Monday, August 3, 2015

OH THOSE MUSEUM KIND OF GUYS!

Happy Monday, morsels!

Oh the H H H - hazy, hot, and humid - fun has hit us up and down in These United States . . . so in between making the blender render the frozen concoction that helps Father D hang on, I was laughing at a journalist's story about Pope Francis saying he hadn't ever seen the inside of the Sistine Chapel until he entered it in 2005 for the election of Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI.

Reporter: "But . . . you had never seen the Sistine Chapel? Until the Conclave . . . ?!?!?"

Francis: "No, never."

Reporter: "But, Holiness, you had been a Cardinal since 2001!"

Francis: "Yes, but that took place at Saint Peter's Basilica!"

Reporter: "But you came to Rome as a Cardinal for how many meetings?"

Francis: "Too many meetings! But none of them were inside the Sistine Chapel! Until the Conclave."

Reporter: "But surely you could have gone over from Saint Peter's or wherever the meetings were just to see the Sistine Chapel?"

Francis: "Well . . . not really. See, I'm not a 'museums' kind of guy, you know what I mean?"

Yes.

We do.

And we thank God.

But, God help us, so many other shining lights of Holy Mutha are 
"Museum Kind of Guys!"



In fact, one of the shiniest lights, who seems to miss home almost as much as home misses him (hmm . . . just like his other predecessor from the same home!), went on a retreat to a for real museum so that when he got back to work he could make the rest of the Church a museum too!


Cardinal Museum Rebecca Sarah
He went to the very Magical Mystical Monastery "Abbey of Fungooloballes" where it's still 1347 (but with antibiotics):
They even have a branch museum in These United States, "Cripple Creek Abbey" up on Brokeback Mountain:
I really have to get there sometime, although my spiritual director told me to try "Christ! In the Desert?" Abbey. Or is it called "Christ! No Dessert?" Abbey. I have to check . . . 

Anyhow, instead of going TO museums, with Cardinal Museum Rebecca Sarah continuing the totally irrelevant work and issue the totally ignored decrees like the last person who ran the Congregation for Divine Worship, whose name and work no one can remember unless you're a museums kind of guy, it looks like the younger clergy are bringing the museums out here. Check out this First Mass of a Brand New Priest! Must have danced his way into lots of hearts over at The Pontifical North American Dance Academy! OOO-RAH!
 Isn't it nice when people help each other get dressed in their costumes? Or uniforms. I remember watching my sister and her girl friends dress each other up for Brownies back in the day, just like these guys. Once at Cardinal Cody High School we tried to watch the cheerleaders from Virgin Martyrs Academy dress up before the football game. Sister Fallopia Marie put the kaibosh to that plan!
Bet these manly men know even more about those varieties of lace than the Bow-Tied Battalion over at The New Liturgical Bowel Movement! But it's so weird that their undies match their surplices!
There's quite the answer to all our prayers for new young vocations to the priesthood who can bring The Joy of the Gospel and the New Evangelization to today's Church!
 Doesn't that look like three hours of museum time well spent? Which of those dudes would you go to if you really wanted some help with a personal problem? Maybe the whole team!

Cuz look! Their team work is already producing results! Young priests wrapped in lace from Auntie Ethel's kitchen, draped with vestments made from the upholstery of Nonna's couches, and topped off with Rockin' Lids are packing churches full of people looking for help living the Gospel in a non-musuems kind of world!
But Pope Francis was right. Just not a museums kind of guy! No lace, no brocade, cool lid but it keeps blowing off when he goes out to slums like that one.
 So I'm kind of thinking that since he paid so much attention to the CDW in the old days, he's appointed someone to run it who will have just as much influence over the real non-museum Church as the what-the-hell-was-his-name? idiot who was running it back in the days when he paid so much attention to all its decrees.
Must be an answer to my prayers to another Pope who also wasn't much of a museums kind of guy.
UPDATE:
One of our dear commenters points out that Pope John XXIII is all Pope-d up in this picture . . . well, yes. Hey, it was 1958-1963. I was still wearing coif, headbands, wimple, and two veils - on the outside. I had the monastic tit-flattener under all that . . . also this icon isn't quite right because Pope John's fingers weren't skinny and boney. They were puffy and fat. With dimples where the knuckles should have been. Like many diocesan priests today. I used the icon for the MUSEUM quote. OK? This is my favorite picture of John when he was still just good old Roncalli:

But here's an oldie-but-goodie for all those museums kind of guys, young and old, who are really making the Church into a cross between a museum and a zoo! They're very skeptical of changes in their cages. And here's to my very own dear and cherished +Zookeeper who, let me tell you, is VERY FOND of rum! (And we're paying for it. In more ways than one.)

Wednesday, July 29, 2015

CONGRATS YOU LUCKY BASTARDS!

You know, it's always a joy to surf the blogosphere during my down time. Especially fun sometimes is viewing the links that people send my way.   Some of the most interesting items cross my screen. 

Business Insider recently posted an article on the most meaningful jobs in America these U.S.A.  


To compile its latest list, PayScale asked over 2 million professionals whether their work is meaningful, and ranked almost 500 professions based on the percentage of people in each of those jobs who answered "yes." 

You will never guess what number one was! 


1. Clergy !!!!!!
1. Clergy
Median pay: $46,600 
People who said it's a highly meaningful job: 98% 
People who said it's a highly satisfying job: 90%


Yeah.  Obviously no one in my diocese, under the omophor of my bishop was interviewed.

Nor was my bishop emeritus interviewed.


Nor was my current bishop and his auxiliary.


Nor +Sal West...


And especially not +Sal East!


Don't even think of interviewing +Kimbie Wanna-Try-A-Little Sample... 

In fact I can't think of one American bishop I have met, but I digress...

This poll was obviously conducted Tuesday through Thursday between the hours of 10 AM and 2 PM (stopping for lunch between 11:00 and 1:00) when clergy are available to answer the phone.

In other church news lewd happenings, New York City Traditional Latin Mass organist at the famed Saint Agnes Church, plans on marrying his same sex partner, while still handling all the testicles versicles and responses in Tridentine Latin.


Always ready to jump on attack Cardinal Dolan we can only guess that Michael Voris and his Merkin have set up camp (so to speak) in the Big Apple awaiting His Eminence's response, which we can only guess will be....

Now you might be asking yourself, as I often never do, "How can I as a Katholik Blogger komitted to defending the faith, stand as a witness to the one true truthful Truth and fight against these horrific homo heresies?"  Well thankfully one Brighton U.K. based bloke has the answer. 

Yes, in between crushing his bone that thrills, attending the Novena of Pontifical Latin Masses at the Toadstool, running errands for his mum, daily spontaneous ejaculations (aimed to penetrate pierce the heavens), and the ever important blogging empire from mum's basement, this young chap has found time to serve as founder and chairman of the Guild of Saint Tits-Up Brandingiron, Mystical Moonshiner of Brokeback Mountain, providing a special place for all the special bloggers to come together link up to one another.

If anyone knows where Father D can get an application for the Guild, please let me know.  Also, if there is a membership fee, will they let me pay with me mum's credit card? Probably not a problem huh?

Let's get Chris and Shane's Traditional Cantor to sing us on outta here .... A tribute to POPULAR JOB #1 = CLERGY!

Sunday, July 26, 2015

Roll Out Those Lazy, Hazy, KRAZY KATHOLIC Summer Freaks . . .


Father catching a few rayz of sun even though feeling a little bloated. That lazt Gotham Gaztronomic Glutfezt  almozt did me in. Going to have to have the 501 tactical clericalz let out in the waist. Again. 

Every summer since they spent a week in the Thailand Missions,  Father Kirk Fitzpatrick and Father Patrick Fitzkirk of the newly established Oratory of Two of Ss. Horatio and Fellatio, invite the young Buddhist novices to spend a week with them. Fathers Neill and Bobb from the Oratory of Two of Ss Sergius and Bacchus join them for the sloppy second half of the week.


