own preoccupations, everybody pushing everybody else, and I get Big Doubts. I wonder if it really can be true that God has an individual and salvific and interlocking plan for each and every one of them. I know, intellectually, that He does ... but .... well ..... particularly in the London rush hour ......"

"No no no", he replied, perhaps a trifle impatiently. All interest had now faded from his face. "I meant Sex". 

It became clear that the process of 'evaluation' had little interest in grilling us to check that we were not closet Monothelites, or a bit dodgy on the question of Usury, but a great concern about our complete conformity to the Church's official teaching on all matters sexual. (Drink the red, do the black, or in extremis, an Asian, as Faddah Zed said.)

But I have been puzzling, during the last fortnight or so, as to why it was deemed so important to check that Ordinariate clergy are 101% orthodox on all questions sexual, while, apparently, Out There some bishops and even cardinals may not be quite so sound. (Do you think they gave Kieran Conry a Psychometrical? Keith O'Brian? Have all the Synod Fathers had one?) (The Synod Fathers didn't come in through the back door with their wives, pensions and BOYFRIENDS, so there was no need.  Nor do the Synod Fathers loudly and frequently via blogs, books and paid speaking engagements, [which usually include fully
paid airfare] tout their long suffering self righteousness, but that is another issue altogether now ain't it?)

I never did get an answer to my problem about the London rush hour. It is still with me. (And always will be.  Some people have issues.  Other have entire life time subscriptions.)

CRUX: A Well-Named Journalistic Endeavor

They say John Allen's a nice man. Not as pretentious in person as he is in print. Cool. Whatever. But, geeesh, is it just me or is his CRUX becoming a for-real CROSS to bear, not just to read?

I mean, look at some of CRUX's recent articles:

* "Twitter Remembers St.John Paul II" (was Il Magnificenzo-ski around for Twitter?)

* "Italy's Singing Nun Does Like A Virgin" (C'mon, Sister, why not "Like A Prayer"? Well, at least she didn't do "It's Gettin' Hot in Here")

* New Chicago Archbishop Moves From Mansion With 75 Rooms, 19 Chimneys, 4 Priests But Only 1 Bathroom To Garage Behind Cathedral

* Bishop Says 'Pope A Mess' and 'Synod Too Protestant' and 'Burke So Sweet'

* "Not A Good Day For Catholic Football As Notre Dame Holds 'Gay in Christ' Conference In Locker Room"

and about 40 articles with the word "Gay" in their titles ("Alaska Approves Gay Marriage" "Gay Delaware Pastor Goes Ape Shit" "Is Barack Obama Gay: Friendship With Former Ballerina Rahm Emanuel Troubling" "Wyoming Approves Gay Marriage and Inter-Species Domestic Partnerships"). You get the idea. And, anyway, who am I to judge?

I've told you often, dear readers (both of you), that I don't get out much. Get to Rome even less often. And I'm beginning to think that's a really good thing.

Because after all those depressing articles, there's this one article that sort of combines all the preceding ones:

C'mon, Mr. Allen, really?

Yeah. Really. From "the NAC": The North American College (School Motto: "Producing Embarrassingly Crazy American Bishops for Generations" or "There's Plenty More Where Your Idiot Came From")

Freakin' Fabulous, baby. Imagine the vocations THAT will bring in (KIND and NUMBER: just the way Fr Z wants us to GO TO CONFESSION!)

But speaking of BABY. BABY. BABY! I've gotta calm down. So let's all just enjoy this long-lost video of

ft. Outrageous Eddie Braxton!

Wednesday, October 22, 2014


When last we caught an apparition of Michael Voris,
the poor dear thing was standing in the midnight dark
of Saint Peter's Square
breathlessly reporting on Truman Cardinal Capote's
"The Pope is doing great harm to the Church!"
together with the welcomed news
(welcomed by anyone living any time post 17th century)
that Capote and his Cappa Magna & Gloves
will soon be gracing
Ye Olde Medieval Faires and Ye Abrogated Masses
throughout the maniple fringes of Christendom
(accompanied perhaps by several other
episcopal small appliance bulbs
who have piped up since that news broke wind)

But next came the Coiffure:

Then the Confessional:
Looks like His Rudeness, Metropolitan Hilarious, Putin's Ukrainian-hating Father Confessor, had set up shop in the Square! 

Immediately followed by Penance:
The Monks of Nausea, directed by Druid-in-Chief Cash-in FullOfHimself, SOB, help Michael make due satisfaction

Inevitably the Clarification:

But eventually the Glorification!
"The Fourth Preposterous Mystery:
Michael Voris Is Assumed Into Heaven"

Prayers For Canada

O thornless rose of ineffable beauty,
thou didst bud forth on the border of paradise.
For through thine unopened gate, the gate was opened
and through thy sacred icon
thou dost call the Canadian people to enter in,
proclaiming thyself to be their protectress
and defence against the enemy.
Wherefore we cry unto thee : {Intercede for thy children}, O Joy of Canada.

Saint Anne, pray for us.
Saint Joseph, pray for us.
Saint John the baptist, pray for us.
Saint Jean de Brébeuf, and all North American Martyrs, pray for us.

Let all of Canada fear the Lord. Let all the inhabitants of this great Dominion stand in awe of Him. Blessed is the nation whose God is the Lord, and the people whom He has chosen as His own inheritance.
(Psalm 33:8, 12)

Prayers for our brothers and sisters in Ottawa Canada where there were two shooting incidents in the city, where this kind of violence is extremely rare: one at the Canada War Memorial, which is near the Parliament building, and another round of shooting inside Parliament. One soldier at the Memorial was shot dead.  One suspect was later shot dead. As of this moment 2:15 PM Central U.S. Time, authorities suspect there may be one other shooter at large.

