I don't know about you, but I've been at this "liturgy thing" for so long, I've about seen it all.
Western Rite, Eastern Rite, Mass Facing the People, Ass Facing the People, Ordinary Form, Extraordinary Form, High Mass, Low Mass, kneel, stand, sit, genuflect on one knee, genuflect on two knees, profound bow, medium bow, head bow, metania, prostration. On
And I've about met 'em all.
|Why all mic'd up? Do we really have to know what he's saying to the bread?|
|Is His Beatitude taking a selfie with a giant selfie-stick?|
|Hey, this is me ON my meds. You should see me when I skip 'em!|
FOR BAT-SHIT CRAZY, WATCH THIS VIDEO:
I just can't keep things
[Speaking of Princess, last time the Chancellor (who, in addition to being the boss' favorite, the bishop even keeps the speaker phone on so the little troll can listen in on "private meetings" with other priests, thinks he's very special and longs for a pointy hat, and hence is given a special Royal nickname among the brethren) was
|Ever notice how in countries where they use less deodorant, they also use more incense?|
|Paging Marie Osmond and NutriSystem!|
|Father D being so cool!|
Gee the directives sounded rather familiar. Almost like I had seen them before. Oh yes! Reynaldo had shown me a hand
Take a gander (unless you'd like a goose: I'll see if Reynaldo is free later on):
- with the hands in front of the shoulders as in the Extraordinary Form,
- nor does it mean with the hands at waist level as if at devotional prayer
- nor does it mean with hands raised high in the air, like you just don't care!
- nor does it mean with you hands down the ass of your pants like you're scratching your butt.
- The host is not broken over the chalice. That is done in the EF. See it matters where you break it over. Because I said so. Damn it!
- There is no sign of the cross made with the small piece of the host that the priest places in the chalice. That is done in the EF. Just drop it in. See if it floats. If it sinks, you're using some good hockey-puck style homemade host bread.
- The priest does not bow when he says the preparatory prayer of Communion. The priest bows for those prayers in the EF. Don't go acting humble like we used to. You think Jesus is impressed with that?
- The priest does not make the sign of the cross with the host before he receives it. This is done in the EF. I know Benedict used to. Because he wanted to. And he was the Pope. You're not.
- The priest does not make the sign of the cross with the chalice before he receives the Precious Blood. This is done in the EF.
Can you imagine what a total pain in the ass I must have been back at my monastery? Now you know why they have me teaching over here annoying the crap out of you.
No wonder they shipped everyone off to Creepy Creighton's Nervous Breakdown Factory after that class.
They're so concerned for some strange reason (NOT) about these new priests improvising (is Improv taught at the NAC to0?) rubrics from the
Yup, you guessed it! It's from the Pontifical North American Dance Academy. Where they know All the Right Moves! Which also happens to be their favorite (in public) movie there, for some reason.
Can you imaging the Pope receiving these directives? With his own version of the epiclesis. And that post-Consecration bow. How would one say, "Shove it
So all that started me thinking (which I do once or twice a week just like the full Divine Office): there's another important gesture, too, we should all get right whenever passing by the Chancery Office:
No! Not that one, Reynaldo! Unless you want these poor folks to be labeled in the same category as Father D as a sacerdos subversus. Get it together!
That will make your Local Ordinary feel not so local and not so ordinary. Even though, if he's like mine, he's really local (and gonna stay that way) and really ordinary. Weird but ordinary.
So let me know by posting below what the directives are in your Diocese! Even if you're in one of the THIRTEEN who have checked in so far (no one in the UK yet!).
Meanwhile, here's a little hymn that will help you keep your liturgical gestures up-to-date and in the proper form. Tie your cincture nice and tight before starting this one. We used this at Heifer House to learn our liturgical gestures in Father Gorgeous Goatee's class. And it worked like a charm. And he ended up with a pointy hat!
(This was not filmed at Heifer House or the NAC . . . look at all those women! Biological ones!)