Liberal nuns, probably from the LCWR, who have abandoned their full traditional habit, have rented out Father's Sabine Beach House for a week. The two professed sisters in the black veils (Sister M. Sexburga  and Sister M. Cunnigrinder Cunegunda each brought two novices to cook and clean for them.

What a summer it's been around here . . . all kinds of rare whales have been washing up on our beaches (though certainly no mob of Moby Dicks, but I digress) . . . which gets in the way of our outdoor Masses . . .


Well, You-Know-Who was the principal celebrant of THAT Mass . . . but it was Novus Ordo . . . the real one was done up in the mountains.

After Mass Father treated the gang (all five guys) to a repertoire from his days before seminary. 




You can see from the first picture, it was hard to accommodate the crowds, as it always is at the TLM that is going to save the Church, as The Bishop Fellay Show and a host of Krazy Katholics (some of them pretend Konverts) are always reminding us . . . 

Speaking of which . . . while I sit here tending to the blender that periodically will render the frozen concoction that helps Father D hang on . . . people send me stories from around the Krazy Katholic Kraposphere  . . . what treasures this week brought into the humble hermitage.


ANATHEMA SIT

and

ANATHEMA STAND
As always the TLM was packing the people in!

Yes, +Anathema ScheitfṺrbrainz, the only bishop consecrated by a layman has surfaced again, hanging out with Dame Auldqueen Reid (Harry's kid brother) in the Diocese of Fruit-Jus Too-Loose
Good to know those two are going to save the Church from Laudato Si and the Synod of Compassion by laying down the law about gays and divorced people and other sinners. Whew!

And they're not alone!

I was happy to run An Army of Youth Flying the Standards of Truth a while back, but I had no idea how THAT idea would catch on as a perfect way to Save the Church!

KRAZY KATHOLIC KRUSADERS
!ALL NAMED MARY!

The Venerable Venomous Mary-Vampires of Transylvania just took off running . . . well, wobbling, with the idea! The future of Krazy Katholic (Some of Them Pretend) Konvert Kingdom is securely in the hands of
Knight Commander Father Lacy-Lucy-Mary and Knight Squire Elmira-Jeremiah-Mary!

And their troops!


Ok, I know what you're thinking . . . women aren't welcome in the ranks of such Manly Men!

Wrong! They have Altar Girls!


And the rest of the women (three?) are properly veiled and allowed to hit the high notes (although the monks do wear the proper orthopedic pelvis wraps to help with the Kyries) and to starch the purificators and corporals in order to assure valid Latin Mass (the one on the far right is not a woman)


Reynaldo often wore red tassels when serving cocktail parties around here, so it's good to see the same outfit being used for the Krazy Krusade!

The Dubbing Dame was none other than Dame Edith Evans!


Who has made very few public appearances since her last famous role.


And she came armed for battle, let me tell you!


That sword looks familiar. Do you think they share? Swap swords
with one another once in a while? 

Would I love to get that close to MY bishop with a sword! Turns out Father D's little blog here has put the RIGHT IDEA into the RIGHT minds of the RIGHT WING NUTS!



I've shown you mine, now whip yours out.

Meanwhile, back in Rome, Someone Else had an idea that he thought might be more worthwhile when it comes to the future of the Church . . . 

With no sword but an iPad, Papa Francesco signed up for World Youth Day 2016 in Krakow.

And instead of dressing up a bunch of home-schooled, out-on-planet-Jupiter boys in 14th century costumes around a bunch of mentally wazoooed freaks, he invited two young people representing the 21st century to offer an invitation to the Youth of the World to come celebrate WYD 2016.


Call Father D crazy . . . cuz I am . . . but not KRAZY!!!

And thank goodness, now the booze in the blender has finally rendered that frozen concoction that helps me hang on!