NOTE: The above icon, Joy of Canada, was written by Archbishop Lazar (Puhalo) now retired Archbishop of Ottawa of the OCA.  I took the liberty of modifying the last line from "rejoice" to "intercede for thy children".

Monday, October 20, 2014


C.R.A.P., Inc.

Converts Ranting Against the Pope

(see here, here and here, and here, here and of course here, etc.;
featuring major attitude, little gratitude, and most want to $ell you $omething)

fear rumored purge of Curial careerists,
some of whom may even be forced to return to
pastoral ministry!

But, then, isn't every BINGE

followed by a PURGE?

Sunday, October 19, 2014


Meanwhile over at RetRorate
(aka "Converts Who Hate the Pope")
a new hero arises
who can keep all those people
they hated in their other Church
(all those people who, you begin to think, are a lot like them)
from being welcomed into their new Church!

As Cardinal Capote with his gloves
prepares to shuffle off to Malta
the spotlight switches to someone else

remind me again:
who was the disciple who "held the purse"?

Saturday, October 18, 2014


I've never been a big fan of Pope Paul VI. It's not an ideological thing at all.  I didn't know him. I was still but a kid when he passed away.  Not until this past month have I actually intentionally read and attentively studied any of his writings. (Humanae Vitae excepted)  Often maligned and frequently misunderstood, I have come to have an appreciation, even a love of sorts, for Papa Montini

There are many reflections and summaries out there.  NCR has a nice piece.  Of course on the opposite end of the spectrum the SSPX have to voice their "reservations." Again.  Salt and Light TV is airing "The Misunderstood Pope" today.

Just after posting, I was reminded of Pope Paul's Testament.  Once he is canonized, portions of that would be excellent in the Office of Readings.

"Somebody should tell us, right at the start of our lives, that we are dying. Then we might live life to the limit, every minute of every day. Do it! I say. Whatever you want to do, do it now! There are only so many tomorrows. "

"Are there memories left that are safe from the clutches of phony anniversaries?"

"Liturgy is like a strong tree whose beauty is derived from the continuous renewal of its leaves, but whose strength comes from the old trunk, with solid roots in the ground."

"The Eucharistic mystery stands at the heart and center of the liturgy since it is the fount of life by which we are cleansed and strengthened to live not for ourselves but for God and to be united in love among ourselves."

"Technological society has succeeded in multiplying the opportunities for pleasure, but it has great difficulty in generating joy."

“Catholics, in their ecumenical work, must assuredly be concerned for their separated brethren, praying for them, keeping them informed about the Church, making the first approaches toward them. But their primary duty is to make a careful and honest appraisal of whatever needs to be done or renewed in the Catholic household itself, in order that its life may bear witness more clearly and faithfully to the teachings and institutions which have come to it from Christ through the Apostles.”

"Anger is as a stone cast into a wasp's nest."

Make us worthy, Lord, to serve our fellow-men throughout the world who live and die in poverty and hunger. Give them through our hands, this day their daily bread, and by our understanding love, give peace and joy.

A Token for the Trent Trid Traddies

O Mary, 
look upon the church, look upon the most responsible members of the Mystical Body of Christ gathered about you to thank you and to celebrate you as their Mystical Mother. 
O Mary, 
bless the great assembly of the hierarchical church, which also gives birth to brothers and sisters of Christ, the firstborn among redeemed humankind. 
O Mary, 
grant that this church of Christ, in defining itself, will acknowledge you as its most chosen mother, daughter, and sister, as well as its incomparable model, its glory, its joy, and its hope. We ask you now that we may be made worthy of honouring you because of who you are and because of what you do in the wondrous and loving plan of salvation. Grant that we may praise you, O holy Virgin! 
O Mary, 
look upon us who are your children, look upon us who are brothers and sisters, disciples and apostles and continuation of Jesus. Make us aware of our vocation and our mission; may we not be unworthy to take on, in our priesthood, in our word, in the offering of our life for the faithful entrusted to us, the representation and personification of Christ. O you who are full of grace, grant that the priesthood that honours you may itself also be holy and immaculate. 
O Mary, 
we pray to you for our Christian brothers and sisters who are still separated from our Catholic family. See how a glorious group of them celebrate your cult with fidelity and love. See also how among another group, who are so intent on calling themselves Christians, there now dawns the remembrance and the veneration of you, O most holy Lady. Call these children of yours to the one unity under your motherly and heavenly aid. 
O Mary, 
look upon all mankind, this modern world in which the Divine Will calls us to live and work. It is a world that has turned its back on the light of Christ; then it fears and bemoans the frightening shadows that its actions have created on all sides. May your most human voice, O most beautiful of virgins, O most worthy of mothers, O blessed among women, invited the world to turn its eyes toward the life that is the light of man, toward you who are the precursor-lamp of Christ, Who is the sole and the highest Light of the world. Implore for the world the true understanding of its own existence; implore for the world the joy of living as the creation of God and hence the desire and the capacity to converse, by prayer, with its Maker, whose mysterious and blesses image it reflects within itself. 
Implore for the world the grace to esteem everything as the gift of God and hence the virtue to work with generosity and to make use of such gifts wisely and providently. Implore peace for the world. Fashion brothers and sisters out of persons who are so divided. Guide us to a more ordered and peaceful society. For those who are suffering, today there are so many and ever new ones, afflicted by current misfortunes, obtain solace; and for the dead, obtain eternal rest. Show yourself a mother to us; this is our prayer, O clement, O loving, O sweet Virgin Mary! 

(Saint) Blessed Pope Paul VI, pray for us.  That we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ.