Tuesday, February 9, 2016

FAT TUESDAY: Mardi Gras 2016


It's Fat Tuesday bitches readers and readerettes!
Well, let's face it, every Tuesday around here is Fat Tuesday.


It has been too cold to sit on my azz around minister on the beaches. Swimmers and surfers are few these days.



So Father D has been locked in my semi eremetical cell
(aka the padded room on Four South at the Archbishop Milingo Mental Health and Marriage Encounter Institute.) Father has been given a special assignment with the ICEL (International Committee for Esperanto in the Liturgy) tasked with translating the latest edition of the Roman Missal into Esperanto. It's a useless job and Father is the most qualified to do it.

So, tomorrow begins the Great Fast. Well for you Latins it begins tomorrow. For most Eastern Catholics, it began yesterday. (If you ever have a chance to attend a Maronite Ash Monday liturgy, make sure you do. Beautiful!  But I digress.)

Eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow begins a season of penance, fasting and abstinence.

No no, Father is not giving up blogging for Lent. I can't afford to! The lean days come more and more frequently!  REMEMBER....Part of fasting is alms giving. Yes! The money you don't spend on food should be given to this priest the poor!  So fork it over. Amazon, PayPal or postal money order, please. (Seems the IRS has taken an interest in Fathers bank accounts, so let's keep the cash flowing sub voce and sub radar, eh?)


Saturday, January 30, 2016

NEWS AND VIEWS: WTF is goin' on in yous guys lives....

Hello morsels. 

It's been a long time since Father has posted. As you can see, its been a rough winter. You see, Father has had a hemorrhoid flair up that has kept him off his ample ass. I've been under an order by Vladyka Eureka of 
Topeka to stay off my ass and on my feet in either personal prayer, liturgy or in service to others. (Not to mention my three days off each week spent making myself available to those surfers and beach goers seeking confession and council, but I digress!
So even though my special doughnut seat cushion has yet to arrive by UPS from my Amazon Wishlist (thank you Venerable Canon for said gift) I'm making the painful sacrifice to sit at my computer and type this post. ( or I'm at the beach typing on my tablet with one finger.... who knows for sure? Who really cares as long as I spill the beans, so to speak?)

So, for the record, NO, I have NOT taken the job as chaplain for those fine sisters engaged in an avant guard  healing ministry out in California. 

Here is a new post so ya'll can chime in on what you hear and read without having to wait for comment approval. (Blogger automatically holds comments for review on older posts.)


For all you arse kissers and up and comers still humbly seeking to climb the ladder (that leads only to the chute straight to perdition) reserve (and pay for) your tickets now for the Rector's  Dinner in April. Contact the Office of Institutional Advancement (that's Fundraising and Cash Flow for those that don't read Latin!)
for more information. 
SPECIAL NOTE TO TALENT SCOUTS: There is a preview video available for this years tap dancers and soloists.  Please inquire.


Be sure to tell them Uncle Jim sent you.

Father has heard some whispers about a new student anthem at the NAC. We've found one rendition that we will share with ya'll.
NSFW.






Tuesday, January 5, 2016

WONDERFUL SISTERS SEEKING PRIEST CHAPLAIN

Father Z was the first to report this, (really-- click the link...)but I wouldn't be Father D if I didn't follow up....

Mother Kate, CBD, wrote saying that the Sisters of the Valley need a priest chaplain.  They would like both the Extraordinary and the Ordinary Form of the Roman Rite.  These are not LCWR nuns but they could be.


I asked for some details and she sent back:
Chaplain of 10 sisters – Daily Mass in convent field shrine. (Ex Form about 4 x per week, Ordinary Form 2-3 x per week) LOTS of incense!
– Confessions 1x per year around Easter time 
– Benediction 1 x per quarter or when a donor asks for it 
– Spiritual Direction (light (none of that Ignatian crap), only as needed), Blessing of items from time to time (for a stipend) 
– a “day off” each week (if you're willing to drive to Mexico on that day) 
Residence in Cathedral Rectory Suite, (private entrance so other clergy can't  spy on you) in Santa Rosa, CA, 5/8 mile from convent- smaller city in Wine Country, near Napa Valley CA, but still close to specialty bars and clubs, Mediterranean Climate (beautiful vicinity and fertile soil!)

Rector of Cathedral may negotiate additional duties of hearing parish confessions and offering an occasional public Mass at the faithful Cathedral Parish depending on whether or not the chaplain would like to be in parish life. (And for a few extra bucks for just and occasional Mass, who wouldn't!)

Additional Notes: This community of sisters is contemplative/active and was canonically approved by 2012 by Bishop Robert Vasa. [A fine fellow but not so great a prelate.] There are 4 professed sisters, 4 novices, 1 postulant and several in application/discernment (they are growing... indeed they are growing.... some really good shit!) Just look at them celebrating "recreation"!





They have a distinct Marian Spirituality based on St. Louis de Montfort’s total consecration to Jesus through Mary 


The sisters’ main apostolates function around 
1. Healing the Sick and Suffering, care of Church
and the spiritual and practical support of the priesthood especially those that need to chill the fuck out. 
2. Communicating the Catholic Faith – Catholic Education, Catechesis, Retreat Talks on meditation, chilling out, being cool, and the like…

They hold respected positions in the diocese and are supported by the Bishop who loves their product.

The sisters are proficient in the knowledge and practice of liturgical norms, music and ceremonies for both forms of the Roman Rite, the Folk Mass and the Choir Mass.


Financial offerings for services rendered are very open and negotiable, especially if you're willing to deliver product to patients while on sick calls. Room and board are provided and possibly a car if needed. I know some older priests who'd probably love to help out !$!$!$!$! Like our Vicar General:



Even Father Z likes to chill with the sisters


Inquiry Contact: SrM.Ganga@potsisters.com
Or visit their Facebook Page 

Comments are ON and ENCOURAGED.


Sunday, January 3, 2016

HAPPY EPIPHANY SUNDAY!

Happy Epiphany Sunday!

What a glorious celebration we had this morning!

Groups of three of our priests hanging out together portrayed the Magi coming to offer their gifts to the Baby Jesus! I loaned several Monsignors our Solemn High Censers, purchased from Father Zuhlsdorf's online store!





They brought out the crowds!

Then after Communion we played the video we play every Epiphany Sunday on the screens that pull down over the iconostasis in our fully glorious church.

This tells me in so many ways all the true theology of today's Feast Day! The kings in the video look like our bishops. The camels probably look like yours


But they left out the burial chemical that the real Magi brought to Baby Jesus.

However I was able to find just the right "Wise Man" to bring the myrrh the cartoon left out since I think this dude's been specially appointed to get Jesus "dead and buried" to save the rest of  us!

It's Bitter Bag of Onions!
What a "Merry Christmas" smile, eh?
MYRRH IS MINE
ITS BITTER PERFUME
BREATHES A LIFE
OF GATHERING GLOOM
SORROWING
SIGHING
BLEEDING
DYING
SEALED IN
A STONE COLD TOMB
THAT I'M IN CHARGE OF

Happy Epiphany!


Thursday, December 31, 2015

YOUR GOOD NEWS YEARS EVE 2016: What Are You Watching?



What are you watching this New Years Eve? 
Have any good news
Father D and the guys from the Chancery are hanging out to watch a Rocking New Years Eve.

I, for one, am in the midst of preparing another Supper for the Promotion of Clericalism.
I have ten clerics tonight, for a classic Greek line up of the 7 courses, which I am doing with a hotplate and a toaster oven. I have two hot plates, actually and I wheeled the microwave in from the common room.
Because of the number of guests, I had to rebuild an old table that belonged to one of the former bishops of the diocese.

You know which one. He would never drink coffee from a mug. ALWAYS a cup and saucer.

Anyway, as an appiteaser I prepared fresh ginger fingers for each guest. Reynaldo says this treat is very popular at the NAC instead of traditional holiday figgy pudding.


As I type this, I find that my hands aren’t working so well after dealing with the squash. I have had to retype and retype, so I am stopping here.

Don't want to be sharing these!


We'll all have ginger fingers. Reynaldo insists everyone will love them. I have my doubts.

Then a light snack and some wine.




One Monsignor insists this reminds him of Reynaldo. Odd!  Reynaldo isn't even Greek.

Amazing what one can accomplish with limited resources and a generously fulfilled Amazon Wishlist!


So even after the meal one of the monsignors insists that there will still be hungers that will need to be satisfied and he thinks Reynaldo will be able to help.  Keeps mentioning "Reynaldo's Rockin New Years Eve."
I hope he's not disappointed. Reynnie makes a mean cocktail, but can't prepare a ham sandwich to save his life.

So, this is good news: more clericalism!
What’s up with you?









Tuesday, December 22, 2015

December 22: O King of Nations







O come, of Gentile hearts the King,
A world that needs thee ransoming,
And save thy servants, who confess
With humbled hearts their faithlessness.

Rejoice, rejoice, Emmanuel
Is born to save thee, Israel!

Tr. Ronald A. Knox


Monday, December 21, 2015

December 21: O ORIENS, O RISING DAWN





O come, thou Daystar seen on high,
With healing for our hearts draw nigh;
Do thou the mists of night dispel,
And death's foreboding darkness quell.

Rejoice, rejoice Emmanuel
Is born to save thee, Israel.

Tr. Ronald A. Knox


Charm with your stainlessness these winter nights, 
Skies, and be perfect! Fly, vivider in the fiery dark, you quiet meteors, 
And disappear. 
You moon, be slow to go down, 
This is your full!

The four white roads make off in silence 
Towards the four parts of the starry universe. 
Time falls like manna at the corners of the wintry earth. 
We have become more humble than the rocks, 
More wakeful than the patient hills.

Charm with your stainlessness these nights in Advent, 
holy spheres, 
While minds, as meek as beasts, 
Stay close at home in the sweet hay; 
And intellects are quieter than the flocks that feed by starlight.

Oh pour your darkness and your brightness over all our 
solemn valleys, 
You skies: and travel like the gentle Virgin, 
Toward the planets' stately setting,

Oh white full moon as quiet as Bethlehem!

Thomas Merton
Abbey of Gethsemani, 1946